What are you doing Thursday night?
Do you have NFL Network, or will you be relegated to spending three times the cost of the upgrade fee on beer and wings?
Leading this off with some stupidity pointing out that the Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers are playing on Thursday night would be like telling you that people who don't wear deodorant stink.
The NFL and fantasy football have become more popular than combing your hair.
I bet your grandmother plays fantasy football now instead of Bridge. I played against my mom in Week 1 on fanduel.com and afterward she asked me "who the hell was wearing Mark Sanchez's jersey today?"
Yes, mom, he does seem like a nice young man, and yes, he's usually awful.
The Bears and Packers rivalry, however, is not awful. Chicago has lost four straight games to its arch nemesis, but has upgraded its arsenal in a way that would make Frank Castle proud.
No, not Richard Castle. Frank Castle is the Punisher.
The defenses will play along with my analogy, filling the role of the incompetent bad guys who can never hit what they're shooting at, eventually meeting their demise due to incompetence.
Obviously I'm exaggerating the inadequacies of the defenses, but this introduction has to be 300 characters, so I have to say something.
Now that you've no doubt stopped reading this and skipped ahead to the eight predictions, I don't need to tell you that I'll be following this slide with eight borderline-crazy, but still intriguingly sane predictions for this game. After which point, feel free to tell me that I'm an idiot.