Chris Cooley thinks he’s better than Jason Witten.
"[When] asked by a member of the wildly enthusiastic senior class (one of whom will win a $25,000 scholarship thanks to the Redskins' standout) if he was better than Dallas’ Jason Witten...Cooley hesitated, smiled, and said, 'I think I’m better. ... He doesn’t run after the catch very well.'"
At first, this statement seems retarded. But Cooley may actually have a point. Witten gets all the attention because he’s in Dallas, but their numbers are very similar.
Both TEs are 26. Witten had 950 yards and four TDs last year. Cooley had 850 yards and one TD. But TDs are arbitrary. Just like good looks. It’s completely random that I’m this good-looking. It could’ve been anyone. TDs are sorta the same.
And don’t forget Witten has a quarterback who can actually throw the ball. And Witten has all kinds of sexual chemistry with this quarterback who can actually throw the ball. And Cooley takes pics of his tip—that has to count for something.
Witten is gonna go high next year, and Cooley is gonna slip. Give me Christopher; he won’t disappoint.
Original image via DB King