We've finally come to the big hog-mollies of college football.
And since we're dealing with the mascots, we're going to need to find some big, strong, beefy mascots or those who excel at protection to guard our quarterback and running backs.
For our five protectors, we've selected Hairy Dawg, Testudo, the Scarlet Knight, the Army Mule and the Stanford Tree.
The Stanford Tree will anchor our offensive line from the center position. Why put a tree at the center? Have you ever run full-speed into a tree?
On either side of the Tree will be two great protectors. First, Rutgers' Scarlet Knight, who will be well suited to his task of defending the quarterback clad in his scarlet armor.
On the other side of center is the Army Mule. Mules are known for their stubbornness, and the United States Army's primary role is to defend all of us from enemies, foreign and domestic. What better combination for an o-line guard?
Finally, out at the offensive tackle positions are Hairy Dawg and Testudo.
Testudo fits very well into his role as an offensive lineman as tortoises—like linemen—seldom need to move very quickly. The shell provides the perfect protection, and his name alludes to not only his species' genus, but also to the ancient Roman army formation that was impenetrable.
Across from Testudo is Georgia's Hairy Dawg. Like MSU's Sparty, Hairy Dawg is one of the most easily recognized mascots in the collegiate world. His antics are legendary, but so too is his toughness. Like his official counterpart Uga, Hairy Dawg epitomizes the tough, rough-and-tumble attitude of Georgia football.