10 Hats at Royal Ascot That Would Get You a "Free Bowl of Soup" in America

Trent Scott@https://twitter.com/TrentAScottAnalyst IIIJune 25, 2012

10 Hats at Royal Ascot That Would Get You a "Free Bowl of Soup" in America

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    With the conclusion of the Royal Ascot races in Berkshire, England, the world has finally been relieved of the wonderful British sense of "fashion."

    Horse racing in general brings out a mix of church-going dresses and rather ridiculous cloths cut into the shapes of clothing.

    However, nothing draws attention quite like the hats do.

    And, like every Royal Ascot events before it, the more outlandish the hat, the more attention paid to the spectator underneath it.

    But some hats just don't justify seeing the light of day. This is a story of those hats. And, as the old man might say, if you went down to the local homeless shelter wearing one, you might get yourself a free bowl of soup out of pity.

    Here are some of the most ridiculous hats from Royal Ascot 2012.

    These outrages hats were found in the Daily Mail.

10. Peter Pan

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    I'm not quite sure Peter Pan ever had a flower in his cap, but it was certainly the first thing I thought of upon seeing this lime green head covering.

    Given the windy conditions at times, there's a decent chance this lady could have taken off to Never Never Land at any moment.

9. Wild Cherry

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    The men that brought us "Play That Funky Music" might have been proud of this headpiece as a cover for the album, but this particular wild cherry leaves just a little bit to be desired.

    At least she isn't wearing it like a pair of ear muffs.

8. The Olympic Torch

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    While the 2012 Olympics will be held in London this year, there is a difference between being patriotic and having a dangerous weapon on your lid.

    Any sudden movements and this lady could take out a whole row of spectators with the twist of her neck.

7. Tickling the Ivories

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    While the hat does get marks for at least knowing that a keyboard does alternate flats from three to two and back, there is something to be said about having the word "music" scrawled next to it.

    If you can't actually play the thing, you can't call it music. And if you tried to play that keyboard, you might get arrested.

    A no-win situation for all involved.

6. Marilyn Monroe

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    This wildly colored Marilyn Monroe piece certainly has it's moments, including the pearls draped around where her "neck" would be located.

    Unfortunately, it ends up looking like what you would come up if you couldn't decide whether you wanted your drum major's hat strap to be under the nose or under the chin and just made two for kicks.

5. The Electric Football Board

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    As a kid, I always wanted to have an electric board game to play with.

    As an adult, this lady got one...to wear on her head.

    This only looks worse after England were eliminated by Italy in penalties Sunday.

4. The Jester's Hat

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    Jesters haven't been in vogue for sometime, but with head wear like that, they're bound to make a comeback any time now.

    What makes it better is that the lady's dress and extremely long fingernails also match the hat.

    For such organizational skills, couldn't she wear something, erm, respectable?

3. The Dr. Seuss

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    The first time I saw this, I could have sworn that there was a Dr. Seuss character that looked exactly like that.

    But surely, even the good doctor couldn't have had an imagination this rampant, could he?

2. The Bird Cage

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    I'm amazed, quite frankly.

    Actually, I'm amazed at three things.

    1. Someone made this.

    2. This lady is wearing it in public.

    3. She can even stand up straight with the weight of the cage surely pulling her hard to the left.

    And yet, there is one more thing even more ridiculous than this....

1. Everything About This Picture

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    Actually, I was lying when I said one hat, because clearly this was by design.

    And I'm not kidding on the design part. This is part of a collection from a shop called the Libertarian. Shop those hats at your own risk.

    I can't say much more, because this row of hats says more than any man ever could.