WWE News: Notes and Analysis for Monday Night Raw, July 16th Edition
Hey, champions of my world.
Here's what I made of tonight's edition of Monday Night Raw:
-CM Punk comes out in arguably his ugliest active in-ring tights, the yellow mustard special. I'm surprised he didn't retire them after having to lie down for Triple H last fall.
-As if one comment on Punk's tights wasn't curious enough: Has anyone else noticed that Punk is now wearing his Chicago-themed red, white and blue attire for every PPV? He's gone three in a row.
-Punk is pretty much dead-on in his description of the Big Show. Dude's so stale. His lame toque does not help. Don't dress up a giant like he's a fifth-grader (even if he's already proven that he's not as smart as one).
-Thank God Punk vs. Big Show is happening tonight and not on a PPV. Hate to see Punk rewarded for constantly providing the match of the night by having to dig something decent out of the big fat dud.
-Kofi/R-Truth vs. The Impact Players happens on free television instead of at last night's Money in the Bank. WWE logic prevails!
-I'm getting a perverse kick out of watching Titus and Young lose on a regular basis. I don't think they're especially good wrestlers, and yet I'm pleased they're an excuse for WWE Creative to showcase the tag division.
-Impact Players should have told Kofi they were calling the color purple for the night.
-AJ Lee and Daniel Bryan kinda, sorta tease getting back together backstage. I wonder if they'll continue to work together in one way or another now that Punk's presumably moving on to face John Cena.
-Zack Ryder beat the likes of Cena, Punk, Show and Kane in a battle royal a couple weeks ago, and now he's tapping to the massively overrated Alberto Del Rio in approximately one minute. Baffling.
-Rey Mysterio is back, and apparently feuding with Del Rio again. Such incentive to keep watching, am I right?
-The 619 is still a sucky wrestling move.
-Heath Slater's favorite Raw "moment" apparently spans five or six weeks of recent underwhelming WWE programming.
-Rikishi is back for the night. Cue the Stinkface.
-I take it back: The 619 is an excellent wrestling move.
-Despite always being known as a fat guy, Rikishi is no longer willing to wrestle with his shirt off.
-We get some Stink and a Banzai Drop, and Rikishi wins. If only they'd let his sons score a pin-fall. Instead, they get to dance like buffoons with Big Poppa Thong. Tremendous.
-I like Eve. She's got spunk, and perhaps the best blend of in-ring and verbal skills in the Diva's division.
-Miz is Eve's tag partner. That's actually kind of perfect. Both play ego-maniacal with expertise.
-Daniel Bryan is mega over with the crowd, as always. He's not wrestling Punk tonight, which means there won't be any audible "NOs" coming from the crowd.
-AJ's entrance music would be annoying if it belonged to anyone else. For her, it's appropriately disorienting and kooked-out.
-I like that Miz finally has a haircut becoming of an adult.
-It's a real feat that AJ has become such a hot topic in WWE despite her tiny stature, lack of implants and all-around unconventional look. The icing is that she can wrestle.
-Bryan helps AJ win the match. I'm interested to learn what the selfish heel Bryan is hoping to get out of kissing up to his ex-flame.
-Daniel Bryan loves AJ. As does any wrestling fan hoping for original WWE booking.
-Bryan puts a ring on AJ's finger, but what I really notice is that AJ wears a lot of bracelets.
-AJ says yes to Bryan's proposal. Then everyone in the arena says, "YES! YES! YES!" I love this pairing.
-The look on John Cena's face when he secured the Money in the Bank briefcase encapsulates why people despise John Cena. What an overacting dummy-face. He's a kid on Christmas morning...just at the top of a ladder rather than the bottom of a tree.
-There's a DVD on Undertaker's WrestleMania streak. Could be a sign that WWE's going to pull the trigger and have Cena end the streak at WM29. Seems like a waste not to let the Deadman make it to WM30, though. Feed him Lesnar in 2013, and let Punk do the honors in 2014. Just one man's opinion. Cena doesn't need the rub.
