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MLB: What If Baseball Teams Were Pink Floyd Songs?

Kevin StottSenior Analyst INovember 9, 2016

MLB: What If Baseball Teams Were Pink Floyd Songs?

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    I’ve written so many stories about soccer and watched so many matches over the last several months that I am now hearing ESPN’s Ian Darke doing the play-by-play of my dreams when I sleep.

    In an effort to rid his voice from my head, I have decided to have a little fun and combine two of the big loves in my life—baseball and Pink Floyd—into one ridiculous story where I try to match the reality of Major League Baseball teams with a Pink Floyd song that I think best fits each franchise.

    So here, in alphabetical order by division, are the songs I’ve come up with from the Pablo Picasso of rock and roll which best fit each club in my opinion.

AL East, Baltimore Orioles: Biding My Time

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    Song: “Biding My Time”

    Album: Relics  (1971)

    Why? After some golden years decades back with the likes of Frank Robinson, Brooks Robinson and Jim Palmer, the Baltimore Orioles have found themselves in baseball’s toughest division alongside the Yankees, Red Sox, Rays and Blue Jays.

    So after a decent start this season and some young talent like Adam Jones and Matt Wieters on their roster, the Orioles will simply have to bide their time and wait for the Yankees and much-improved Rays to fall from grace to get their shot at winning the AL East or a Wild Card spot.

    They may have to wait awhile.

AL East, Boston Red Sox: Hey You

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    Song: “Hey You”

    Album: The Wall  (1979)

    Why? After finally winning that long sought-after World Series, Boston has aged a bit and like the Orioles, suffer from being in this nasty division which still at this point in the season has all five teams above the .500 mark. Impressive.

    Honestly, I had trouble finding a perfect song for the Red Sox, but chose this because of these lyrics:

    But it was only a fantasy
    The wall was too high as you can see

    Fits on a two levels with Boston winning the division and flourishing in the AL East in the near future is fantasy and that its historic Green Monster in left field is “too high” (37 feet, two inches) as we all can see.

    Still have never seen left fielder rob a batter of a home run at Fenway Park.

AL East, New York Yankees: Money

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    Song: “Money”

    Album: The Dark Side Of The Moon  (1973)

    Why? A no-brainer. Nobody spends money like the Bronx Bombers and with the
    highest total payroll in baseball ($197,962,289) and highest average salary ($6,186,321) it’s no wonder the Yankees are always in the mix.

    With the Steinbrenner family owning the club and setting the tone with the deep pocketbook, opponents may feel it’s a bit unfair that Yankees throughout their history have acquired Babe Ruth, Reggie Jackson, Roger Clemens, Alex Rodriguez, CC Sabathia and Mark Teixeira and scores others by simply having enough money to do so.

    And it’s hard to disagree with them that the playing field never seems to be level when an MLB team like the Yankees or and English Premier League team like Chelsea FC can simply lure some of the the best talent every offseason with an abundance of cash.

AL East, Tampa Bay Rays: One of These Days

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    Song: “One Of These Days”

    Album: Meddle  (1971)

    Why? After being the laughingstock of the league for so long, the Rays finally found their groove and now expect to compete for the AL East crown and make the playoffs every year.

    The Rays made their first and only World Series in 2008 where they lost to the Phillies but proved to themselves they have the mettle to hang with the big boys.

    And one of these days, Tampa and Evan Longoria will hopefully bring that World Series trophy home to St. Petersburg.

AL East, Toronto Blue Jays: Breathe

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    Song: “Breathe”

    Album: The Dark Side Of The Moon  (1973)

    Why? It’s been a while since Toronto won its only two championships (1992, 1993) and it can’t be fun always banging heads with the Yankees, Red Sox and Rays just to try to even win your own division.

    Therefore my advice to the only Canadian baseball team in the big leagues is to simply breathe. Like, the Rays, your time will come and with MLB’s reigning home run king Jose Bautista a nice player to build around, the bluebirds at least can visualize the playoffs—something half the teams in baseball can only dream about.

