Comparing Every NFL Team to a Pop Song

Hue StoneContributor IJuly 15, 2012

Comparing Every NFL Team to a Pop Song

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    Sometimes, an NFL franchise can be summed up in a few words.  These words may have something to do with the present state of the organization, or maybe they have to do with something in the organization's past that it's famous for.  

    Sometimes those words just happen to be titles of songs that we all know and love.  Let's take a look at the songs that define each NFL team.  

Buffalo Bills: 'The Edge of Glory' by Lady Gaga

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    The Bills truly were on the edge of glory in the early '90s.  They lost four straight Super Bowls from 1991-1994, including a heartbreaking, one-point loss in Super Bowl XXV.

    The franchise still doesn't have a Super Bowl to its name, and until it wins one, Buffalo will always be remembered for its Super Bowl failures.  

Miami Dolphins: 'Perfect' by Pink

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    In 1972, the Miami Dolphins became the first team to win the Super Bowl as an undefeated team.  Forty years later and the '72 Dolphins still remain the only team to accomplish this feat.

    Yes, they have struggled lately, but until another franchise succeeds in the quest for an undefeated season, the Miami Dolphins will remain the epitome of perfection in the NFL. 

New York Jets: 'Blah Blah Blah' by Ke$ha

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    From Rex Ryan guaranteeing a Super Bowl every year, to Tebow talking about excited he is to be a Jet, it seems like all the Jets do nowadays is talk.  Until we see some results on the field, everything they say is just blah blah blah to all listeners.  

New England Patriots: 'More' by Usher

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    New England fans, what more do you want from your Patriots?  Over the past 11 seasons, they have gone 134-42 in the regular season and have nine playoff berths.  They have also been to five Super Bowls and have won three.

    But no team is ever content with what they have done.  They always want more. 

Cincinnati Bengals: 'Is Anybody out There' by K'NAAN Ft. Nelly Furtado

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    Have you ever seen the stands in a Bengals game?  It's pitiful.  It seems like there are more empty seats than filled ones, leaving the players to think, "Is anybody out there?"

Cleveland Browns: 'Misery' by Maroon 5

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    Cleveland Brown fans must be miserable.  The franchise hasn't been to the playoffs since 2002, and they have gone 18-46 over the past four seasons.

    Even with the recent drafting of Trent Richardson and Brandon Weeden, it seems like a playoff berth is far away for the Browns.

Baltimore Ravens: 'Mean' by Taylor Swift

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    The Ravens are mean, and unless you are a Ravens fan, you hate the Ravens.    

    Most of this has to do with their exceptional defense.  Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and Terrell Suggs have been pushing around quarterbacks and giving headaches to offensive coordinators for years now, causing fans everywhere to detest the Ravens.  

    Why you gotta be so mean, Baltimore?

Pittsburgh Steelers: 'Black and Yellow' by Wiz Kalifa

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    Is there a more perfect song?

Indianapolis Colts: 'Irreplaceable' by Beyonce

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    The Colts found out the hard way last year that Peyton Manning is irreplaceable.  A 10-6 season the year before, the Colts finished last year with a record of 2-14, tied for the worst in the league.

    A lot of people think the Colts' new quarterback, Andrew Luck, is the next Peyton Manning.  Others, like me, believe that Luck will be solid but will never be able to replace the great Peyton Manning.

Jacksonville Jaguars: 'Impossible' by Shontelle

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    If someone were to come up to you and say that the Jaguars are going to win the Super Bowl this year, your response would probably be, "Impossible."

    It's hard to imagine this team making it to the playoffs anytime soon, let alone the Super Bowl.

Houston Texans: 'Look at Me Now' by Chris Brown Ft. Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes

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    As a Texans fan, I'll be the first to admit that we are among the whiniest fans in the NFL.

    For years, the Texans were simply recognized as the expansion team.  However, the recent success of the team has its fans screaming for everyone to look at them and give them more airtime on SportsCenter.  

