New York Rag Wins A-Rod Naming Contest

I don't usually make a habit of writing articles praising sleazy right-wing rag publications, but I guess that there's a first time for everything.

The New York Post, Rupert Murdoch's very own Republican propaganda slime-machine is actually good for something (other than protection for my wood floors when I oil-paint) after all. 

The other day on Bleacher Report I noticed an article that was somewhat of a contest to come up with a new name for the recently disgraced Alex Rodriguez. I think the names that were discussed were: A-Fraud, A-Roid, A-Cheat, Gay-Rod and several others that seem to escape me at the moment.

Well, this morning a friend of mine called me on the telephone and told me that the front page headline of the Post was titled: A-Hole.

Upon hearing this news, I felt compelled to immediately go down to the newspaper machine outside of my building and take a gander at this too-good-to-be-true news I had just received from my giggling buddy.

My eyes did not deceive me. Yes, it was indeed true. The front page of a major newspaper (although, admittedly, a morally bereft one) had indeed plastered Alex Rodriguez's face on their front page and officially knighted him an A-Hole for all the world to see.

I was actually somewhat jealous that a crude and usually dull-witted bunch of neo-conservative tabloid propagandists could actually come up with a better name for this terminal jackass then I could (I suggested A-Fool at the time), but nevertheless, I had to give credit where credit was due. 

I have kind of made a pact with myself over the years never to actually give a dime of my money to any publication that a scuzz-bucket like Rupert Murdoch prints, but in this case I begrudgingly put my fifty cents into the machine to get my fresh copy of A-Rod's public flogging by printing press.

On a side note, the machine was full of newspapers, and given my tendency for subversion (my true favorite pastime)...well, I guess you can figure out the rest. Needless to say, I've got a bunch of friends and relatives who will also be getting a kick out of A-Rod's misfortune without having to contribute a penny to a rotten subsidiary of News Corp (the real Evil Empire).

Call it intuition, but somehow I think that this name is gonna stick. A-Hole.

I can see it now. Thirty years from now our grandchildren will be referring to Alex Rodriguez as A-Hole and won't exactly even remember what his birth name really was. They'll be asking their parents and grandparents "What was A-Hole's real name? It wasn't really A-Hole, was it?" The adults will reply "Yes dear, that was his real name, but it's not really a nice thing to say out loud." The child's curiosity will be satisfied...and the legend will live on.

By the end of Alex Rodriguez's career he will probably have hit over 800 home runs and be Major League Baseball's all-time home run leader and all he will be remembered for is his amazing name: A-Hole.

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