With the benches now empty, take a combat stance and prepare for all on-comers. Preferably, go the Pedro Martinez rout and attack the oldest man that you can find. Over 60 is optimal as their reflexes will be sluggish from the slow death of aging.
Action: Order is restored as you are pulled away from the other team by your own teammates and pushed back to the dugout.
Reaction: Never stop shouting insults and profanities. Just because you are being pulled off a guy that might be unconscious, doesn't mean you have to stop asserting your manhood and dominance. After all, it's your plate.
Outcome: You are fined and suspended.
Reaction: None. It is early is the season and there are well over 100 games to go. You are fined, but it is tantamount to an average Joe getting a parking ticket. You don't want to pay it, but it really doesn't affect your overall finances.
Follow these steps and you will be on your way down the path that so many have gone before you. You will show a new generation of youth that you are incapable of shrugging off adversity and handling your issues in a civilized and mature manner.
After all, you aren't getting paid enough to take the same kind of treatment that thousands of minor league and farm-club level players would dream of at the major-league level.
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