    Unfortunately, until Houston makes a deep playoff run, nobody is going to really care about this team.  It's just hard to convince Houston's fans of this.  

Tennessee Titans: 'What Hurts the Most' by Rascal Flatts

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    What hurts the most for the Titans is that they were so close.

    On the last play of Super Bowl XXXIV, the Titans trailed the Rams by a touchdown and fell one yard short of the goal line when Mike Jones tackled Kevin Dyson.  The Titans haven't reached the Super Bowl since, and it appears that their next one is not in the near future.

    And yes, this isn't really a pop song, but the Titans call Nashville their home, a city where country music is also pop music.

Denver Broncos: 'Only Exception' by Paramore

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    Even though Tim Tebow led the Broncos to the playoffs, they still got rid of him.  Even though Tim Tebow led the Broncos to an AFC West title, they still got rid of him.  Even though Tim Tebow led the Broncos to a win in one of the most dramatic playoff games in NFL history, they still got rid of him.

    Why?  Peyton Manning.  

    No matter how much success Tebow has, Manning is an exception, and if a team can get its hands on him, then it will do whatever it must do to snatch him up.   

San Diego Chargers: 'Too Close' by Alex Clare

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    Every year, it seems that the Chargers are one of the most talented teams in the league.  And every year, the Chargers seem to greatly underachieve.  

    They do this by keeping bad teams in games early in the season.  Take last year's MNF game against the Kansas City Chiefs.  The Chargers were clearly better than the Chiefs, but they kept them too close for comfort.  The Chiefs ended up winning the game in overtime, and the loss cost the Chargers a playoff spot.

    A side note:  If you've never checked out this song, please do.  It is easily one of the best songs of 2012.

Kansas City Chiefs: 'Man Down' by Rihanna

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    Following a promising 2010 season, the Chiefs entered 2011 with high hopes.  Unfortunately, injuries plagued the Chiefs early in the season.  They lost three of their best players in Eric Berry, Tony Moeaki, and Jamaal Charles in just their first two games.

     It seemed that every time you turned on a Chiefs game, they had another man down.  

Oakland Raiders: 'Back in Time' by Pitbull

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    The Raiders are solid a franchise with three Super Bowls.  But they haven't won one since 1983 and haven't been to the playoffs since 2002.  They probably wish that they could go back in time to the glory days.

Dallas Cowboys: 'Headlines' by Drake

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    The Cowboys are America's team.  

    Whether they win the Super Bowl or miss the playoffs, they will always be the first team that SportsCenter talks about and will always be the headline in the sports section of your local newspaper.  Maybe that's a slight exaggeration.  Maybe not.  

Philadelphia Eagles: 'Dog Days Are Over' by Florence + the Machine

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    It's always refreshing when someone commits a crime, serves his time and exits prison a changed person. This doesn't happen too often, but it did with Michael Vick.  

    It seems that his dogfighting days are over.  People are starting to forgive him for his mistakes as he continues his career in Philadelphia.  

New York Giants: 'Call Me Maybe' by Carly Rae Jepsen

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    The keyword in this song is "maybe." 

    Maybe the Giants will go 12-4 and repeat as Super Bowl champs.  Maybe they'll go 6-10 and miss the playoffs.  This team is so unpredictable year in and year out that your guess is as good as mine. 

Washington Redskins: 'Kryptonite' by 3 Doors Down

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    Robert Griffin III is one of the most dynamic and promising rookies in the NFL this season.  But if there is any team that can inhibit Griffin's growth, it's the Redskins.  

    Griffin and his Superman socks can lead the Redskins to the playoffs, but don't be surprised if this team ends up being the rookie's Kryptonite.

Chicago Bears: 'Without You' by David Guetta Ft. Usher

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    The Bears started the 2011 season with a 7-3 record and looked like a lock for the playoffs when quarterback Jay Cutler broke his thumb and missed the rest of the season.  Chicago went on to lose five of its last six games and ultimately missed the playoffs.  

    Say all the bad things you want about Cutler, but the Bears found out the hard way last year that they can't win many games without him.

