College football starts tonight. I know, right? It's been a while. I have absolutely nothing to talk about that would really matter at this point, so I figured I would write about one of my favorite subjects: college football's live mascots.
These are in no particular order. While LSU's Mike the Tiger could easily maul any of us, it doesn't mean he's any more or less awesome than Uga over in Athens.
Teams that shouldn't get their hopes up because your mascot won't be in this slideshow:
- Nebraska. Sorry but somebody dressed as Herbie just doesn't count. Also, nobody really knows WHAT 'Lil Red is. And no, Sexy Rexy cannot be your mascot. Stop it, ladies.
- Oregon. I know Donald Duck is a live duck and in all the cartoons, but the Harley-riding mascot for the Ducks simply doesn't count. It's cool, but he needs a different name than "Puddles."
- Florida. Please don't believe that I don't think alligators are fearsome. They are. People dressed up like alligators? Reminds me of the early 90s TV show "Dinosaurs."
- Kansas. Big Jay is a cool mascot, but come on. He isn't even a real animal.
- Alabama. Okay the elephant is cool. Why not a live one? Forget the whole, "Oh no, he's going to trample somebody circus elephant style!" Isn't that what tranquilizer darts are for?
- Michigan. You don't even have a mascot, and the Wolverine isn't native to Michigan.
- Kentucky. Why would I even mention Kentucky? Well, they actually HAVE a live mascot. His name is Blue. The problem? The live mascot for the Kentucky Wildcats is...a bobcat.
- San Diego State. I know Monty Montezuma is a big thing for you guys, but I'm not certain the real Montezuma would be all about a guy holding a conch. Just saying.
- Syracuse. Um, what exactly is Otto? I understand it can be a little difficult to find a good mascot when your nickname is a color, though.
- Georgia Tech. That 1930 Ford Model A Sports Coup is a thing of beauty. If only she were alive.
- Butler. I understand Buster Blue II is awesome and is even on Twitter, but you don't have a college football team. Congrats on being the only team that has ever been allowed to have a live mascot in the arena during the NCAA Tournament, though.
- Virginia Tech. Hokiebird is cool. Don't let anybody tell you differently. If he was real and still pulled people around in carts on the sidelines, that would be even cooler.
If I missed your school, please feel free to let me know!