Every time an athlete hooks up with yet another ridiculously hot girl that most of you boys would sever a limb just to have a shot with, it becomes an international story in a Hollywood minute—but that's only natural. When beloved—or loathed—professional athletes are hooking up with models, actresses or even VIP cocktail waitresses, we all need to know.
It may seem like a fairy tale for a lot of these athletes, but there are only so many Gisele's and Adriana's to go around. You and I live and the real world, and in the real world statuesque goddesses aren't exactly the norm. There are plenty of athletes out there who are dating overbearing Plain Janes or gorgeous, but crazy, broads.
It seems athletes are a little more like us that you probably thought. They have to sacrifice sanity for beauty or beauty for sanity. And don't think you're alone, boys, the same goes for women. A lot of the best looking men out there are a few bricks short of a load.
Let's take a look at the 20 most overbearing WAGs in sports.
In reality tartlet Kristin Cavallari's defense, it's hard not to be overbearing when you're in a relationship with Droopy. Someone's gotta take control, otherwise they'd both be sitting at home, staring vacantly, moving lethargically and only occasionally leaving the apartment to freak the hell out at the paparazzi.
I was actually impressed when the Bears quarterback called off his ill-advised engagement to Cavallari in late 2011, but I really should have known better. Within weeks, the couple was back together, the wedding was on and Ms. Cavallari was with child.
Nothing is more overbearing than accidentally getting pregnant to get your man back.
Thank goodness we don't see much of Carrie Prejean or Kyle Boller these days. She was a vapid beauty queen on a moral crusade and he played a few remarkably unremarkable seasons as a starter with the Ravens before ultimately retiring in 2012.
After Prejean's big stand on "opposite marriage," she went on one of the most needless and irritating media tours of all time and never ceded even an inch of the moral high ground.
And then she married Kyle Boller. I think we know who wears the pants in that relationship.
I'm not sure if global superstar and national treasure Beyonce is overbearing, or if she's the only person in the world famous enough take the spotlight off her husband, world renowned rapper Jay-Z, when they're together. It just seems like they're always together and Beyonce is always the star.
It's just always about Beyonce. Jay-Z owns and is the face of the NBA's Brooklyn Nets, yet the only thing people every seem to be talking about is whether or not Beyonce hates Kim Kardashian, the bed buddy of Jay-Z's BFF Kanye West.
Beautiful actress Gabrielle Union used to have a lot going for her, career wise. After a starring turn in the surprise hit Bring It On, Union was landing TV and movie gigs left and right. But right around the time she and Heat superstar Dwyane Wade started dating in 2010, she kind of dropped off the planet.
Union has worked occasionally, but when she turns up on talk shows, she's far more interested in talking about her baller boyfriend than anything else. In 2012, she was even banned from sitting courtside by D-Wade, who said her yelling was distracting him.
Have you ever heard the term "new money?" It's an irritating bourgeois way for the long-time rich to demean plebs like us when we win the lottery or something. Normally it bothers me, but not when I use it to describe the girlfriend of Bruins forward Milan Lucic, Brittany Carnegie.
Actually, I guess I have to say fiancée because that sounds nicer than future ex-wife. I think of Ms. Brittany, and her ilk, as "new money" because they are first-time WAGs dating young superstar athletes. They think they're famous, they think they're in demand, and they're only job is to become a (insert sport here) wife.
While Lucic is doing his job and winning Stanley Cups, the future Mrs. Lucic spends time on Twitter demeaning other teams, players of other teams, and the girlfriends of other players. The NHL season may be over, but I suspect we'll be hearing a lot more from Carnegie when it finally resumes.
Especially on Twitter, where she's quite fond of the hashtag #hater. She may be a dumb gold digger, but at least she's right there: Everyone hates you.
If you've often wondered why Clippers forward Lamar Odom forward got hitched to the largest Kardashian in an impromptu ceremony in 2009, you're not alone. Khloe might not be as attractive as her smaller sisters, but she is just as emotionally vacant and desperate for the spotlight.
Odom has never been a superstar in the NBA, but he was a Laker, which was obviously good enough for Khloe. When her husband was clearly grief stricken about being bounced to Dallas, Khloe responded by having her reality TV crew document every painful moment.
Mercifully Khloe & Lamar was cancelled in April 2012, which means it is only a matter of time before the divorce papers show up at Odom's new pad. Many wondered if the newfound privacy would save their marriage, but privacy is something this overbearing Yeti wants nothing to do with.
I can't say that I like failed NFL quarterback Tim Hasselbeck, but I gotta respect the guy for managing to find a way to make himself (at least marginally) useful in his post-NFL career. He may not be the best of ESPN's talking heads, but the dude is far from the worst.