-I don't know about you, but kicking off the 1,000th Raw with DX doesn't seem particularly special. Fitting perhaps, but not special. It hasn't been that long since we've seen Michaels or Hunter. Brace yourselves for the worst attempt at bit comedy since, uh...the last DX reunion.
-The Rock once tossed Steve Austin and his Smoking Skull belt off a bridge. Anyone else think it was slightly derivative (although more believable) than Hogan chuckin' the Giant off Cobo Hall at Halloween Havoc 1995?
-Jack Swagger's coming out. Jerry and Cole sell his losing streak.
-It gets worse: He's getting killed by Ryback tonight. Blargh. My favorite part of this match will be the inevitable "GOLDBERG" chants.
-I take that back. I appreciate that Ryback at least has to sell his opponent's offense for the first minute or so of his matches now.
-Weak chain of powerbombs from Ryslack.
-I guess I should be grateful that Swagger didn't technically do the job tonight. I still don't get why he's not the U.S. Champion.
-The only thing more obnoxious that WWE's Twitter pushing? WWE's Tout pushing.
-There's something about Ziggler very recently challenging Sheamus for the World Championship that takes the juice out of his Money in the Bank win. I think he would have been better off winning a crack at the WWE Championship. That would have freed up the World title contract for the very deserving Cody Rhodes.
-Jericho interrupts Ziggler. Interesting.
-Ziggler's mini-ponytail trumps Jericho's "I'm out of here soon" shaggy 'do.
-The Showoff raises a valid point about Jericho never winning.
-Glad to see Ziggler get a chance to prove he's got the communicative skills to back up his undeniable wrestling awesomeness.
-I feel like Curt Hennig is in Heaven pulling for Dolph Ziggler. Throwback excellence written all over Dolph.
-Jericho responds to Ziggler's barrage of insults with the Codebreaker. I smell a SummerSlam match of the night contender. The neat part: Jericho looks to be the babyface.
-A lot of hair loss commercials tonight. Surprisingly, Vince McMahon can express gratitude.
-Brodus Clay and his needlessly long entrance are next. Drew McIntyre summarized my feelings on Brodus' shtick last week when he told the camera it was the same old routine.
-Apparently, there was a WWE.com poll to determine whether the Intercontinental, United States or Diva's Championships would be defended next week. In a no-brainer, Christian gets the nod. It's a three-hour show—isn't there sufficient time for Santino to lose his belt? I hope so. So does Jack Swagger.
-We have another commercial break. What a cliffhanger: Who jobs to Brodus clay this week?
-Apparently, it's avocado season at Subway. I can only imagine the texture of that green poison.
-Daniel Bryan and AJ are getting married next week on Raw. Christian resurrects the Peep Show to host the bride and groom this week on SmackDown. Odd but potentially cool.
-Switching to conventional wrestling trunks doesn't prevent JTG from falling victim to Brodus Clay's second unwarranted and unwanted winning streak.
-Clay dances with children who would much rather hang out with John Cena. Superb television.
-According to Donald Trump, the greatest thing to ever happen on Raw was Vince McMahon wearing a hat. OK, Donny.
-A 1,000th Raw advertisement airs. It ends with Triple H telling his father-in-law that Khali is going to check his prostate. No joke.
-Big Show's latest "Giant" push is only worthwhile if Punk gets to sky rocket his cred with a clean victory over the sweat monster sometime soon.
-Big Show vs. CM Punk is just three minutes deep, and already this match is much better than Show vs. Cena at No Way Out.
-I never get tired of Punk's knee to the face in the corner. So brutal looking. He hits three on Big Show, to great dramatic effect.
-Big Show vs. Punk ends indecisively, as expected.
-John Cena enters. He takes the high moral ground regarding Money in the Bank privileges, as expected.
-John Cena vs. CM Punk for the WWE Championship next week. I don't quite know what to expect.
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