    Breathe, breathe in the air
    Don't be afraid to care
    Leave but don't leave me
    Look around and chose your own ground
    For long you live and high you fly

AL Central, Cleveland Indians: Nobody Home

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    Song: “Nobody Home”

    Album: The Wall  (1979)

    Why? It’s simple, Syd. Cleveland has the lowest home attendance in MLB. With an average of 18,408 fans at Progressive Field a game at 42.4 percent capacity, nobody’s going to watch the Tribe no matter how much heart they have.

    Hard to blame this one on LeBron.

AL Central, Chicago White Sox: Time

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    Song: “Time”

    Album: The Dark Side Of The Moon  (1973)

    Why? Because the White Sox will be waiting “for someone or something” to show them the way for some time in my opinion.

    Although Paul Konerko is as solid a baseball player as there is and Adam Dunn is starting to hit some home runs on the south side of Chicago, the Pale Hose lack a fiery leader (sorry AJ Pierzynski and Kevin Youkilis) to lead them to baseball’s promised land.

    For new manager Robin Ventura and general manager Kenny Williams—who both have tremendous baseball sense—the key is to get a position player like Derek Jeter or a pitcher like Justin Verlander to set the tone and make this talented bunch of individuals gel.

    Kicking around on a piece of ground
    In your hometown
    Waiting for someone or something
    To show you the way

AL Central, Detroit Tigers: When the Tigers Broke Free

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    Song: “When The Tigers Broke Free”

    Album: The Final Cut  (1983)

    Why? Simply because it has “Tigers” in the title, Bubba. And because Detroit breaks free and wins the World Series sporadically (1935,1945,1968 and 1984) every couple decades or so.

    So they may be due to win another in the next 10 years with Justin Verlander, Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder setting the tone in Motown. Time will tell.

AL Central, Kansas City Royals: Wish You Were Here

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    Song: “Wish You Were Here”

    Album: Wish You Were Here  (1975)

    Why? Why? You’re asking why? Because the Royals are always rebuilding and never in the division race so it often seems they’re not even in the division with the Tigers, Indians, White Sox and Twins alternating on top through the last couple of decades.

    With one World Series win (1985), Kansas City can at least take solace in the fact that this year’s All-Star Game will be played at Kauffman Stadium.

    As far as making the playoffs? Maybe next year. Well, come to think of it, maybe not. And this is such a classic song with so much meaning that can be applied to not only the Royals but other MLB teams that you need to see all the lyrics...

    So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
    blue skies from pain.
    Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
    A smile from a veil?
    Do you think you can tell?
    And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
    Hot ashes for trees?
    Hot air for a cool breeze?
    Cold comfort for change?
    And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
    How I wish, how I wish you were here.
    We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
    Running over the same old ground.
    What have you found? The same old fears.
    Wish you were here.

AL Central, Minnesota Twins: Sheep

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    Song: “Sheep”

    Album: Animals  (1977)

    Why? Because the Twins have returned to the herd of American League teams like the Royals, Athletics and Mariners who look like they won’t sniff the ALCS or World Series in the next 15 years.

    Minnesota had so much promise at one point with Francisco Liriano, Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau looking like three of the best players in the bigs but now Minnesota (30-44) is simply fighting the Cubs (26-49), Padres (37-49), Rockies (28-45) and Mariners (32-45) to not end up with MLB’s worst record this season.

    Harmlessly passing your time in the grassland away
    Only dimly aware of a certain unease in the air
    You better watch out
    There may be dogs about

AL West, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: Eclipse

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    Song: “Eclipse”

    Album: The Dark Side Of The Moon  (1973)

    Why? Quite simply because the Halos, despite all the rebuilding they have done lately (Jered Weaver, Albert Pujols) and all their talented young players (Mark Trumbo, Mike Trout), seem destined to always be eclipsed by the Texas Rangers in their own division and by the Dodgers in their own city.

    But like an eclipsed sun, expect the Angels to shine on (you crazy diamond) someday and win a World Series or two.

