The Doctor's Weekly WWE Raw Recap: The 158 Things We Learned, Loved and Hated

The Doctor Chris Mueller@@BR_DoctorFeatured ColumnistJune 5, 2012

Photo: WWE
Photo: WWE

I can't say thank you enough to the people who come here each week to read the ludicrous things I come up with and take the time to comment. I am working on something special for you guys as a way to say thank you.

Until I get everything worked out, I cannot reveal any details, but I think it is something everyone will be really excited about. It will go way beyond simply giving shout-outs to the occasional winner of a prediction contest. I am hoping it will not be much longer.

Some of the decisions involving what I would like to do are not completely up to me, so I am just waiting for everything to fall in line.

I truly appreciate my loyal readers, but for those of you who are new, each week I recap Raw with a long list.

The entries are made up of equal parts observations, humor, recap, play-by-play, revelations, speculations, questions, answers and anything else I notice during the show. I sometimes comment on commercials, too, just because I get bored during them.

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I try and interject some fun into these lists, so I hope you have fun reading this week's list of the 158 things we learned, loved and hated from the show.

1. The show opens with a video of Big Show's domination over Brodus Clay, Zack Ryder and Santino Marella last week.
2. Michael Cole is brought into the ring to plenty of boos from the crowd. They boo harder the second he starts talking.
3. Cole says his guest is to blame for Big Show's reign of terror: John Cena.
4. Cena comes out to a mixed response which I would estimate to be more positive than negative.
5. There are some good signs, but I like the "Save us Stone Cole" sign and "Nutjob" sign for AJ the best.
6. Cole says Cena could have supported Big Show instead of making jokes to John Laurinaitis.
7. Cena makes a joke about Cole having a collection of My Little Ponies and no one in the crowd laughs.
8. Cena says Big Show's actions are mostly to blame on John Laurinaitis and Big Show himself.
9. Cole says there is no way to know if the next GM would have hired Big Show back.
10. He also accuses Cena of being jealous of Big Show.
11. This argument between Cole and Cena is strange. I still have no idea why Cole's opinion is supposed to matter to Cena.
12. Cole says Cena is overrated and he hoped Big Show ends his career at No Way Out.
13. I have to say that I am happy John Laurinaitis came out to break this up. I was getting kind of bored.
14. JL says that in the spirit of fairness, he is going to let Cena pick his opponent tonight.
15. Cena tries to say he wants to face John Laurinaitis, but JL cuts him off and says he is retired and Big Show is not here tonight.
16. Cena makes a big deal out of who he is going to pick before revealing it is going to be Michael Cole.
17. Cole tries to say he can't do that, and JL turns his rascal around and rolls right offstage.
18. I predict that two minutes into the Cena/Cole match, we get Big Show running in to attack Cena.
19. I know he is supposedly not here tonight, but that trick has been used a million times.
20. After the break, we see Cole backstage begging John Laurinaitis not to make him fight Cena.
21. JL says he is all about People Power and the match should happen.
22. Cole says no one wants to see the match and JL says he knows they do before telling Cole not to call him Johnny and rolling off.
23. Vickie Guerrero comes out and as she starts talking, we see Michael Cole walk past her looking very angry.
24. She brings out Dolph Ziggler, who looks like he has no issues with Vickie, for the moment.
25. Sheamus is out next to a nice pop.

Photo 1 Chris Pyne
Photo 1 Chris Pyne


26. Ziggler and Sheamus exchange some offense early on.
27. Sheamus gets the first nearfall and then he drags Ziggler outside tre ring.
28. Ziggler tries to run Sheamus into the post, but Sheamus uses his strength to keep himself from hitting it.
29. Ziggler uses some speed to get back in the ring and then hit a running dropkick to gain the advantage before the commercial.
30. This is a good match so far. They have a quick pace and it looks as if either man could win, although odds are on Sheamus, since he is going into a title match soon.
31. We return to see Dolph Ziggler still in control of Sheamus.
32. Sheamus fights back and gets the advantage again.
33. I am starting to notice that Sheamus wrestles a lot like Triple H. A very steady pace for the most part with lots of power moves and a specific set of signature moves.
34. Ziggler climbs to the top but gets crotched on the turnbuckle by Sheamus, who climbs up but Ziggler fights him off and hits a fame-asser from the top rope for a near fall.
35. Sheamus ends up hitting White Noise and The Brogue Kick for the pin and the win.
36. As Sheamus celebrates on the ramp, he gets ambushed by Alberto Del Rio.
37. Ricky Ricardo holds Sheamus' legs so Del Rio can hit a running kick to the head.
38. Nice. Del Rio puts the Cross-Arm Breaker on Sheamus while Sheamus is hanging from the stage. That looked way more painful with how Sheamus' arm was bent.
39. Ha. John Laurinaitis is telling someone to get him a coffee he should have already had when we come back form commercial and David Otunga walks up with a giant mug in his hand.
40. Otunga says Mr. McMahon is coming back to Raw next week to give JL a job evaluation.
41. If WWE starts showing Cole playing with his iPad every week, I am going to be pissed.
42. Sin Cara is out next. I am looking forward to seeing if he is better than he was on SmackDown since this is live and not edited.
43. I guess the trampoline he uses for his entrance is a thing of the past. Thank God. He hit that top rope so many times.
44. Nice. His opponent is his old rival, Hunico.
45. I was hoping this feud would re-emerge. It got cut short and had a lot of potential.
46. I am a little surprised to see that Hunico has his own T-shirt now.
47. Sin Cara is in control in the early going.
48. Can someone please turn on the normal lights!
49. Hunico hits a nice backbreaker to gain control.
50. Slower pace than I would have expected thus far.

