Dear Mr. Favre,
In the summer of 1998 I saw There's Something about Mary. The film contained a wonderful line, delivered by Ben Stiller: "What about Brett Favray?" Since then I have always referred to you as such.
I have spent the last few years chastising your demeanor and slandering your good name. Whenever there was fun to be poked at your expense I made sure to poke it hard. I even went as far as to invent an expression to use: "When you assume, you make an ass out of Brett Favre".
I prayed for your retirement for years but now that you've finally gone and done it, I feel a twinge of sadness.
Without your participation in the NFL I must find another aging QB to dump on.
My Bleacher Report articles won't be peppered with Brett-Favre-is-oldisms. I can't take your name in vain anymore and there is a giant void deep within my heart. Please Mr. Favray return to Wisconsin and denounce your retirement.
Your biggest hater. Oops, I meant fan.