AL West, Oakland A’s: Another Brick in the Wall (Part I)

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    Song: “Another Brick In The Wall” (Part I)

    Album: The Wall  (1979)

    Why? Like the Mariners, the Athletics seem like perennial also-rans in the division which looks like it will be a dogfight between the Rangers and Angels for years to come.

    The once scary A’s, who always seem like they may leave Oakland, have devolved to be just another brick in the wall not only in the division, but all of MLB.

    But strangely enough, they do have heart though and are never easy to beat.

    Daddy's flown across the ocean
    Leaving just a memory
    Snapshot in the family album
    Daddy what else did you leave for me?

AL West, Seattle Mariners: Comfortably Numb

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    Song:  “Comfortably Numb”

    Album: The Wall  (1979)

    Why? Without a World Series win and always looking up at the Athletics, Angels and Rangers, Seattle has become comfortably numb with its spot on or near the bottom of this division.

    And weird to have my favorite rock song ever associated with the Seattle Mariners.
     
    Hello,
    Is there anybody in there
    Just nod if you can hear me
    Is there anyone at home

AL West, Texas Rangers: The Hero’s Return

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    Song: “The Hero’s Return”

    Album:The Final Cut  (1983)

    Why? Because the Rangers have been simply magnificent since long-time hero Nolan Ryan has returned to the team as principal owner, president and CEO.

    And with the most productive offense in baseball, getting back to and winning the World Series this season is a strong possibility.

NL East, Atlanta Braves: Careful with That Axe, Eugene

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    Song: “Careful With That Axe, Eugene”

    Album: Relics  (1973)

    Why? Because Braves fans are notorious for their “Tomahawk Chop,” and Eugene’s axe reminds me of their foam tomahawks for some strange reason.
     
    And despite all their talent, Atlanta suffers from being in the same division as the Phillies, upstart Nationals, Mets and Marlins, the strongest in the National League.

    Despite that reality, I wouldn’t count the Braves out with all that talent on its roster.

NL East, Florida Marlins: Run Like Hell

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    Song: “Run Like Hell”

    Album: The Wall  (1979)

    Why? Because the team Formerly Known As The Florida Marlins leads MLB in stolen bases (66) right now and are have tried to build a team around running with Emilio Bonifacio (20 stolen bases), Jose Reyes (18) and Hanley Ramirez.

    And run like hell might also be what new skipper Ozzie Guillen will want to do away from the media, just like he did from Twitter if his Fish stay on the bottom of this division for much longer.

    Run, run, run, run
    Run, run, run, run
    Run, run, run, run
    Run, run, run, run
    Run, run, run, run
    You better run all day
    And run all night

NL East, New York Mets: Us and Them

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    Song: “Us and Them”

    Album: The Dark Side Of The Moon  (1973)

    Why? Seriously? This song fits this team better than any other on the list Abner.

    As long as the Mets have been in the Big Apple they have been overshadowed by the damn Yankees in attendance, media coverage, financially and talented players. And even when the Mets try to grab the spotlight with their first no-hitter the Bronx Bombers rain on the Metropolitans parade by cranking off a 10-game winning streak.

    Tough sledding in Queens no doubt. But Mets fans seemed used to playing second fiddle in the city so nice they named it twice. And the only way it seems to remedy this situation in the future would be to beat the Yankees in a Subway World Series.

    But even if that were to happen, you can almost hear Yankees fans then saying “We have 27 world championships. How many do you have guys?”

    Down and Out
    It can't be helped but there's a lot of it about
    With, without
    And who'll deny that's what the fighting’s all about

NL East, Philadelphia Phillies: The Thin Ice

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    Song: “The Thin Ice”

    Album: The Wall  (1979)

    Why? Because having one of the deepest and most talented rosters in baseball, the Phillies seem to be skating on thin ice now with the age, injuries and performances of stars like Cliff Lee, Roy Halladay, Chase Utley and Ryan Howard.

    Should all these guys ever return to 100 percent health and their peak baseball form, look out. And with guys like Hunter Pence and Jimmy Rollins, Philadelphia can put out one of the strongest lineups in the game when all is right.

