Birds have wings, airplanes have wings, bats have wings, certain insects have wings, Wile E. Coyote has wings when he puts on an ACME rubber suit with wings in an optimistic effort to catch that dastardly Roadrunner, but people, people do not have wings.
Well, that’s not entirely true. There is LeScraw James.
A Dr. Alan Grant decided we needed a new type of basketball player, but as a paleontologist, he saw only one option before him. He located as much amber containing fossilized mosquitoes as he could and eventually extracted the DNA he needed. Using frog DNA to fill in the missing gaps in the 150,000 year old DNA strands, he combined his mad-scientist soup with an ostrich egg.
The rest, as the winners say, is history.
Possessing a wingspan of 20-feet and a powerful beak capable of eating medium-sized mammals, LeScraw James is…well…not very good at basketball. I mean, he’s a friggin' pterodactyl. He doesn’t have any hands. He tries really hard though, and damn, do I have to say it again? He’s a friggin' pterodactyl!
Coach Erik Spoelstra uses a laser pointer to get LeScraw James to move around the field—bless his heart, he’s like a cat—he shines it on the basketball when he wants James to go for it in hopes of scoring a goal. The problem is, James is kind of territorial and that basketball instinctively reminds him of a pterodactyl egg. When he gets it, he tends to fly it away to his nest and pecks anyone in the face who tries to retrieve it.
But man, he tries really, really hard…for a pterodactyl.
He hates the Toronto Raptors because raptors killed his mother and ate his father.
He’s changing the game of basketball and when asked if he thought he had a place in the 2016 Summer Olympics, he responded with, “SCRAW!”
Word has it that the Los Angeles Lakers are getting their own Paleolithic player named Kobe Bryantasaurus…who is a brontosaurus.
What It Actually Means
Well, that should be pretty obvious. A wingspan is a measurement of wings and the term is applied to basketball. I’m not really sure why arm span is a term that exists, though it’s sadly two words instead of one. I suppose that makes it inferior.
I don’t know when the jargon term of the word came about. The Oxford English Dictionary isn’t any help and neither is Dictionary.com.