Dear Kobe Bryant,

When you give interviews, you sound like a strange combination of Michael Jordan and Alex Rodriguez. The way you say the word "basketball" makes me grimace.

Why do you always say you love "the game of basketball"? Why are you so specific? Are you afraid that if you say, "I love basketball", that an actual basketball will think that you love it? Are you afraid that it won't love you back?

I love ice cream, but I would never go around saying, "I love the food of ice cream". I just say, "I love ice cream". If a certain ice cream thinks I'm in love with it, it would just have to have its feelings melted. (Sorry ice cream, that's just how I feel about it.)

Good luck working through your basketball love dilemma. In the meantime, your secret is safe with me.

Sincerely,

R. LeBaron

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