Readers who do not live in the Brownite Republic of Bankrupt Britain may be unfamiliar with the term "tottie", but I am here to inform. The photos on this page are of tottie, and as such have a serious illustrative purpose in this article. Never let it be said that I have used girlie pictures to titillate.

Tottie is a successor word to "crumpet" and "birds", prime examples are described as "top-tottie." There is an alternative spelling, totty, that the BRBB tabloids tend to use. Our mutual friend Mr Google will show you numerous examples of usage.

So much for semantics, now for the thrust of this article, in which I shall convey my view that F1 is somewhat lacking in glamour, and that far from dumping the pit lane babes, it needs to close the tottie gap. I was stimulated to this endeavor by reading my friend Saraswitha Sirginia's piece in which she makes her case against the use of tottie in sport.

tottie2Some sports are rich in tottie.

Tennis is tottie-friendly, very much so, see my title photo of Maria Sharipova and the one at left of Alyona Bondarenko. Tottie-intensive would be a fair way to describe the sport, because the players themselves in the ladies' game are scantily clad young women who prance about and assume provocative postures.

Beach Volleyball, I am convinced, was invented as a tottie show.

Other sports which do not have glamour on the pitch, court, or field tend to introduce that element as a sideshow. Examples are the cheerleaders who feature in American ball sports, or F1's pit-lane babes.

According to the killjoy politically-correct brigade, women in such roles are being "objectified." And what does that recently invented word mean? One web definition has: The positioning of others as objects for the benefit of the Self.'

So it means normal human relationships.

Society is a large group of people, each of whom functions in some way as an object for the benefit of others. Provided a person does not perform a function involuntarily, that is not only acceptable, it is the only way the world can work.

The word '\"exploitation" creeps into this debate like a rat through a broken wall.

Let us consider a girl who becomes a cheerleader for her local football team. Will she feel excited and proud? I think so, and I will ask you if she is being exploited, or if she is exploiting an opportunity. Maybe both are true, and typify the deals we make in life.

tottie3Maybe a model looking for that big break gets a job on the F1 pit-lane. Obviously the organizers are paying her to bring an element of glamour, and she is getting a little money and a lot of media exposure in return.

Where is there a victim?

Without the pit-lane babes, F1 would be a world of leathery faces and fire-proof overalls. The girls are just a little tinsel on the tree, no more than that.

We need to be very clear that tottie in sport is not pornography. It is not plausible that anyone watches any sport for a glimpse of tottie, for they could find porno images on the internet that would make a gynecologist blush. Or so I have heard, of course I have no direct experience.

I just wonder what provokes the paroxisms of rage from those who object to a little glamour in sport. Is it some embittered form of jealousy that leads them to demanding a world of grim-faced androgynous drones?

Kimi Raikkonen is young, handsome, and rich, so he beats me three-nil. But am I jealous? Well yes, of course I am, but not to the extent of requiring him to wear an iron mask and give all his money away.

My closing argument is that tottie as a peripheral to sport is a pleasant and harmless thing.

It is a flash of color, it is fun, it is the smile of a girl who feels good because she's looking good. It is one small part of the joy of life, and we need all the joy we can get.

You know it makes sense.