Look, I don't know you. I don't know your fantasy team. I don't know which clever team name you went with (I hope it was "Ethier Said Than Dunn") and I don't know what Nomar Garciaparra is talking about most of the times he commentates games.
But I do know this: I know why fantasy baseball teams lose. (Most of the time.) It's actually not all that hard. All it takes is access to stats and the ability to empathize.
It's possible your team lost last week because you forgot to change your lineup twice, and you still haven't dropped Mariano Rivera. But just in case you're oblivious as to any tangible reason why you just got tagged with that "L" in your head-to-head league, here are 10 possible factors (some within and some out of your control) that could've played a part in leading to your loss.
In addition to his four homers, Hunter hit .500 with 10 RBI, 10 runs and a steal. Albert Pujols had seven RBI, Kendrys Morales hit three home runs, Mark Trumbo got 12 RBI, Howie Kendrick hit .400 and Mike Trout hit .520 with five RBI and four stolen bases.
C.J. Wilson even struck out nine Rockies in eight innings on Friday.
Now that Pujols has finally remembered which end of the bat makes the ball go far away and Trumbo and Trout have emerged, you've gotta think this might only be the beginning of the Angels' ascent.
Don't get me wrong. I mean, who could blame you for this?
Andre Ethier has been among the most unexpectedly ferocious hitters in the NL so far this season and making a valiant effort to fill the presently unfilled shoes of Matt Kemp. But Ethier kicked off Week 10 in the midst of a burgeoning slump, then only recorded one hit in his next six games.
He hurt you this week, but there's no reason to expect that kind of counter-production this week.
For six days, Jason Kubel looked a lot like an MVP candidate.
After going hitless during the prior three games, he exploded on Tuesday for three hits against the Rockies with a dinger and five RBI. Kubel followed that up with six hits and seven RBI in the next three games against Oakland.
He isn't owned in about 15 percent of leagues and not all that widely started in a fair share of the ones where he is, but whoever has Kubel might have been able to cash in last week's luck for a win.
Aw, man, but he just hit that ludicrously long home run last week.
Sadly, you don't get points for what Carlos Zambrano does hitting out of the No. 9 spot. You get points for what he does on the mound. And even though he's been a slight revelation in Miami with 57 Ks in 76 innings so far this season, he was less than helpful during the last seven days.
If you had him starting during his only start on Saturday, you suffered his seven-run, 2.1-inning outing before he was yanked with back stiffness. Big Z had seen his ownership rate rise in recent weeks to about 67 percent, but I bet that number dips down at least a little bit now. If you have him, he's not worth moving while his value is so low. Besides, he's still usually good for seven to nine Ks in any given start.
Give him some room.
But then he got the win.
After allowing a game-tying homer to Ryan Ludwick, the Bucs battled back and rewarded Hanrahan's owners who also enjoyed an MLB-leading four saves from the Pirates closer last week. Sure, he gave up that one run. Hanrahan also struck out four and still ended the week with a 0.80 WHIP.
There's obviously no way to protect against relief pitching performances, but if you faced Hanrahan last week, you've got to be breathing easier now that his early-June hot streak is in your rear view.
I mean, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna not start two possible and perennial contenders to be American League MVP candidates?
After an incredible start to the season, Ortiz has been playing more like Manny Ramirez as of late. Last week, Ortiz was 2-for-21 which buys you a .095 batting average. Pedroia, however, has been a problem all year and was just a hair better than Large Papi last week when he went 2-for-20.
Ortiz is notoriously streaky and is bound to bounce back in a big way (he wrapped up the week with a 3-for-4 performance on Sunday), and Pedroia provides prime numbers from the second base position. Don't send them anywhere.
You know who made Carlos Zambrano look like Nolan Ryan last week? I'll give you a hint: this entire slide is all about him.
But things turned ugly on Friday. Hudson was rocked like the A's were a virtual hurricane as he allowed six runs off eight hits in 1.2 innings. That gave the D-backs righty (and your fantasy team) a weekly ERA increase of 32.40.
Fortunately, both you and Hudson get to wipe the slate clean with his next start. Unfortunately, that start will be against the Rangers at Arlington.
I hate to say "I told you so," but I really like to let hyperlinks do it for me. Actually, I like to say "I told you so," too.
Either way, we all get lucky now and then. Unless, of course, we're talking about you last week if your opponent started Chris Sale.
Not only did he Sale record two wins last week, he also struck out 15 in 17 innings and gave up just two earned runs. That's five straight wins for the most surprising starter on the Sox and two dominating wins to follow up his 15-K demolition of the Rays on May 28.
I really think he'll be close to this dangerous all year long, so at least you only have to face Sale once every month or so.
It was bound to happen sometime.
Who could've expected that streak to be ended by the Pirates' pudgy backup backstop—Mike McKenry? Nobody. Who could've expected he would blow another save Sunday night against the Tigers? Probably a few more people the amount expecting anything from McKenry—but still.
Chapman still brought you a save and four Ks last week and he's bound to bring you plenty more of each. But for one four-day span, he was exceedingly human.
Seriously, though: Jose Reyes was pretty OK. He had six hits in six games.
Everyone else, however, was slightly sketchy. Giancarlo Stanton managed a home run but only two RBI all week. Hanley Ramirez went 2-for-20. Logan Morrison went 0-for-16. Omar Infante, John Buck and almost anyone else in orange seemed to struggle some.
There's no universe in which you shouldn't be starting Stanton and Ramirez every single day. But those other guys—owned in a handful of mixed leagues here and there—didn't do their fantasy teams any favors if they found playing time in Week 10.