The Ends Of a Era: Emmitt Smith Cut by ESPN

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The Ends Of a Era: Emmitt Smith Cut by ESPN

ESPN has just gotten more grammatically and factually correct, yet lost.

Not renewing the contract of one Emmitt Smith may have been the "smart" thing to do, but as Emmit has shown us during his years with ESPN, intelligence (or "Smartitude" if you ask Emmitt) is overrated.

While viewers have learned nothing from listening to Emmitt except how not to speak properly, it's the entertainment value that Emmitt brought that will be missed. Various sites throughout the interwebs (and the Jimmy Kimmel Show) have had countless hours upon days upon years of fun at Emmitt's factual and grammatically gaffes.

Such tidbits of wonderfulness:

  • "Eli Manning has been given the rice of passage."
  • "The way you perform make them feel about you different."
  • "He was coming through line to make a move and got blind sided by Al Wi... Al Wi... Al Jackson." (Note: the player in question was actually Al Harris)
  • "They can ride Adrian Peterson into the doggone playoff!"
  • "This kind of inconsistency play going up against a team like New England will get you completely blowed out."
  • "The strengths of the Patriots team got debacled!"
  • "I love those style of play that the Titans bring to the game."

How dare ESPN let Emmitt go? The nerve of those proper, grammar-loving bastards! They let perhaps the unintentionally funniest commentator in the history of sport go, simply because he doesn't use proper sentence structure or actual NFL knowledge or real words?

That is cold, ESPN.

We all should have seen this coming, as Emmitt was booted off of NFL Sunday Countdown this season in favor of being simply on Monday Night coverage, but the shock is still there.

Between the end of the George W. Bush era and the fact that Emmitt is done on ESPN, knowing that there is nobody left on TV to make me feel better about my own butchering of the English language will be a tough pill to swallow. I know many others are on my proverbial boat.

But don't worry Emmitt, I got your back. I understand the genius behind the awkwardly Northern-sounding Southern accent and I appreciate your two years of service in front of the camera.

And I will be sitting here, waiting for your triumphant return to television, waiting for you to grace us all with your—well, whatever it is you brought.

Here's to you, Emmitt.

(And now, for Emmitt Smith's response to the news)

I find it very disappointing that ESPN have decided not to continuate my ten year with them. I brought all of my thinking and my smart to the commentator booth, but ES....EP....ESN....EPSN feel that my analysts was not on the level of other effective communicator such as Chad Berman, Steve Young, Channing Sharp, or Wilson Churchill.

I just want to make it clear that I don't hold a grunge against Roger Goodell or any of the other owners of ESPN and that my time spent bringing my deaf of NFC knowledge to TNT were some of the best decade of my life.

I will use this time off to deflect on my life and attempt to make a comeback to the NHL. I haven't played or working out in quite some many years, but I feel like my vision, my brawn, and my strong are all in such position that I can win two or three MVP awards every season that I comes back to the NAACP.

However, my love for analysting will never went away and I will be sure to come back to the televisions and educationalize the public at large on new ounces of the NAFTA. I would like to thank my multitude fans for their support of me, Emmitt Smith, during these difficult time, but I tell them not to fret. I will be back on the doggone ESPNAACP in none time and will be better than forevers.

Thank you.

 

(Note: The arthur of these article feel it necessary to thank several websites for vastening his knowledge of me, Emmitt Smith. These sites include, but aren't limiting, kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com, walterfootball.com, deadspin.com, and the youtube.coms due to their plentiful videos dedicating my speaking.)

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