The 2012 Green Bay Packers as Star Wars Characters

Trent Stutzman@@trentstutzmanContributor IIIJuly 10, 2012

The 2012 Green Bay Packers as Star Wars Characters

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    A long time ago, in an editorial room far, far away…The Green Bay Packers were born!

    And nearly 93 years later, the storied franchise is still arguably the best run team in the game. Because it’s the offseason, because Star Wars is awesome and because I have to compare something in sports to something in pop culture to complete my B/R training, here is how I see the 2012 Green Bay Packers as Star Wars characters.

    (Actually, there are a few others in here that aren’t technically part of the 2012 Packers, but they’re fitting nonetheless.)

Yoda: Ted Thompson

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    Ted is the all-wise know-it-all of this football team. Sometimes his methods don’t sit well with fans, and it gets easy to lose your patience with him, but in the end you look back and say, “Wow. Why did I ever doubt him?”

    He knows what he’s doing, and he always wins in the end.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Donald Driver

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    Donald Driver has been around the Packers forever. He wasn’t supposed to be one of the great ones, but he stuck around through the good times and the bad, and in the end will be seen as one of the best to ever wear a Packers uniform.

    Likewise, Obi-Wan has always been with the ‘good guys’, and was overshadowed first by his master, Qui-Gon Jinn, then by his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker. He stuck through it when the Jedi became nearly extinct, and became an all-time great Jedi who died so Luke Skywalker could get away safely.

    Am I crazy to think Driver would also sacrifice himself for the good of the team?

Darth Vader: Brett Favre

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    Settle down, I’m not calling Favre evil. Hear me out.

    He begins his career by proving to be one of the most natural talents the game had ever seen. He thrives off of this until the sickness of indecision has him forced out of Green Bay.

    He then becomes a ‘traitor’ by going to the enemy Vikings, where he becomes the most powerful quarterback in the land. He then starts to lose it.

    This next part hasn’t happened yet but I know it will: Favre and the Packers reconcile their differences, put the past behind and make up before it’s too late. Sure, fans will remember those dark days of his, but ultimately, he will go down in the history books for his good.

    I guess that's a big difference between the two. Oh well.

Luke Skywalker: Aaron Rodgers

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    This one seems pretty obvious. He’s the young, new sheriff in town and the natural successor to the most powerful of all time. He started his career later, but he didn’t waste time showing his talent once he got started. He’s still in his prime, and we’re not quite sure whether he’ll pass Darth Favre, but we wouldn’t be surprised either way.

R2-D2: The Entire Offensive Line

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    They don’t say much and get less credit than is deserved, but they’ve got a little spunk. They’re smart and stable, but most importantly, they protect Aaron Skywalker when he’s out battling through the air.

C-3PO: A.J. Hawk

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    Hawk is also very smart. Supposedly he’s like a Peyton Manning of the defense. He relays in the plays, he can read offenses very well, and he calls all the audibles when necessary. But let’s be honest, he can’t really do that much in action.

Han Solo: Charles Woodson

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    This fits his style of play more than anything else. Woodson is a loner out there on defense, pretty much doing whatever he wants. If he wants to blitz, he’ll blitz. If he wants to stuff the running back at the line of scrimmage, that running back won’t gain any yards. You want a pick returned for a touchdown? He’ll do it.

    Plus, I’m sure he gets all the ladies.

Chewbacca: Clay Matthews

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    Matthews is the enforcer for Han Woodson so that he can get away with everything he does. He’s also huge, he’s got a lot of hair and he could probably rip a human being apart with his bare hands.

    He also screams in triumph whenever he makes a great play.

Admiral Ackbar: Mike McCarthy

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    Like Ackbar does for the Rebel Force, McCarthy does all the planning for Green Bay and makes sure all the plans all followed through properly. And if you listen closely, every now and then you can hear McCarthy yelling from the sidelines, “It’s a trap!”

Princess Leia: Charles Woodson

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    I know, Woodson has already been used, but he fits the best for both parts. In this case, he was originally held prisoner by the evil Oakland Raiders. The Packers rescued him, however, and he now thrives in Green Bay as one of their key components.

The Ewoks: Randall Cobb

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    He’s small and might not look threatening, but watch out. Your turn your back on him, and he’ll make you pay.

Jabba the Hutt: B.J. Raji

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    Not much to say here. The dude takes up a lot of space.

The Emperor: George Halas, Stormtroopers: The Chicago Bears

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    Well, somebody’s got to be the Dark Side. Halas is responsible for that evil in Chicago. That would make the Storm Troopers his Chicago Bears.