5 Players Who Could Star in a Modern 'Space Jam' Remake
If you're a '90s kid like me, Space Jam is one of your favorite movies.
Think about the premise. Michael Jordan teams up with the Looney Tunes to play against an alien All Star team with their freedom on the line. Pure genius!
I fear that today's youth is missing out on the pure awesomeness that is Space Jam. 16 years is too old for the Ipad generation. It's time for a remake. Here are the modern players who could replace Michael Jordan as the star of a modern remake.
Here are some of the guys who didn't quite make the cut:
Dwight Howard: A few years ago when he was a lovable man-boy wearing capes and making the finals he'd be perfect. Now he's just too unlikable.
Ricky Rubio: I really wanted to add a European flavor to spice up this remake, and Rubio playing in Looney Tune land would lead to some of the coolest alley-oops of all time. Rubio just isn't popular enough.
Metta World Peace: Come on, you know you're intrigued.
Derrick Rose: I loved the idea of using another Chicago Bull, but Rose is just too soft spoken. Where's the intrigue here?
Ray Allen: I just want more Jesus Shuttlesworth in my life.
Kobe Bryant: Just too moody, I could see him doing this as a PR stunt but nothing more.
No. 5: Chris Paul
Here's what Chris Paul has going for him:
- He'd bring Lob City to a world that doesn't abide by the laws of physics. How cool would that be?
- He seems like a nice enough guy to want to help out the Looney Tunes.
- He could absolutely convince a bunch of cartoon characters that his water bottle contains magic liquid that could make them stars.
Unfortunately I think that's all he has. There's also a ton working against him.
There's a major position conflict between CP3 and Bugs Bunny. They're both point guards. Can either of them play off the ball? I think it would severely limit their effectiveness.
Jordan was also already a champion when he did Space Jam. Chris Paul has never made it out of the second round. He doesn't have the big game chops to beat the Monstars.
No. 4: Blake Griffin
Two Clippers on a list of five stars? Who would have thought?
First of all, if you haven't seen Blake Griffin's funny or die videos, I'm assigning them as homework for you. I'll even send you to the site. This guy can flat out act.
Blake is also a very movie-friendly athlete. He's good for at least one flashy dunk per game, and playing with a great distributor like Bugs would only help him.
Unfortunately for Blake, I have absolutely no confidence in his ability to actually lead this time. He doesn't have the leadership experience necessary to start a comeback against a far better team.
I'd love to see Blake do this, but the Tune Squad would lose. That simply isn't an option.
No. 3: LeBron James
LeBron the player is the perfect fit for Space Jam.
He's the modern day equivalent to MJ in terms of star power and pure talent. He's the one guy I wouldn't want on the other team if I went into the half with a big lead.
With these teammates I'm pretty sure he'd end up with some sort of insane stat line like 59 points, 22 rebounds and 15 assists along with 17 awesome dunks.
The problem? Cleveland was too small of a market for LeBron, so how can we expect him to play in Looney Tune Land? How would that help his brand?
And since this is LeBron I have to make the obligatory clutch joke.
At the end of the original Space Jam Michael Jordan came up with possibly the most clutch play in basketball history by defying the laws of physics to dunk from half court. In that same situation LeBron would panic, take two steps and then try to kick it out to Yosemite Sam for a desperation three pointer.
No. 2: Kevin Durant.
Doesn't Kevin Durant seem like the kind of guy who would watch Space Jam every night before he goes to bed? This role was made for him! The Looney Tunes could ask him to play tennis and he'd be on board.
From a basketball standpoint this seems like a match made in heaven. Durant is one of the few players ever who could score like Jordan. He's a renowned leader, and he's done well enough in the clutch to make him leading the Tune Squad back believable.
The problem, which really would be a problem with everyone but specifically Durant, is that I see no way the Monstars ignore him when they're stealing talent.
It's at least believable with the others. They could ignore Chris Paul for Rajon Rondo, Derrick Rose or Deron Williams. They could leave Blake alone for Kevin Love or Dirk. And if they happened to only see LeBron in the fourth quarter they'd think he was just an ordinary role player and leave him alone.
But Durant? There's no way he's getting ignored. He's target No. 1 for the Monstars. That's the biggest reason he can't star in this movie.
No. 1: Brett Favre
Surprise! Call me M. Night Shyamalan because I'm throwing you a twist ending.
Here's why I'm going with Favre. Remakes are rarely good if they're just the same movie with better effects and new actors. There has to be some sort of twist.
What better twist than switching from basketball to football? Suddenly we have a whole new movie!
So why Favre? Well, here's how I see it going down:
It's the winter of 2008. Favre has just tearfully retired from the Packers. A few months later he's on the golf course thinking that he regrets his decision, just not quite enough to come back. Enter the Looney Tunes.
Favre decides to give it one last go with his new teammates. On the last play Favre scrambles for an 85 yard touchdown run that ends in him leaping from the 20 yard line for the score.
The game reinvigorates Favre and he decides to come back.
This seems flawless. We know Favre has some acting chops from his cameo in There's Something About Mary, and he seems like he'd love playing a backyard football game with a bunch of cartoon characters. That's not even the best part.
So what is the best part? There's a .000000000000000001 percent chance that this actually happened! Think about it, is there a better explanation for what made Favre want to come back?
Ok, so Brett Favre probably didn't take part in a real life Space Jam, but still, it's a cool idea. It's not like Favre has anything better to do at this point. Let's make this happen!