Photo 2 Juan Amezcua
Photo 2 Juan Amezcua

51. And right after I type that, Cara picks up the pace a bit and hits a series of high-flying moves.
52. Sin Cara ends up hitting his finisher for the win. Still not sure what I am supposed to call that move. (La Mistica - ED.)
53. WWE is hyping the 1000th show with a clip John Cena shows of him being drafted to Raw.
54. Two jobbers who look like rejects from a 3-count 2.0 auditions.
55. They do some promo in unison about how they will beat Ryback.
56. Interesting: Ryback is on Twitter.
57. Ryback slammed that first guy so hard my screen went blank for a second.
58. Hahaha. I guess it wasn't just me because Lawler mentions it too.
59. Ryback sets up both guys for a huge running clothesline that takes them both out.
60. He puts both men up for his finisher, which I still say looks cool even though these are two guys who probably collectively weigh as much as Ryback.
61. I have to give him credit. Ryback looked pretty decent in that match. He had some good, unique moves.
62. I wish so bad that I was good at graphics stuff so I could make a picture of Ryback's head on a bunch of Hungry Hungry Hippos screaming "Feed Me More!"
63. It would be the scariest children's game of all time.
64. After the break we get CM Punk's entrance for his match against Kane.
65. Cole tries to call Laurinaitis to beg him to stop his match again and he gets hung up on by JL.
66. Daniel Bryan comes out and stands on the announce table after his entrance and addresses the crowd.
67. He asks if everyone thinks AJ is delusional and a few other questions just so he can yell YES!
68. I think the whole "Yes" thing is starting to wear on me. It was funny for a while, but now I think I might want it to be toned down a bit.
69. Wait a second! Maybe that was WWE's plan all along. If we keep chanting it, then they will shove it down our throats until we are sick of it.
70. Touche, WWE.
71. Kane comes out next and takes the advantage early after the bell.
72. Punk puts Kane out of the ring and then hits a suicide dive followed by a diving ax-handle from the top turnbuckle.
73. I might be the only one who is glad Kane is going to be in the title match at No Way Out. I don't want Punk and Bryan to have a series of one on one matches right in a row. I want the feud to stay fresh for a long time and the only way that will happen is with variety.
74. Wow. Kane throwing Punk over the top rope looked awesome because he almost threw Punk clean over without touching them.
75. I gotta comment on this commercial. This show Dance Moms looks horrific and it will probably run for five seasons because so many people watch shows like that. I guess this is what happens when you have 500 channels you have to fill with content. You end up reaching for the first pile of crap that walks by and give it a show.

