NFL play-by-play and color commentators have been around forever, usually annoying and/or baffling us with their incoherent chatter while we attempt to watch the action on the field.
There are some good groups that do a good job of keeping the viewer informed on what they may have missed, updating injury situations and the like and even educating the casual fan a little bit by taking a closer look at the key plays.
But all in all, it's just mindless drivel that takes away from the true entertainment of the game.
In this profession littered with bumbling twits just rambling into a microphone and pretending to know what they're talking about, there are a few that stick out from the horrible bunch.
When these guys come on, have the "mute" button ready.
With the newest Madden NFL title including commentary from these two, many fans will get sick of them very quickly. Odds are good that these guys will get muted virtually before they even get the chance to call any real games.
Why in the world the Madden developers picked these two is beyond me.
Jim Nantz loves hearing the sound of his own voice more than anything, and Phil Simms has transitioned from just a slightly-above-average quarterback to a color commentator ranging from just bearable to downright awful.
These guys will get muted quicker than most thanks to their babbling now infesting our beloved video game franchise as well as berating us on Sundays.
This is probably unfair to Greg Gumbel since he does a serviceable job on the play-by-play duties. Dierdorf, on the other hand, is almost enough to make your ears bleed.
Whenever subjected to commentary by Dan Dierdorf, I find myself wishing I had the ability to leap through the TV, grab him by the collar, shake him vigorously, and shout "What in the hell are you talking about, you fool?!"
Yeah, it's that bad.
It's truly enough to make me wonder how in the world he was a good offensive lineman back in his playing days.
He's like John Madden with the way he rambles, but at least Madden rambled something that usually made sense at the end. Dierdorf likely even tunes himself out after so long.
Ever since Joe Buck went on and on and on and on (and on) about Randy Moss pretending to moon the Green Bay fans and what a terrible, "disgusting" act that was, I've found a little vein pops out of my forehead whenever he's commentating a game I'd like to watch.
The man has an obvious smugness to him that makes him extremely unlikable. If he had a reason to be smug, that would be bad enough, but it's the undeserved sense of accomplishment that really drives it home.
Then, if he wasn't bad enough, Troy Aikman is always willing to make things worse by giving some fourth-grade interpretation of what just took place on the field.
Yes, Troy, Chris Johnson is fast. Thank you.
Oh, and yes, we know, you played for the Dallas Cowboys.
Note to CBS and FOX: A recognizable name and the ability to put together a sentence does not qualify someone to be a color commentator.
Quick poll: Am I the only one who did not expect Kenny Albert to look like that? I can't be the only one who did not put that voice coming out of that dopey body, right?
But anyway, here we have another former Dallas Cowboy who just can't get enough of his former team. Daryl Johnston takes any opportunity to praise the Cowboys he can find and, like Aikman, really doesn't try to hide the bias.
Sure, both guys will take shots at the Cowboys, but it's really only for things that can't be ignored and are almost impossible to defend anymore, a la their postseason failures.
And whether it's just part of his job description or a lack of knowledge on his part, Albert feeds right into pretty much anything Johnston says and prolongs our agony by asking him—gulp—follow-up questions.
The only thing that saves this from being much, much worse is Tony Siragusa on the sidelines. I understand a lot of people pick on Goose, but I think he tries his best to give real insight and educate the viewer a little bit. I think, however, he's hamstrung by the stupid role in which FOX has placed him.
Put Goose with a different combo, or even in the booth, and FOX might have something.
Once again, this is more about the color commentator than the play-by-play guy. That's not to say Ian Eagle is really any good (because he's not) but Dan Fouts is so clueless it's scary.
Like Simms, Fouts was just a notch above average during his playing days. Fouts put up good numbers, but he was in an offense conducive to achieving those big passing numbers and ultimately came up short every time the San Diego Chargers called on him.
The guy was like an egg under pressure.
That has found its way to the booth as well. It seems like the common theme between these awful crews is a play-by-play guy who doesn't understand the sport and a color commentator who enjoys the sound of his own voice far, far too much.
Fouts is one of those guys.
He doesn't care if it makes sense and he isn't concerned with whether it's relevant. As long as his lips are moving, he's more than content.
Unfortunately for us on the receiving end it's 95 percent gibberish.
I've enjoyed Fouts as a commentator one time, and only one time. That was with Brent Musberger in The Waterboy.
"He really knocked the poop out of him!"
Only time Fouts has talked and I didn't want to rip my ears off.