"Cool Runnings" Director Eyes Unbelievable Olympic Whale Movie "Beached"

Gabe Zaldivar@gabezalPop Culture Lead WriterAugust 29, 2012

Photo Credit: SAAW International
Photo Credit: SAAW International

I don't pray often. When it comes to the possibility of the movie "Beached" being made, I kneel reverently in front of my Tim Tebow poster amid a flood of lit candles. 

This is my kind of bad movie.

The Hollywood Reporter (h/t BuzzFeed) decided to make all of our days when they reported there is a movie in the works so amazing, it mandates explanation without a straight face. 

Jon Turteltaub, best known for his work on Disney’s National Treasure movies, has come aboard to develop Fox 2000’s Beached as a directing vehicle.

Beached centers on a chubby 4-year-old child who falls overboard during a family outing, is raised by whales and goes on to become an Olympic swimmer. (No, it’s not the Ryan Lochte story.)

If there is any justice in the world, this movie that has been in development since 1997 will actually grow legs and walk into production. 

I have two categories of movies that I enjoy. All you need to know is that "Casablanca" sits in one and "Weekend at Bernie's II" sits in the other. 

While Turteltaub directed a movie in "Cool Runnings" that rests in the good-good movies, "Beached" is already destined for my Netflix cue for movies so bad they make you smile throughout, like every made-for-TV movie on the SyFy channel.

"Piranhaconda," we are looking at you. 

I love the entire premise of a "chubby" boy raised in the wild. Just like 1987's "Walk Like a Man" with Howie Mandel, but with more Olympics and less wild antics. 

This movie simply needs to be made, because we already have the tag line: Life can be a whale of a time. 

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