Let’s not kid ourselves. There isn’t a whole lot to be excited about with UFC 147. The main event is a rematch of a 2009 fight that had no controversy attached to it, at a catchweight that renders it divisionally insignificant. The co-main event is a squash match between a part time fighter and a top-10 heavyweight. The rest of the card is filled with guys from TUF: Brazil that most of us haven’t watched.
That being said, the law of garbage cards may very well be in full effect here. If recent history is any indication, the worse the card appears to be on paper, the better the fights turn out. If that law holds true tonight, this could be one of the best cards of the year, because on paper it’s not worth $20—let alone $50.
So, in the spirit of optimism, let us have some fun with this event. If you’re like me, you simply must watch every card, regardless of whether it’s worth the PPV price or not. I see no reason to doom a UFC event, or a Saturday night—especially a Saturday night—just because the injury gods cursed the event to hell and back.
Dear friends and fellow fight fanatics, allow me to present to you the Rich Franklin vs. Wanderlei Silva drinking game. Because hey, if you’re shelling out 50 of your hard-earned dollars to buy this event, you deserve—no, you downright require—a few cocktails.
Remember, folks: Don't drink and drive.
Rule 1. First and foremost, if Rich Franklin shows up with a black eye, that’s a social—everyone drinks at least a three count. For reasons the medical profession cannot fully explain, it seems that Franklin has had a black eye for the past six years. It’s almost as if every time he approaches the Octagon he has a PTSD episode of Anderson Silva and his id decides to beat the snot out of his ego.
Rule 2. Every time anyone takes a drink, they’re required to pour an equal amount into a large pitcher staged in the middle of the room.
Rule 3. Every time Mike Goldberg says that Franklin must avoid Silva’s clinch, Wandy fans must drink two.
Rule 4. If Franklin wears pink shorts, his supporters must drink three.
Rule 5. The first person to comment that Franklin’s new hairdo resembles that of Lloyd Christmas must chug half a beer.
Rule 6. Anyone who does not know who Lloyd Christmas is must chug a full beer.
Rule 7. Anyone who still seems confused must be expelled from the premises immediately.
Rule 8. For every Brazilian flag the camera zooms in on, Wandy fans must drink.
Rule 9. For every reference from Goldy to Franklin representing America, Franklin fans must drink two.
Rule 10. Whenever Goldy announces Silva as a hero to the Brazilian people, all those in attendance rooting for Wandy must drink.
Rule 11. Every reference to Pride, whether from Goldy or Rogan, requires a social.
Rule 12. Finally, anyone who refers to the “old Wandy” in any way, shape or form, has to consume a quarter of the community pitcher’s horrifying contents.
(to be put into effect only if all guests have effectively locked their keys in a safe at the bottom of a pool)
Rule 1. If Goldberg’s bottom teeth are at least two shades whiter than they were at UFC 146, then everyone must drink.
Rule 2. Every time Rogan says, “Nice leg kick,” the entire room must do a shot of the cheapest swill available.
Rule 3. If the few Americans who happen to be in attendance possess the foolishness to begin a “U…S…A” chant, then every American at your party must do a shot.
Rule 4. For every redundant Goldy statement such as, "These guys train hard, Joe," the entire room must drink a four count.
Rule 5. If, at the end of the pre-match broadcast when Joe Rogan and Dana White do their final PPV sell, Rogan gets so intense that his neck veins actually explode, the game is over before it begins and everyone must take a handsome sip of the community pitcher until its grotesque contents are fully consumed.
See? There's no reason for this event to be a wash simply because it's an awful card on paper. With a little imagination, fun can found in even the most dire of scenarios.