Today is March 5, 2039, and I am writing you because you have not came to visit in over 10 years. I would call, but my cell phone got shut off...some billing issue thing. Anyway, I guess I blame myself.
The biggest regret in my life is that in 2009 I signed with the Seattle Seahawks instead of the Super Bowl ready Minnesota Vikings. At the time I thought I was doing it for you, to give you the best life I possibly could. Unfortunately I taught you that life is about material things, but after seeing what you have become I now know I was completely wrong.
If I had taken the smaller contract I probably would have won multiple Super Bowl rings and been glorified for eternity, instead my career went sadly unnoticed...except for defenses double covering me all day long. Now when people hear the name Houshmandzadeh they just say "Bless you."
I wish I could go back and make things right, but life just doesn't work that way. I guess the really sad part is that in the upcoming draft the Vikings took Percy Harvin, who became the greatest receiver of all time.
Please come and visit, I'm so lonely and so broke. Even if it is purely out of sympathy I would love to see you.