Building the World's Best Football Player with the Best Bits of 7 Superstars
To paraphrase the intro to The Six Million Dollar Man:
"Gentleman—we can build him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's best footballer. Better. Stronger. Faster."
If a real footballer had all of the attributes of the following seven superstar players, he would be worth a lot more than $6 million, but you get the idea.
Here is a group of footballers, whose powers combined would form one unstoppable unit.
If you feel that there is a player who is even more of an archetypal example of one or more of these attributes, feel free to share them below.
Head: Radamel Falcao
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The Atletico Madrid striker is simply one of the finest strikers in the world right now.
The Colombian did his international reputation no harm recently by scoring three goals with his feet in the European Super Cup win over Chelsea, but it is his aerial ability that is unrivaled.
Falcao is an absolute demon when it comes to headers, and he leaves even the best centre-backs quaking whenever a cross comes into the box.
Brain: Frank Lampard
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Personally, being a fan of the game show Countdown, it would have been great to have put Clarke Carlisle in this list after he won several editions of the word-based quiz.
However, seeing as he currently plies his trade at the League Two club Northampton Town, to label him a "superstar" stretches the definition somewhat.
There are many players who could fill this slot, but let's go for Chelsea midfielder Lampard, who famously earned an A* grade at GCSE Latin and is said to have an IQ of 150.
Eyes: Xabi Alonso
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"Eyes" here is really a byword for vision, and that is something that the Spain midfielder has in spades.
While international colleague Xavi Hernandez has cornered the market in quick, short passing that pulls the opposition apart with pathological precision, Alonso is perhaps the finest exponent of long-range distribution in the game.
The Real Madrid man is able to ping a 60-yard ball right into the path of a teammate before he is even able to realise that that pass is on himself.
Lungs: Yaya Toure
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Anyone who laboured under the misconception that Toure with simply a midfield destroyer during his time at Barcelona was in for a treat when he moved to Manchester city two years ago.
In the Premier League, the Ivorian has been unleashed as arguably the world's finest box-to-box midfielder who strides and gallivants his way all over the field,
His indefatigable style provides the main artery through the centre of the pitch for the Premier League champions, and he often makes his most telling contribution in the final quarter of a match when all around him are wilting.
Torso: Mario Balotelli
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Clearly, the modern footballer is required to be a physical specimen. Any number of players could be marked here of having a body that appears to be carved out of marble.
However, Balotelli gets the nod here for his iconic celebration after scoring the second of his two goals against Germany in the semifinals of Euro 2012.
The Italian striker, usually prone to celebrating goals he scores by, well, not celebrating, whipped off his shirt and stood still in a classic Hulk Hogan pose as he lapped up the adulation.
Legs: Cristiano Ronaldo
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The Real Madrid forward also has an impressively chiseled physique which, given his famous ego, he would no doubt be only too proud to show off at any opportunity.
But here his is selected for his bulging, powerful thighs, which are the true secret of his success.
They give him the power to surge past foundering opponents, the strength to sustain any number of kicks from despairing defenders and the sheer power to fire home one of his trademark free kicks.
Feet: Lionel Messi
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The three-time, reigning World Footballer of the Year never fails to mesmerise with his incredible footwork.
Not only does he possess the kind of close control that makes it look like the ball is stuck to his feet as he runs, but he also has the ability to turn almost at right angles and lift delicate chips over goalkeepers after doing so.
It is no wonder that many have compared the way he moves to that of a player in a football game on Playstation.