Green Bay Packers: 'All I Do Is Win' by DJ Khaled

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    Last season, it seems like all the Packers did was win, going 15-1 in the regular season.  However, their winning came to an abrupt stop in the playoffs when the Giants defeated them in convincing fashion. 

    Can someone explain this team to me? In 2010, they squeak into the playoffs with a 10-6 record and won the Super Bowl.  In 2011, they rolled into the playoffs and lost their first game. It doesn't make sense. 

Detroit Lions: 'Sexy and I Know It' by LMFAO

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    Last year, the Lions were a sexy pick by many to be among the 12 teams to earn a playoff berth despite the franchise's playoff drought.  Detroit knew this.  Even though the Lions hadn't been to the playoffs since 1999, they embraced this new pressure and earned a spot in the playoffs.

    Also, Matthew Stafford is a pretty good-looking guy.  I think he knows it.   

Minnesota Vikings: 'I Need a Doctor' by Dr. Dre Ft. Eminem and Skylar Grey

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    The Vikings have one of the best players in the country, but injuries plagued Adrian Peterson last season, causing Minnesota to go 3-13.  

    If Adrian Peterson is healthy the whole season, the Vikings could end the season at 8-8, a significant jump from last year.  Hopefully he won't need a doctor this year. 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: 'We Are Young' by Fun

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    The Buccaneers are one of the youngest teams in the league, and their inexperience was evident last year.  

    After a solid 10-6 season in 2010, the Bucs regressed in 2011, going 4-12 and losing their final 10 games.

Atlanta Falcons: 'Hot N Cold' by Katy Perry

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    It's ironic that Matt Ryan's nickname is "Matty Ice" because for the past two seasons the Falcons have been red hot in the regular season, going 13-3 in 2010 and 10-6 in 2011.

    But during the playoffs, the Falcons have been ice cold.  In 2010, they lost their initial playoff game to the Packers 48-21.  Then, in 2011, they fell to the Giants 24-2.  It's got to be frustrating for Matty Ice, who has yet to win his first playoff game in his young career.     

Carolina Panthers: 'LOL Smiley Face' by Trey Songz Ft. Gucci Mane & Soulja Boy

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    Is it just me, or does Cam Newton always seem to be smiling?  And why not?  This kid has a bright future.  

    If you're a Panthers fan, you should be smiling too.

New Orleans Saints: 'Low' by Flo Rida

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    You already know about the bounty scandal and how degrading it is to the franchise.  What the Saints did was downright low.

San Francisco 49ers: 'Save Me, San Francisco' by Train

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    At the end of the 2010 season, the NFC West's credibility was at an all-time low.  A 7-9 Seahawks team won the division and earned a playoff berth.  The division needed a savior to help rid its title of the worst division in football.

    The 49ers did that the following season, posting a record of 13-3 and making it to the NFC Championship.  The addition of Jim Harbaugh gave new life to this team and helped save the division from being known as the NFL's worst division, a title which now arguably belongs to the AFC South.   

Arizona Cardinals: 'One Time' by Justin Bieber

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    The Cardinals have only been to the Super Bowl one time, and now that Kurt Warner is gone, it doesn't look like that is going to change any time soon.

    If not for a ridiculous Santonio Holmes catch, this team would have been world champions.  But alas, it wasn't meant to be.   

St. Louis Rams: 'S.O.S.' by the Jonas Brothers

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    This was a solid franchise in the late '90s and early 2000s, but lately the Rams have struggled greatly, going 15-65 over the last five seasons. 

    Does anyone know what to do with this team? I'd say that this would be the ideal time to be shouting, "S.O.S."

Seattle Seahawks: 'House Party' by 3OH!3

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    The Seahawks may not be the best team in the NFL, but their fans are definitely among the loudest in the country.  

    For at least eight weeks of the year, a deafening house party ensues at Qwest Field that makes winning extremely difficult for visiting teams.  Just ask the 2010 Saints.