WWE Money in the Bank 2012: Best and Worst Scenario for Each Champion in the WWE
WWE Money in the Bank is a PPV that signifies change if nothing else. Whoever wins the MitB ladder matches in Phoenix will almost be guaranteed titles and solid runs within the next year (unless your name is Swagger or Kennedy).
So I'm going to take this opportunity to analyze what are the best- and worst-case scenarios for each champion in the WWE today.
WWE Divas Champion: Layla
Layla will never defend the title again, and hopefully everyone will forget about the awful idea to replace the women's championship with the divas championship.
Yeah, remember when the women's championship meant female wrestlers? At least they had the respect to stop implying these divas can wrestle.
Layla feuds with every single diva on the roster twice within the next six weeks, eventually losing the title in an anticlimactic bout with Maxine, who makes her much-anticipated (according to Michael Cole) return.
WWE Tag-Team Champions: Kofi Kingston and R-Truth
During a tag title defense against Hornswoggle and the Great Khali, Truth and Kofi cheat to win by bashing Hornswoggle's head in with a lead pipe.
This effectively turns them heel and, for once, they get some reaction from the crowd. This leads to Truth's going increasingly insane as he is overheard insisting to Little Jimmy that he won't set WWE headquarters on fire.
Kofi and Truth name themselves "The Relevants," coming under the impression that being the WWE tag-team champions means something.
During this time they feud with A-Ry and JTG, Micheal McGillicutty and Mason Ryan, and Johnny Curtis and Trent Barreta.
While this is happening, the Prime Time Players are still awaiting their title match as No. 1 contenders.
WWE United States Champion: Santino Marella
Santino Marella wins the MitB briefcase Sunday but then must choose either to keep the U.S. title or chase the world heavyweight title. Santino, thinking that the contract in the briefcase also allows him to make the WHC match a whoever-is-the-bigger-joke-wins match, drops the U.S. title.
Then Santino runs into WrestleMania and attempts to cash in the briefcase, thus trolling the biggest event of the year. However, he still manages to lose to then-champ Randy Orton.
To keep track, Santino has nothing.
After he becomes the longest-reigning champion in the belt's history, the WWE decides to rename the former United States championship the Santino Marella championship.
Intercontinental Champion: Christian
During MitB none of the other superstars want to be the one who attacks Christian, whom they have affectionately named the "old guy" of the match. They call him this even though Tensai is older than Christian.
Either way, Christian wins the briefcase. Christian obviously turns heel, cashes in the briefcase and becomes the new world heavyweight champion.
He holds that belt until WrestleMania, where he retains the belt despite severely injuring himself, and announces his retirement the following SmackDown.
He never makes the Hall of Fame like Edge because there is no way Vince is letting a "backstabber into his Hall of Fame."
Christian starts a feud with Santino and we are forced to watch a truly good wrestler job to Santino until WrestleMania, where they have a match to merge both the United States and intercontinental titles into the newly minted WWE Mediocre Championship.
World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus
Sheamus becomes Triple H's workout buddy...
Sheamus retains the WHC at MitB. However, when he is celebrating, he drinks a little too much of whiskey, at which point he decides he needs a tan. The following SmackDown taping sees Sheamus coming out looking like Jersey Shore.
His nickname then changes to the Great Orange.
It doesn't matter. He is Triple H's workout buddy.
WWE Champion: CM Punk
CM Punk strolls his way up to Bruno Sammartino's longest reign in history. After seve years of winning, Triple H, now 48 years old, decides that he needs to pass Ric Flair for most title reigns.
HHH then books himself to win the WWE title at WrestleMania 30-something. Punk, not having it, leaves with the belt and actually goes back to Ring of Honor.
Punk and Colt Cabana then have an epic best-of-three series for the WWE belt.
CM Punk drops the WWE title to...AJ.
Since AJ is the most over wrestler on the roster, Vince uses this opportunity to discretely future endeavor Punk.
CM Punk then goes to TNA under the name Phillip Punk, because TNA creative team is genius (see Christian Cage).
Phillip Punk then becomes like every other former WWE star in TNA: He will have one useless title reign, and that's it.
Punk and Samoa Joe quit TNA and start a restaurant in Chicago together.
The End of the Shenanigans
There you have it! The best- and worst-case scenarios for every champion in the WWE.
Do you think I've hit my head a few too many times?
Did you hit your head a few times and like it?
Either way leave a positive or a negative comment below.
Thanks for reading!
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