Say what you wish about government incompetence—clearly, they can't balance a budget, can't find Bin Laden and can't keep tainted produce out of the country. However, it is slightly encouraging to note, that there are some things that the government can still do well.
For example, if you are on steroids and trying to evade a Congressional hearing, they will track you down like the furry outlaw troll that you are.
Nice try guys, and thank you Congress for making the world a safer place by bringing these synthetically hairy fugitives to justice.
Maybe a better tactic for avoiding government prosecution is to make yourself less conspicuous in a big city somewhere. You know, maybe get a $1,000 haircut, a new pinstripe suit at Dolce & Gabbana's and hit 20 less home runs than your career average, just like you did last year.
Like the new article format? Send us feedback!