Will Ferrell as Ricky Bobby (let me just quote the late, great Colonel Sanders, who said… “I’m too drunk to taste this chicken”) and John C. Reilly as Cal Naughton, Jr. (I like to think of Jesus, like, with giant eagle’s wings, and singin’ lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with, like, an angel band and I’m in the front row and I’m hammered drunk) in Talladega Nights.
These are just a few who stand out off the top of my head.
But if you are looking for the funniest, most outrageous fictional sports characters, there are two words you can say that are sure to send a stream of whatever liquid I’m drinking shooting out of my nose and into your face. The Hansons. That’s all you have to say.
The Hanson brothers are icons of the sports world, bigger than life. They are as American as hockey and Doritos. Dare I say it? Without the Hanson’s, there would be no America.
My point is the Hanson’s helped shape who I am as a person. They are responsible for the man I am today. So what if I am writing this from a maximum security facility, serving 30-to-life? The judge may have called it attempted murder but I say I was just being an American.
And really, wouldn’t we all be better off if we all lived by the golden rule: Do unto others as the Hanson’s would do unto you.
P.S. If there are any competent defense attorneys out there reading this, I could really use some good legal advice. And no matter what my previous attorney and his proctologist may tell you, he slipped and fell on that hockey stick. It was a million to one shot.
*Bleacher Report Disclaimer – Bleacher Report strongly discourages anybody from making contact of any kind with this psycho. It is a matter of court record that he threatened to turn his attorney into a popsicle before the hockey stick incident.*
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