That being said…Tim Hasselbeck who? The sexy but shrill Elisabeth Hasselbeck is the true star of that marriage. She's obsessed with right-wing politics, hating on gluten, and basically spends every day and night finding ways to keep herself in the spotlight.
The couple are rarely spotted together. Maybe that means there's trouble in paradise, or maybe it means Matt is at home tending to the couple's three children while Elisabeth saves the world from gay people getting married.
One-time actress Ashley Judd actually had a little something going for herself in the mid-to-late 90's. She had a few at least moderately successful films in a row and seemed to be one of Hollywood's up-and-coming superstars.
And then she married race car driver Dario Franchitti and was, essentially, never heard from again. Judd has taken up the job as full-time racer wife, which apparently includes fighting her husband's battles for him; Judd provoked a fight with driver Milka Duno in 2007 following a race.
As retired quarterback Kurt Warner has stepped somewhat out of the spotlight, so has his famously overbearing and outspoken wife Brenda. It's been quite awhile since Brenda fell off the pubic radar, but when Warner signed with the Rams way back in 2002, it was Brenda that was the true star.
When anyone, and I mean anyone, had something the least bit negative to say about Kurt, Brenda was always the first one there to defend him…to radio stations…television stations…newspapers…magazines…and just about any media outlet with a pair of ears willing to listen.
Brenda, who is a nurse—or at least claims she is—even played doctor to her often ailing husband during his career. As you can imagine, this was much to the chagrin of Rams head coach Mike Martz.
Mrs. Warner would have been much higher up on this list if she hadn't fallen off the planet in recent years.
C.C. Sabathia has been pitching in the Major Leagues for over a decade, yet I have no recollection of ever actually hearing his voice. Granted, I'm not in New York, but it's still a little strange for a six-time All-Star. Unfortunately, I've heard Amber Sabathia's voice more than enough times to make up for the silence of her husband.
According to PlayersWives.com (shut up), Amber was the deciding factor in C.C. signing with Yankees. Apparently, she was intent on moving back to her native California, so her hubby made the Yanks GM Brian Cashman give his pitch to Amber instead. Apparently, she was impressed.
The legendary Oiler Wayne Gretzky's marriage to Janet Jones has always reminded me of King Edward VIII's marriage to Wallis Simpson—only Wayne Gretzky isn't a Nazi sympathizer.
England's King Edward was so in love that he abdicated the British throne to marry a divorced American socialite named Wallis Simpson. Wayne Gretzky, essentially the King of Canada at the time, abdicated his (metaphorical) throne to marry American actress Janet Jones, who had her sights set on the bright lights of Los Angeles.
It's hard to imagine that the great Gretzky would have ever defected his native country had he met a nice Canadian girl to settle down with.
It's also hard to imagine that a nice Canadian girl would have forever tainted Gretzky's legacy by being implicated in a gambling ring and giving birth to Paulina Gretzky, a less talented Lindsay Lohan with no discernible talent.
You might remember that former Playboy Playmate Kendra Wilkinson was one of the three blondes dating a very aged Hugh Hefner during E!'s The Girls Next Door. Actually, if you're anything like me, she's probably the only one you remember.
Kendra may be dumb as a brick, but at least she's entertaining, which is far more than I can say for those other two blondes whose names escape me and that husband of hers whose name also escapes me. When you see her on screen with anyone in her life, homegirl is the only one ever speaking.
I'm not sure if the husband or her handlers aren't allowed to speak or if they are unable to speak or if Kendra just never lets them get a word in edgewise. Not that it matters either way, because there's not one person on this planet that cares what Hank Baskett has on his mind.
Baseball Wives resident loon Anna Benson may not have former MLB pitcher Kris Benson to kick around anymore—word is one of them recently filed for divorce—but something tells me she'll find someone else to frighten until divorce do they part. Some men are just drawn to the crazy ones…trust me.
Benson was well known in Pittsburgh, but she didn't attract serious attention until Kris was traded to the Mets and Anna had that big New York media market at her disposal. Anna famously revealed to shock jock Howard Stern that her husband kept it in his pants, otherwise she'd be taking hers off for the entire Mets organization.
Anna made headlines for sexy photo shoots in FHM, pursuing a career as a professional poker player and now as a reality star who threatens people with dildos. Kris didn't make headlines unless until divorce was being discussed.
Professionally famous person Jessica Simpson's overbearing personality assures that just about anyone in her life will be living in a permanent shadow. Simpson is a terrible actress, a marginally talented singer and has huge "assets," but she possesses an innate ability to attract the spotlight.
