Why Allen Iverson Doesn't Work in Detroit

Walter Gibson www.dbbsports.comContributor IFebruary 26, 2009

Some things are well known and obvious: The Lions suck; Charles Barkely has a big mouth; Scarlett Johansson is hot.

well known obvious hottie

Some things are less well known but still very obvious: Calvin Johnson is sweet; Charles Barkely is overpaid; Louise Redknapp is hot.

Louise Redknapp: less well known obvious hottie

And some things are completely unknown even though they are blatantly obvious: A league won’t be successful if nobody watches it. Definitely obvious to fans, but clearly unknown by management.

Note the recent departure of the AFL. More to the point, note the recent arrival of the WPS.

I know, you’ve never heard of the WPS. I’ll help you out. The biggest star in the league is Marta. Still unsure? Here’s another hint: The WPS is replacing a league called the WUSA.

Got it yet? Of course not. Because it’s a soccer league. For women. That’s right, Women’s Professional Soccer. Yeah, that should do well.

Nobody watches women’s sports. Unless of course it’s tennis. But then with tennis we’re not really watching the sport so much as hoping for a good perv up the skirt.

Why perving at tennis matches isn’t always a good idea.

Let me be clear here. My contention is with idiots who ignore the obvious, not with women, not with soccer. I love them both.

In fact, I think the greatest league in the world is a soccer league. The Champions League. Hands down it produces the greatest, truest world champion in all of sports.

Sorry World Series. Baseball is a game. Not a sport. By my standards, you aren’t playing a sport if you can pick your balls, chew tobacco, and rub your spare tire the whole time you’re playing it.

The Champions League takes the best 32 teams from around the world, from La Liga in Spain, from The Bundesliga in Germany, the Premiership in England and so on. The teams play each other throughout the year until one team is left. That’s the champion. The world’s best soccer team.

No other team sport has anything similar. And while the Champion’s League doesn’t include teams from the U.S. or Africa or Asia, that’s for a good reason. Those teams suck. That would be like making the Patriots play the Stampeders.

Yes, that’s Calgary. Yes, they were the 2008 CFL champions. Yes, I had to look that up.

The Champions League also does not include teams from South America. Because even though South America has great soccer tradition, all of their best players play in Europe. And they do so to avoid being shot after the game.

I realize that nobody here cares about the Champions League. Most Americans hate soccer because it’s boring. Right. But we watch golf—edge of your seat kind of stuff.

Americans also hate soccer because of the diving. Yeah, because nobody flops in the NBA. Nope, you never see arms go flailing in a backwards swan dive to the paint. Never.

And of course Americans hate soccer because it’s a pussy sport. Uh huh. The wear and tear that soccer puts on the body would send most other athletes crawling home before halftime. Or, in Allen Iverson’s case, before game time.

Hey Allen, just because the rest of Detroit isn’t working doesn’t mean you should be sitting on your ass all day too.

Proof that AI was a slacker long before he came to Detroit

But, since I know America is convinced that soccer is for the weak, I’d like to include a couple of pictures to fuel the fire.

Soccer players – what a bunch of pussies.

For more, visit http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (Real Guys Holding Sports Accountable), or if you think A-Rod is innocent, visit www.dbbsports.com <http://www.dbbsports.com> .