Chris Perez has no sense of humor but he is still pretty hilarious.
The Indians closer recently got into a verbal sparring session with an Oakland A's fan who got right in that hilarious part under Perez's skin.
Be warned, the video (h/t Big Lead Sports) is NSFW, assuming your workplace doesn't condone f-bombs, d-bombs and every other bomb you can think of.
Deadspin has a great transcription of this epic video of Perez sticking up for himself and really just wanting an A's fan to remove something naughty from his mouth. Here it is with some careful exclusions for expletives.
Fan: "Blow some more saves, bro. Blow some more saves. Both of you. You and guy ... blow some more saves."
Perez: "I got more saves than your whole (expletive) team does, so why don't you go look at those stats, you f*****."
Fan: "Oh, what's the standings? Oh, we're ahead of you."
Perez: "I don't give a (expletive). I don't give a (expletive)."
Fan (to security): "He's swearing. I'm not."
Perez: "What's my salary this year?"
Fan: "What's your salary? Who gives a s***? How many blown saves you got?"
Perez: "Four. Was I an All-Star again? Was I an All-Star again?"
Fan (to some other Indians player): "Hey, who the hell are you? Who the hell are you? I don't even know who you are."
Perez: "Was I an All-Star again, you piece of (expletive)? Go back to your f****** [inaudible]."
Fan (to someone else): "Go back to whatever Triple-A team you are. You're all scrubs. You play for the Indians."
Perez asks security to remove the fan.
Fan: "Oh, get me out of here?"
Perez (waving good bye to fan): "Have a nice day."
Fan: "Have I said a swear word?"
Perez (walking away): "Get your d*** out of your mouth."
Fan: "I haven't ... Oh. Really? Really? Hey. Did you hear that?
Other fan: "I did."
Fan: Did you hear that? You're classless, bro. Get a haircut. You're garbage. You are garbage. You're garbage. Way to come over here and show yourself. Way to prove yourself, garbage man."
Other fan: "Hey, gimme a high-five. They gave each other high-fives."
Fan: Yeah, keep walking away. Garbage. (quietly) F****** c***."
First off, stop shooting video vertically because it really make you seem like a Neanderthal who has never come across a video recording device. Shoot horizontally like a normal human being.
Also, Perez really needs to do some hateful form of stand-up in every city he visits, because he is just too funny. I even love how he wants this fan kicked out too.
No, Broseph. You can't get someone kicked out simply because you decided to actually engage a heckler, something that looms around every polluted corner of Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum.
However, we love your one-liners that deserve as much placement on T-shirts as Bryce Harper's "Clown Question, Bro."
Be warned MLB fans, the man with 32 saves is a bit sensitive about his talent, and rubbing him the wrong way has ridiculous results.
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