On August 19th, the WWE once again rolls into the Staples Center in Los Angeles to present SummerSlam.
So what exactly does the WWE have in store for the 25th SummerSlam? That’s what we are here to find out. With only five matches announced so far, we will need to speculate just how the entire show will come together.
Will there be any more matches announced?
Will CM Punk reign supreme?
Will Triple H actually lose?
The best way to know what could happen is to examine the best- and worst-case scenarios for SummerSlam.
AJ manages not to get involved in the match at all.
Daniel Bryan and Kane get 15 minutes to show their ability in the ring. Nearing the end Bryan applies the Label/YES/NO lock on Kane. Kane struggles to get to his feet and just as it seems Kane is going to overpower Bryan, he collapses to the mat unconscious.
The referee calls the match and Bryan wins, however Bryan is not finished. Throughout the night we see Bryan continuously assaulting different backstage workers as he finally snaps.
After the WWE title match, which CM Punk wins, Bryan comes to the ring and beats up on CM Punk.
Thus we get the luxury of watching Bryan and Punk feud in a very personal string of matches and the WWE creatives forget all about John Cena and the Rock.
After both men enter the ring, AJ’s music hits. After AJ skips around the ring 19 times, Kane finally hits Daniel Bryan. However, despite a match taking place, the camera stays firmly planted on AJ (who has now started skipping again). The fans start chanting “YES” along with AJ, the commentators only talk about AJ and her entrance music continuously plays.
This continues for the duration of the seven minute long match (Triple H is not going to give Bryan that much time in a ring). Once the match ends and Kane wins, AJ skips along as Kane chases after her to confess his love.
Bryan, still in the ring, chants “Yes” and “No” for the next five minutes until he has a legitimate nervous breakdown because of the stuff the WWE makes him do. He gets carted away, even though the fans in attendance think it is part of the show, and we never see Bryan again.
Best Case Scenario
We get the WRESTLING match we all deserve to see and these two men deserve to put on. After 30 minutes, Ziggler is victorious after hitting Jericho with a Zig-Zag from the top rope.
Ziggler goes on to take the WHC from Sheamus later on in the show and eventually this leads to WrestleMania where he defends his WHC against Wade Barrett.
Jericho gets his last true highlight in his career and fades off into the wrestling sunset forever...or at least until Fozzy’s tour is done.
Worst Case Scenario
As the intense match between Ziggler and Jericho rages there is a distinctive absence. Ziggler was not introduced by Vickie, much to the pleasure of everyone with eardrums, nor is she ringside.
As Ziggler rolls Jericho over and applies the Walls of Jericho we hear “Excuse Me!”
Vickie comes running down to the ring, wearing way too skimpy clothing, and says she has a confession to make. As Ziggler tries to tell Vickie to go to the back, Jericho looks on in loathing. Vickie’s big secret is...Jericho is Ziggler’s real father.
Ziggler falls to the ground screaming in a ridiculously overly dramatic scene, and then gets counted out by the referee.
The following months are filled with a Star Wars inspired father-son relationship which consumes all of Ziggler’s attention. So much so that Ziggler’s contract expires without him ever cashing it.
As the title match starts to close in on 11 minutes, Alberto Del Rio locks in the armbar (and yes, WWE, it is an armbar even if you don’t want to say it because Joe Rogan might say that on a UFC PPV) and decides to prove a point.
Del Rio actually snaps Sheamus’s arm. Sheamus though still breaks the lock and Brogue Kick’s Del Rio's head so severely that Del Rio suffers a major concussion. Sheamus then picks up the win, but ends up passing out due to the overwhelming pain in his arm.
Ziggler then cashes in the briefcase and becomes the new World Heavyweight Champion. In turn Del Rio is forced to retire and Sheamus ends up taking 10 months off due to his arm.
Worst Case Scenario
Either of these men walks out of SummerSlam as the champion.
This match remains mercifully short. After about five minutes of sloppiness, Paul Heyman grabs a mic.
Heyman goes on about how the WWE is absolutely nothing now, how he remembers when this company was the juggernaut, constantly adapting and getting better. Heyman claims that those days died long ago. Heyman then says that he is about the shake things up.
As Michael Cole prattles on about something, we hear the crowd start making noise. First, we see Seth Rollins come through the crowd, then Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt. As these three enclose on the ring, CM Punk silently walks down the entrance ramp.
These four attack both Tirple H and Brock Lesner. After the beatdown, Heyman says that Lesner is just a money-hungry reject who could never make it.
Triple H refuses to let this UFC-reject go over him. Brock Lesner is content making his ridiculously large sums of money for minimal work.
We have a 20-minute long match were Tirple H beats up on Lesner and Lesner is too content to really sell any of Triple H’s moves. As the match is mercifully nearing the end, Triple H sets up Lesner for pedigree. However, Shawn Michaels decides that kicking his best friend in the head worked before (Oh, poor Marty) so why not now? HBK delivers a Sweet Chin Music to Triple H and stands at the top of the ramp awaiting the WWE to make him emperor.
But Brock has no idea how to play this incident off so he gestures towards Paul Heyman. Heyman spews microphone gold for seven minutes until Triple H comes to and pins Lesner.
We then get a Jerry Springer-inspired angle between Triple H and HBK, which has already been done, but still get prime real estate every week for until WrestleMania.
As Big Show walks to the ring, he accidentally trips and can’t get up.
After a collective “oh well” from the audience the match proceeds anyway. Cena and Punk go back and forth throughout the entire match. Finally, the Big Show gets back to his feet and charges to the ring at the speed of a three-legged turtle.
When Big Show gets to the ring, the match had already ended six minutes ago and Punk is already badmouthing the Rock saying he will never take to belt from him. Big Show then finally realizes that he is too old for this and retires on the spot.
Big Show wins.
Best matches that could be added:
Antonio Cesario vs Santino Marella for the US Championship.
Jindar Mahal vs Ryback in a Falls Count Anywhere match.
Damien Sandow vs Brodus Clay: A match Sandow would destroy Clay in so he could leave for a while to be repackaged for his upcoming horror film.
Worst matches that could be added:
Tyler Reks, Curt Hawkins and Jindar Mahal vs Ryback.
The Miz vs Alex Riley for the Intercontinental Championship (Hey... A-Ry won a match).
Anything involving Rey Mysterio.
So there you have it, the best- and worst-case scenarios for every match scheduled to take place in Los Angeles at SummerSlam.
Do you think SummersSlam is going to be the biggest blockbuster of the year?
Do you want to tell me that I have no idea what I’m doing?
Or do you actually think I’m on the something?
Leave me a positive or a negative comment below and feel free to leave suggestions for future scenarios that you would like to see.
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