    But things have been shaky in the City of Brotherly Love of late and no doubt fans are leery about the team getting back to the form it was at a couple years back.

    Hopefully for the Phils, the ice will thicken up and provide some smooth skating. Time will tell.

    Don't be surprised, when a crack in the ice
    Appears under your feet
    You slip out of your depth and out of your mind
    With your fear flowing out behind you
    As you claw the thin ice

NL East, Washington Nationals: Learning to Fly

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    Song: “Learning To Fly”

    Album: A Momentary Lapse Of Reason  (1987)

    Why? Because like a young eagle, leaving the nest for the first time, this Nationals team has arrived and should be a force to be reckoned with for year to come. And I said an eagle, not a pigeon.

    With Stephen Strasburg, Ryan Zimmerman, Gio Gonzalez and likely NL Rookie of the Year Bryce Harper, Washington has an incredible nucleus to build around and it’s good for baseball that a new team like the Nats are making their presence known in MLB.


NL Central, Chicago Cubs: More Blues

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    Song: “More Blues”

    Album: More  (1969)

    Why? A song only hard-core Pink Floyd fans would know off an album only hard-core Pink Floyd fans would know has the perfect title for those lovable losers the Cubbies.

    And blues works in the bad vibes level context and blue is the team’s dominant color.

    So it looks like it will now be 104 years this year since the Cubs last World Series win and the way they are playing and look, expect more blues the next decade, or two, or 10.

    At the “Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field” on Wednesday, Chicago was edged by the Mets 17-1 as four New York players had four RBI each while the Cubs had one player with one RBI.

    And fitting for the Cubs, there are no lyrics in “More Blues” as it is an instrumental song.

    Shoulda let the effing goat in the stadium, brother.

NL Central, Cincinnati Reds: Your Possible Pasts

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    Song: “Your Possible Pasts”

    Album: The Final Cut  (1983)

    Why? Because as the second-oldest Major League Baseball club to have played continuously in one city, the Reds have had many successful pasts including five World Series wins spurred by Redlegs like Pete Rose, Joe Morgan, Johnny Bench, Ken Griffey, Jr. and Eric Davis.

    The team started out as the Red Stockings in 1881 and have stayed put in the River City until this day so the “possible” and real pasts this franchise has had have made for some decent memories for the city.

    Tongue tied and terrified we learned how to pray
    Now our feelings run deep and cold as the clay
    And strung out behind us the banners and flags
    Of our possible pasts lie in tatters and rags

NL Central, Houston Astros: Interstellar Overdrive

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    Song: “Interstellar Overdrive”

    Album: The Piper at The Gates Of Dawn  (1967)

    Why? Simply because “Astros” is short for astronauts which clicks with “interstellar” and “overdrive” works for a team that has one World Series appearance, in 2005, in which the team was swept by the Chicago White Sox in one of the most forgettable October Classics in baseball history.

    Another rare instrumental tune only diehard Pink Floyd fans would know.

    And seems like the Astros are still in overdrive in one of the worst, if not the worst division in MLB. Maybe next year. Probably not.

NL Central, Milwaukee Brewers: See-Saw

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    Song: “See-Saw”

    Album: A Saucerful Of Secrets  (1968)

    Why? Because of the up-and-down, see-saw nature of the franchise.

    The Brew Crew were good with Robin Yount and Paul Molitor and then they were bad again. And recently with now-gone Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun the team made some noise again but now they seem bad again. And with no World Series titles in club history, Milwaukee fans can hardly wait for this teeter-totter to go back up one day.

NL Central, Pittsburgh Pirates: Dogs

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    Song: “Dogs”

    Album: Animals  (1977)

    Why? Because when you have had 19 straight losing seasons, you deserve to be called dogs. It’s that simple, Willie. And better than being deemed “Pigs” right? Next...

