WWE: Big Johnny? AJ? Cena? We've Got Bigger Issues!

Nick BolyardContributor IIIJune 19, 2012

 After reading some failed attempts at humor, I decided that it's my turn to fail.   

With all the talk about Clown Shoes being fired and CM Punk and his crazy chicks, we are forgetting some very important issues in WWE.  For instance, what was the point of Mick Foley last night?  If you are going to have a guest GM, then make them do—something.  With that said, let's dive in!


Mr. Ziggles

Dolph Ziggler is an amazing talent.  Can't be disputed.  

Have you noticed that he keeps getting more and more love from the live crowds?  This is an urgent matter!  How can he be @HEELZiggler or the #Heel with everyone cheering for him?  I know we all have a little heel in us, but who wants to tweet (that's what the WWE wants us to do, right?) @FACEZiggler?

No doubt Dolph deserves the main event and a chance to run with the ball.  However, much like Sir William (Steven?) Regal, he needs to be the villain.  Now that he has dropped Swagger, he and Vickie (she's a saint!) can do what they do every night: steal the show and try to take over the world—or the Heavyweight Championship.


Kane:  "F*** Money, Get..."

This must be Kane's motto.  The fact that Kane not only acts like some kind of mental giant, that becomes gentle with a small creature, he seems to not have his priorities straight. 

The ladies love Kane, and he loves them.  However, Kane would rather have pie than gold.  This is an issue!  Does he not realize he can get even more women with more money?  To get more money, he needs the gold.  

I guess Kane does alright without the gold.  CM Punk may dig crazy chicks, but "Chicks dig the mask!"


APB out on Zack Ryder

Has anyone seen Zack, other than on YouTube?  Okay, so he may be on SuperStars, but nobody watches that.  

Not even in his home town of Long Island is he on Raw?  Are you serious, bro?  Zack has lost a ton of momentum since being Kane's whipping boy.  Let's hope he can get back on track.


Heath Slater: The Man, the Myth, the Legend in the Making

First, much love for my fellow West Virginian!  Heath Slater is amazing on the mic and sells like a champ.  How are you not entertained when this guy is on TV?  Did this guy look at Cyndi Lauper and Diva's Champion Layla and call them "broads"?  Like a boss!

He took the record the head like a champ (it kind of upset me since I couldn't make him bleed on WWE '12 but Cyndi Lauper did, but I digress).  Heath Slater not only took it to Vader, but Roddy Piper had to cheap shot him to avoid a beat down.  Cowards!  

Heath Slater is the future of wrestling and music.  Those docile tones coming from him on Raw brought a tear to my eye.  He didn't save that segment, he was that segment.  He is the one-man band. God bless you, Heath Slater!


The Ricardo Rodriguez Power Hour?

With Raw going to three hours, why not make one of those hours dedicated to the most electrifying man in all of entertainment (sorry Dwayne):  RICARDO RODRRRRIGUEZ!  

You can't help but laugh when this guy is on TV.  It seems like he will do anything.  Here's the plan: Give him a talk show or just follow him around while he does awesome stuff.  "Hola, I'm Ricardo Rodriguez and welcome to Jackass!"  

Much like Kane, the ladies love Ricardo.  Why wouldn't they?  He is classy and wears a tux, he fights like a warrior and he has the accent.  You all saw Beth Phoenix a couple weeks go, she wanted him after he won their tag match all by himself.  The Ricardo Power Hour. Think about it!


Ryback's Victims More over Than He Is?

Vince may need to go back to the drawing board.  I, for one, enjoy Ryback's (I would have called him Skippy) opponents much more than the guy I am supposed to like.  

Did anyone catch Stanski and Rosenberg?  Those guys were awesome.  It seems to me that the guys who are getting paid to lose are much better talkers than most guys on the WWE roster.  

I'd pay $5 to see these "jobbers."  I would pay $5 to have Goldberg 2.0 do anything impressive.  Lifting two 75-pound men up and slamming them is not impressive.  Stanski and Rosenberg: That was impressive.

On another note:  If they called him Skippy, they could have gotten Brian Kendrick, and we would have the team of Skippy and Spanky.

That's all for now.  Feel free to post constructive comments below and any other issues in WWE that we are forgetting.  Thanks for reading!