Good evening everybody and welcome to Celebrity Deathmatch at the Preparation H Arena. This is your announcer for the evening, Al B Cinicle, and joining me here tonight is special guest commentator, Hulk Hogan.
Hulk: Hi Al, and hello Hulkamaniacs everywhere. I haven't been this excited for a match since I was in the Rocky movie.
Al: Thanks Hulk. On the card tonight is the long-awaited and long-anticipated match between two of sports' most controversial and self-centered athletes to ever put on a uniform.
Yes, of course we're talking about Alex Rodriguez and Brett Favre. Never before have two sports figures been so loved, and so vilified at the same time. Like magnets to controversy, their off-the-field drama has over-shadowed their stardom in the games they play.
Hulk: I'm really not sure what you just said Al, but I know the fans are really pumped for this match.
Al: OK folks, before we go any further, lets introduce our sponsors for this premier event:
CocaCola - Yes this is "the Real Thing"
Energizer batteries - The drama keeps "Going and Going"
Rolaids - How do we spell relief from these knuckleheads?
And of course,
Preparation H - For that pain in the Ass in your life (Jets and Yankees fans are stocking up)
Al: But the question remains, Hulk, who is the king of controversy? Does Brett's "to retire or not to retire" Shakespearean play he puts on every off-season overshadow the traveling circus that is Alex Rodriguez? Was Brett's tearful "retirement" press conference worse than Alex looking straight into Katie Couric's pretty green eyes and denying taking or even being tested for steroids?
Hulk: Well, I don't have the answers Al, but there's only one sure way to decide. And that's why we're here tonight. A no rules, fight to the finish deathmatch.
Al: Very true Hulk, and it looks like our combatants are ready to enter the arena. Coming in first is Alex Rodriguez.
Hulk: Wow, will you look at that entourage? Who are all those people?
Al: Looks like a hair-dresser, some strippers, a masseuse, Madonna, a few supermodels, and his personal physician.
Hulk: Do you believe that? What does he need a personal physician for? That's just excessive.
Al: Unbelievable, Hulk. And Look! Here comes Brett in his wranglers and work boots. Why, there's nobody with him at all. He really is a loner!
Hulk: What a contrast in styles, Al. Let me see if I can get his attention. Brett! Hey Brett! just one question—what's your prediction for the fight?
Brett: PAIN.
Brett: Um I think. I mean, unless I change my mind. Let me think about it for a few weeks. Or months...
Al: Typical Brett. But now it time for our fight. Lets turn it over to our ring announcer, Michael Fluffer.
Michael: Wellllllllllllllcome everyone to the Preparation H Areeeeeeeeeena. We are all honored to be here tonight for this meeting of magnificent mistake-mongers. In the blue corner, our sponsor's favorite player and the Yankees' biggest hemorrhoid, AAAAAAAAAAAA-ROID.
In the green corner, the man who came as the savior and proved to be all-too-human, Brett the JEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTT. Now lets hand it over to our referee, Will B. Fayre.
Will: The rules state, there must be a decision. Someone must die or willingly quit for the fight to end. Now go to your corners and come out fighting.
We're going to send you the most entertaining Green Bay Packers articles, videos, and podcasts from around the web.
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