    And when you lose control, you'll reap the harvest you have sown
    And as the fear grows, the bad blood slows and turns to stone
    And it's too late to lose the weight you used to need to throw around
    So have a good drown, as you go down all alone
    Dragged down by the stone

NL Central, St. Louis Cardinals: Have a Cigar

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    Song: “Have A Cigar”

    Album: Wish You Were Here  (1975)

    Why? The World Champion Cardinals smoked their victory cigars after winning the World Series last year and with hitters like Lance Berkman, Yadier Molina and David Frees, the loss of legend Albert Pujols and manager Tony La Russa might not be the end of the world in the Gateway City.

    And the way the Redbirds are playing so far this season, another World Series appearance and win certainly isn’t out of the question.

    Everybody else is just green, have you seen the chart?
    It's a helluva start, it could be made into a monster
    If we all pull together as a team.  

NL West, Arizona Diamondbacks: Young Lust

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    Song: “Young Lust”

    Album: The Wall  (1979)

    Why? The relatively young Diamondbacks roster as well as the franchise itself along with center fielder Chris Young make this the perfect Pink Floyd song for Arizona.

    Pretty consistent over the last decade, getting to another World Series and winning it is still a long-shot right now for the Justin Upton and Snakes manager Kirk Gibson.

    Will some woman in this desert land
    Make me feel like a real man
    Take this rock and roll refugee
    Oooh babe set me free

NL West, Colorado Rockies: On the Turning Away

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    Song: “On The Turning Away”

    Album: A Momentary Lapse Of Reason  (1987)

    Why? Because it seems after years of trying to make a name for themselves and becoming a realistic contender in baseball, the Rockies have started to regress. And the way they are playing this year, currently with the third-worst record (28-45) in baseball, it looks like the baseball future won’t be so bright in the Mile High City.

    On the turning away
    From the pale and downtrodden
    And the words they say
    Which we won't understand
    "Don't accept that what's happening
    Is just a case of others' suffering
    Or you'll find that you're joining in
    The turning away"

NL West, Los Angeles Dodgers: If

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    Song: “If”

    Album: Atom Heart Mother  (1970)

    Why? If they can hold off the San Francisco Giants and if Matt Kemp can get and stay healthy and if Clayton Kershaw can return to last year’s form and if the team can score some more runs...

    You get it. A lot of ifs for this club that for awhile was the best team in MLB this season.

NL West-San Francisco Giants: Fearless

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    Song: “Fearless”

    Album: Meddle  (1971)

    Why? Because no matter how hard they have trouble scoring runs or putting together a roster as deep and talented as the rest of baseball’s elite, the Giants always find a way to hang with the big boys and make some noise.

    And this year is no exception.

    Behind ace hurlers Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain and big bat Pablo Sandoval, San Francisco finds itself in the thick of it all again. This team really has heart.

    You say the hill's too steep to climb,
    Chiding!
    You say you'd like to see me try,
    Climbing!
    You pick the place and I'll choose the time
    And I'll climb
    The hill in my own way
    just wait a while, for the right day

NL West, San Diego Padres: Is There Anybody out There?

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    Song: “Is There Anybody Out There?”

    Album: The Wall  (1979)

    Why? The Friars get this song because with no World Series trophies, no big stars now with Adrian Gonzalez now in Boston and a constant rebuilding for the future mode on the club, it’s easy to wonder if indeed anyone is out there in San Diego.

    Now I know it’s a great ballpark and a great city but with MLB’s second worst record (27-49) and the second-worst run differential (-79), seems like it will be a long time before San Diego gets back to being a competitive team.

    Is there anybody out there?
    Is there anybody out there?
    Is there anybody out there?
    Is there anybody out there?  

Conclusion

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    Well, there you have it. The best Pink Floyd songs I could come up with to match MLB’s 30 teams. If you have some suggestions of your own, please feel free to join the ridiculousness and leave them below as there is no charge for commenting here.

    And thanks to Syd Barrett, Roger Waters, David Gilmour, Richard Wright and Nick Mason for making such great music through the years. As one young lady on Twitter so eloquently put it last month, “Pink Floyd is just on another level.”

    Well put girl. I couldn’t agree more.


    Follow me on Twitter: @KevinStott11

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