With the recent cancellation of UFC 151 and the residual onslaught of finger pointing by media and management alike, I felt that a lighthearted article was due.
The summer is coming to a close and if you are not blessed to live in Southern California, you may dread the upcoming months when the temperatures begin to plummet and the snow begins to fall.
Dreaming of a deserted island as a mental escape is one way to cope with the freezing temperatures, the gusty winds, the sour moods and the desperate hope for spring.
Honestly, on a deserted island, I would not last three days.
I do not possess the survival skills of Bear Grylls, nor do I have the mechanical know-how to engineer housing, or create an effective weapon for protection, or how to hunt, or what, if anything, is a substitute for toilet paper in the wild.
I would obviously need some help.
Scouring the MMA talent, being deserted on an island with these five fighters would definitely increase my chance of survival.
First, I will need someone to build housing
Secondly, a fighter who knows how to hunt is essential.
Third, someone to serve as protection if I am converted from predator to prey.
Fourth, a source for morale.
And lastly, the intangible. The fighter just in case.
These are the top five fighters I would choose to be stranded on an island with based on their individual skill sets and talents outside of the Octagon.
Shane Carwin: Who knew he could build housing?
Former interim UFC heavyweight champion Shane Carwin could serve many purposes on a deserted island.
At 6'2", 255 pounds of ferocious muscle with hands the size of a grizzly bear, one thunderous whack by this beast could easily be a source of protection.
Mount a wagon to Carwin and the former Division II wrestling sensation could also serve as a means to haul supplies and food from one side of the island to the other.
All of his physical attributes aside, Carwin's intelligence will serve a greater good.
Graduating with a degree in Mechanical Engineering, his knowledge of how to construct housing will be imperative for survival.
Carwin's classwork and book smarts will enable him to thatch roofing onto a structure made by the vegetation on the island.
I am quite certain that he could create an engineering marvel equipped with a sun room, a balcony, running water, vaulted ceilings and every other housing amenity possible.
Considering that I am the first to admit that I choose hotels over camping, Carwin's engineering know-how will be essential to my survival.
Possessing a lethal left hand that knocked out Jon Fitch in only 12 seconds, Johny Hendricks chooses to take down his prey the more conventional way—with a rifle.
A seasoned hunter, Hendricks has been quoted as saying that he typically hunts once every three weeks.
Prey has included hogs and coyotes, but I am sure that this former Oklahoma State University wrestling standout can snare just about anything with four legs.
Hunting is a very patient endeavor, dependent on keen insight into your surroundings and environment. Stranded on a desert island, Hendricks' talent behind the scope will definitely provide food for the group.
(Hmmm...now where does one get a rifle on a deserted island?)
Those arms will serve their purpose.
A monster of a man, Alistair Overeem stands a lofty 6'4" tall and weighs in at 265 pounds.
With arms the size of cantaloupes and the physical stature able to eclipse shadows twice his size, Overeem would be an ideal choice as protector.
Dominant in size and threatening in appearance, wild animals will think twice about sneaking up on me if I stay close to the "Reem."
Not sure if his K-1 talents or UFC pedigree could take down a predator larger than him. What I do know, however, is that I do not stand a chance against an animal that size.
So if you are not busy, Alistair, would you mind keeping me alive on this island?
One necessary intangible of surviving in the wild is high morale.
Providing food and shelter satisfy the basic survival instincts for most. An additional instinct, however, is the pursuit of happiness.
For some men, happiness is accomplished through their stomachs. Others choose a different route through their (cough, cough...this is a family website, so I will allow you to fill in the blank here).
What better way to keep the testosterone flowing and the feelings of happiness present than with the undeniable beauty of Ronda Rousey.
An infectious smile on a deserted island is definitely one way to keep morale high and make the most of the situation.
The sacrificial lamb, Dominick Cruz.
Every survival scenario requires a sacrificial lamb.
Bruce Willis allowed himself to get nuked in Armageddon so that his crew and the world survived.
Spock saved lives on the Enterprise in Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan by repairing a reactor leak.
And Father Karras sacrificed himself in order to keep the demon from killing Regan in the Exorcist.
On this deserted island, our survival will depend on that one person who will throw caution to the wind and traverse a mountainside, or descend into the valleys to forage for food, or spear fish in shark-infested waters.
That sacrificial lamb for my island would be Dominick Cruz.
Not because I want to canonize Cruz a martyr or because I feel that Dominick is a survivalist at heart with pure altruism coursing through his veins.
Rather, my disdain for Cruz runs deep and like I said, every survival scenario requires a sacrificial lamb. So who better than the fighter I loathe the most?
I am quite certain that the UFC bantamweight champion would be an excellent hunter and could even serve as a source of morale, but I would not think twice to step behind him if confronted by a raging bull. Or to vote for Cruz to be the one to take on the riskiest tasks.
You claim to be the "Dominator." No better way to validate your nickname than by dominating mother nature and preserving the safety of your island-mates.
Thanks, Dominick. I will send you a Christmas card.