Welcome back to the Bluths Explain Football, an ongoing series in which the cast of Arrested Development gives you insight into the AFC South.
Today's episode is "Marta Complex." Let's see what it can teach us about the Jacksonville Jaguars.
Michael throws an anniversary/valentines day party and makes a speech. It causes several members of the family to make disastrous life choices. Lindsay and Tobias separate, Buster moves out of his mom's house and Marta decides she is in love with Michael.
Gob suspects Marta is in love with someone named "Hermano." After some investigative work, Michael realizes that he is the "Hermano."
Meanwhile, Tobias gets an acting gig, but finds the nudity unsettling.
"You've only had sex four times!"
"Not four times. Four women!
-Gob and Michael
Since the year 2000, the Jaguars have only finished .500 or better three times, and they've only made the playoffs twice. After so much early success (four playoff trips in their first five years in the league), it's hard to watch a dedicated fanbase suffer.
You get the feeling that Jaguars fans are tired of the excuses. They've been patient and supportive, and it's time for the team to reward their loyalty with wins.
There's still plenty of meat on that bone. You take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato...Baby, you got a stew going'!
The Jaguars' pass defense will be a key to pushing the team back to the playoffs. Rashean Mathis is a veteran and long since removed from his days as a top corner. The Jaguars are hoping he still has a little left in him. They are tossing him in the pot with Aaron Ross, Derek Cox and others, hoping that they can get a good stew goin'.
I think I'd like my money back.
As the Jaguars enter into contract negotiations with Justin Blackmon, it will be fascinating to see if they try and withhold money because of his arrest for DUI. Frankly, the smartest move would be to just sign him and move on from the incident as quickly as possible.
Who am I to judge? On the other hand, I am anyway so...
The huge dust-up between Mike Lombardi and Gabbert was big news, and Jags fans are right to wonder how Lombardi will respond if Gabbert comes out and has a great season.
While I don't know what he will say, I know how I'll respond. I've been as critical of Gabbert as anyone. First, I'll break down how and why he improved. Then, if I'm convinced the improvement is real, I'll write a story about how and why I was wrong.
It won't be the first time I was wrong about a player. Media members have a responsibility to make the best analysis they can at the time, then own up to it when they are wrong.
If Gabbert turns the corner, I'll be the first in line to admit it.
I think the world is about to fall in love with Frightened Inmate Number Two.
The single biggest thing Gabbert needs to do is develop pocket presence. His real statistical weakness was his ridiculous sack rate. Sack rate is far more heavily controlled by the quarterback than the offensive line. That may be a surprise to some fans, but it's absolutely beyond dispute.
If Gabbert can avoid the kind of terror in the pocket he showed last year, he has a chance to make real progress. It's going to take more than a pair of cut-off shorts to make him feel comfortable, however. The coaching staff will be spending all their time helping him learn his reads and improve his footwork, so he doesn't implode when the rush comes.
The Jaguars are searching for answers, but sometimes they are right in front of you. There's not a lot of mystery about what needs to happen for this team to win.
There's nothing wrong with a couple of adults getting a stew on, and that's exactly what Mike Mularkey and company hope is happening in Jacksonville.
There's a lot of hope in the air, and fans are finally saying, "Maybe tonight!"