Honestly, I'm not sure if opposites attract and she picks men devoid of personality and talent (see: ex-husband Nick Lachey and future ex-husband Eric Johnson) on purpose, or if it would just be impossible for any man to match her fart jokes, penchant for over-sharing and general tabloid antics.
Either way, these two are engaged and they even have a baby after the world's first three-year pregnancy, and I still had to look up Eric Johnson's name twice for this piece.
La La Vasquez is probably best known to the public as the one-time host of MTV's defunct Total Request Live. La La has landed hosting gigs on MTV and VH1 on the regular in recent years, but something tells me her marriage to Knicks superstar Carmelo Anthony has a lot to do with her success these days.
La La and her career aspirations were said to have been a major factor in Melo's desperation to get out of Denver. Even in Colorado, La La managed to land her own VH1 reality special, La La's Full Court Wedding. Clever…not.
And naturally, once the couple landed in New York, La La landed her own very boring VH1 reality show La La's Full Court Life, which miraculously lasted more than one season.
As a casual baseball fan, I was well aware of the saga that was former Cardinals superstar Albert Pujols' contract negotiation process that seemed to drag on for years. I didn't have a horse in that race, so when Pujols signed with the Angels, to say I couldn't have possibly cared less was an understatement.
I rarely begrudge an athlete going after the money that the market dictates he has earned. But then Deidre Pujols stepped into the spotlight and suddenly was front and center at every press conference for weeks—with poor Albert holding the kids and looking sadly into the distance.
I can't imagine Albert wasn't prepared for fan backlash when he left his longtime home in St. Louis for the sunny skies of California, but apparently Ms. Deidre was not. She took to the radio, television and press conferences to complain about how hard it was for her family.
I guess $240 million wasn't quite enough to dull the pain for Mrs. Pujols.
Listen, we all know that amateur porn star Kim Kardashian isn't currently dating an athlete; unless Kanye West has even more skills than I thought, but homegirl has dated her share of athletes. Hell, she's dated a lot of people's shares, and if she doesn't live happily ever after with Kanye (which she won't), she'll likely start scouting for her next prey at sporting events again.
Kim K. is about as overbearing as it comes with WAGs. If anyone saw even a moment of that absolute train wreck of a marriage, courtship and inevitable divorce from the Nets forward Kris Humphries, you know that nobody puts Baby (and her monstrously sized ass) in a corner.
Kim controlled every aspect of that "relationship." From their "spontaneous" meeting, to the "impromptu" marriage proposal, to the multi-million dollar wedding, and then the divorce that followed weeks later. I know everyone hates Kris as a result of this, but I feel bad for the guy. He just got caught in a cyclone of fame-whoring and butt jiggling.
Jackie Christie is the wife of retired NBA player Doug Christie. During Doug's career in the league, Christie was notorious for limiting access to her husband, going so far as to require him to change in a separate locker room after games to limit his contact with female reporters—and females in general.
The couple married in 2002 and have remarried on their wedding anniversary every year since. That's right, folks; ten weddings and counting! Christie is one of the stars of the VH1 train wreck Basketball Wives, so you know she's an alpha female.
She's also, apparently, bringing home the bacon these days because Doug is a house husband who spends his days cooking, cleaning and home schooling the kids. At least that's when he's not busy with Christie building their porn empire.
Listen, I'm not going to sit here and lie and say that if soccer stud David Beckham was my man that I wouldn't have both eyes on him at all times, especially considering the vast history he has of cheating on Ms. Victoria Beckham. Rumors and innuendo, as well Becks being caught redhanded, date back over a decade.
That is probably why Victoria is by his side as much as humanly possible. She's on hand at Lakers games giving him the evil eye when he's giving the eye to the Lakers girls, and she's even been known to prevent David from doing interviews with pretty reporters.
Victoria may be overbearing, but she certainly has reason to be. The latest Becks cheating saga started playing itself out in late August 2012 and the pair have not looked happy to be in each other's company of late.
Remember when Vanessa Bryant, Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant's wife of over a decade, filed for divorce back in December 2011? Call me crazy, but I thought that meant the two high school sweethearts—assuming Vanessa went to high school—were getting a divorce.
Remember how they divided up the assets and Vanessa got a billion dollars (give or take) and 50 California properties (give or take) and…yeah. That sure sounds like a divorce to me, but apparently Vanessa was just faking Kobe out.
After giving it some thought, Ms. Thang decided she didn't want to be married to Kobe anymore, and she also came to the revelation that divorcing him meant that she no longer had her place on a pedestal sitting well above all the other lowly basketball wives.
If you haven't read Vanessa's vile interview with NY Mag, you can view it here, but I wouldn't recommend it.