The Dallas Cowboys' Adventures in Babysitting Dez Bryant

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The Dallas Cowboys' Adventures in Babysitting Dez Bryant
Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

As a 32-year-old adult, I can basically do whatever I want.

If I want to eat ice cream for dinner, then I’ll do it.  If I want to watch television until five in the morning, then I’ll stare at infomercials till the sunrises.

At the same time, if I determine my night will include strip clubs, alcohol and staying out past the midnight hour, then so be it. 

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant can’t repeat the personal freedom I have.

The 23-year-old alleged mother beater and once-accused jewel thief  has been grounded and sent to his room by Dallas owner Jerry Jones.  In return for being a knucklehead since entering the league, Bryant has been given a form of daddy-sized discipline.

In addition to the no fun rules, Bryant is to have a personal escort (Cowboy employee. Get your head out of the gutter) with him at all times.  Essentially, a grown man has been reduced to a voiceless child with no choice but to follow superior’s directive.

Guess what?  Tough.

Delinquents like Dez need a dose of reality every now and then so they don’t forget how lucky they are to be in such a privileged position.  When I was 23, I did a lot of stuff of questionable things as well, but I wasn’t being paid $2.36 million by anyone to perform my craft.  Hell, I don’t even have a craft.

It goes without saying that considering the source of the enforcer, the proposition appears to be a bit hypothetical.  Throughout the years, Jerry Jones hasn’t exactly watched over his players as if they were choirboys.  In fact, the same guy who is pushing his personal martial law on Dez used to allow pimp daddy Michael Irvin to gallivant around Dallas looking like Pootie Tang.

Tom Pennington/Getty Images

But at the end of the day, Dez Bryant needs to realize he has god given football talent most men would…give up strippers and alcohol for.


It’s conceivably possible that no one has ever told Dez Bryant what to do.  His troubled upbringing is well-documented, and a lack of leadership appears to be a constant running theme growing up.  If Bryant can follow the rules set up for him, he can excel at something he and countless other athletes have never accomplished.

Growing up.

   Also Appears on Sporting Sarcasm

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