Michael Phelps: Smoke In The Water

I can’t begin to explain my disappointment when I learned of the photograph showing Phelps and a bong. When I first heard that a photo had surfaced depicting an Olympic champion’s lips around a tubular object, I was crestfallen upon learning that it wasn’t Olympic softball’s fire-balling hottie Jennie Finch. That's disappointment.

Once I regained my composure and gathered the full details of the incident, I reacted as most anyone interested in this story would—I put down my own bong, lamented the fact that a photo of me and my trusty bong had never gone public, and welcomed a new-found respect for Michael Phelps. We’ve watched Phelps inhale and exhale on his way to 14 gold medals—what’s one more harmless round of respiration?

Phelps is a victim of the information age—burned by a cell phone picture taken by some sleazebag out for a quick dollar. Ten years ago, the photograph wouldn’t have even been possible.

What is this world coming to when a 14-time Olympic champion can’t attend a fraternity party at the University of South Carolina without having his bong hit photographed and dispersed worldwide? That’s an invasion of privacy, in public. It’s appalling that someone would try to tear down the accomplishments of an American icon in such a way. Selling this photo is akin to pulling for the Russians in the Olympics. It’s unpatriotic and treasonous.

There should be retribution. As they say, “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” Let’s take that one step further—a “hit” for a “hit.” I say Phelps should demand a “hit” on the snake who photographed this bong “hit.” Any red-blooded American who finds this traitor should beat him/her with a camera, phone, or bong, whichever is handy.  
 
Don’t get me wrong. Phelps wasn’t just an innocent bystander. He wasn’t practicing some newfangled “breathing technique” to strengthen his lungs—so much for the advice of Barry Bonds.

Phelps made a huge mistake by smoking from the bong in the first place, not to mention placing himself in such a vulnerable situation. Phelps wouldn’t stand in a prison shower in his starting stance in a pair of Speedos three sizes too small, would he? Then he shouldn’t take a bong hit if he even remotely suspected someone would digitally document the occasion. Chances are this wasn’t his first time partaking from a bong; I’m guessing he’s fogged his goggles before. Obviously, he has no problem taking to the “water.”

I doubt Phelps was so unfortunate to have his first and only meeting with a bong made public. Who’s to say, when he was photographed, Phelps wasn’t in the midst of the individual medley of marijuana, in which the leadoff leg is marijuana smoked in a joint, followed by a pipe? Phelps was probably caught engaged in the third leg, the bong hit, before he could move on to the anchor leg, in which marijuana is smoked through a snorkel.

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