Photo 3 Natasha Farley
Photo 3 Natasha Farley

76. When we return, we see Cole trying to get Bryan to help him and Bryan just ignores him so he can watch the match.
77. Kane has Punk down in the ring with a chin-lock.
78. Hahaha. Cole says "I have kids and a Father and a Mother" and you can barely hear Lawler say "And they've never met."
79. Punk hits Kane with a knee while the Big Red Monster was trying to climb the ropes.
80. Punk hits his knee/bulldog combo for a near fall and then he hits a springboard clothesline for another near fall.
81. He calls for the GTS, but he can't get Kane up and he gets a big boot form Kane for his troubles.
82. As Kane signals for the chokeslam we see Punk hit a neckbreaker for another close fall.
83. This is a really good match. I am loving what Kane has been doing with Punk and Bryan lately. He seems like he is performing on a higher level than he has been in the past year.
84. Punk hits the Macho Man elbow and as he comes down it looks like he hit Kane in the head instead of the chest. That could have been way worse than it ended up being.
85. Kane kicks out and they go outside the ring to start brawling right next to Bryan.
86. Bryan attacks Punk with a couple kicks while the ref had his back turned.
87. Kane brings Punk back in the ring and goes for the Chokeslam but Punk hits a high roundhouse to break it up.
88. AJ runs down to tell the ref about Bryan attacking Punk and as Bryan tries to tell her to leave, we see Punk hit him with a suicide dive.
89. Punks runs back into the ring but eats a Chokeslam. Kane wins the match and focuses on AJ as she cowers in the corner.
90. Bryan attacks Kane from behind and Kane easily dispatches him.
91. AJ stands up and smiles at Kane. What the hell?
92. Kane looks too freaked out to know what to do and he just walks away. I would too. That chick is gonna snap and I wouldn't want to be anywhere near her when it happens, either.
93. After the commercial, we see AJ backstage and Josh Mathews asks her about the look she gave Kane in the ring.
94. She says she likes when men look at her and she says she is an aggressive woman.
95. She flirts with him a little, which scares him into walking off.
96. Wow. Cole is desperate. He is asking the fans to use social media to ask for him to get out of his match with Cena.
97. I like the video they show for Big Show where he talks about how all his happy babyface stuff was a lie.
98. R-Truth and Kofi Kingston are in action next.
99. Holy Crap! Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins are on Raw!
100. Kofi and Truth are all taped up to sell the beat down they received at the hands of Big Show last week.

101. Kofi is in control of Hawkins as he tags in Truth and they hit a double hip toss.
102. Truth boogies into a leg drop for a near fall.
103. Reks gets the tag and Truth puts him in the corner for a series of shots to the head.
104. Reks gets the advantage with Hawkins help and he starts working over Truth.
105. Reks and Hawkins look very Hart-inspired with the black and pink attires tonight.
106. Cole mentions that Epico and Primo still have a rematch for the titles. I was wondering if WWE would just forget that.
107. Kofi gets the hot tag and he takes out Hawkins with the Boom drop.
108. Nice exchange. Kofi misses Trouble in Paradise and gets pushed into the corner, but he climbs the ropes and hits a high cross-body for a pin attempt which was broken up by Reks.
109. Kofi and Truth get the win after Kofi hits TIP on Hawkins for the pin.
110. Good match. Reks and Hawkins looked good and since I haven't been watching NXT or Superstars for a while, I have to say I was a little impressed. They kept right up with the champs.
111. Cole was talking about how his match is next throughout the ending of the tag match.
112. After we get another flashback video showing one of Triple H's returns from injury, we see John Cena come out for his match with Michael Cole.
113. Cole is still at the announcer's table with his suit still on.
114. Ha. He says his singlet is in the hall of fame. Which hall of fame?
115. John Laurinaitis rolls out on the stage and he says he has been thinking about this match.
116. He says he knows the fans want to see it, but in the spirit of People Power, he is going to make it a no DQ match.
117. Cole freaks out, until he finds out that the match won't even happen unless Cena beats Tensai.
118. Tensai is out sans robe and he shoves Sakamoto as he comes down to the ring.
119. Tensai is in control early on as he hits tons of strikes and stomps on Cena.
120. Why would Cole find it necessary to point out that he and Tensai have different styles? That is like saying vanilla is different from chocolate.
121. Cena fights back and he clotheslines Tensai over the top rope.
122. Sakamoto attacks Cena while the ref is distracted.
123. I wonder if we will ever get to see Sakamoto wrestle?
124. When we return from commercial, we see that Tensai is still in control of Cena.
125. I just realizes that Tensai looks like a fatter Tyson Tomko.

126. Cole is yelling at Cena while he is down outside the ring, barely making it back in the ring before a 10-count.
127. Cena hits a flurry of offense and ends up getting the win with the AA.
128. Cole looks on in disbelief as he realizes he has to face Cena now.
129. The ref calls for the bell and Cole tries to run through the crowd to avoid the match, but Cena catches him and drags him back to the ring.
130. Cole was able to grab a mic before he was thrown into the ring by Cena.
131. He says it doesn't have to happen like this. He says they have been friends for a long time and Cena looks amused.
132. Cole offers his hand to Cena and when Cena laughs, Cole starts getting pissed off.
133. He takes off his coat and tie off and he starts yelling at Cena.
134. JC grabs the mic and says everyone will remember him as the guy who got his ass kicked and then he rips Cole's shirt open and slaps his chest.
135. I do not know why Cena felt the need to start stripping Cole's clothes off. Maybe he likes Cole as more than just a friend.
136. He picks up Cole's legs and stomps him right in the crotch in a move that made men cringe all around the world.
137. Nice. Cena does the thing Big Show does where he shushes the audience before he does a huge chop and the crowd actually got really quiet for a split second.
138. Lawler is loving this.
139. Cens makes Cole apologize to Lawler for insulting him about their match at WrestleMania.
140. He also says Cole drove Jim Ross away from commentary and he deserves an apology.
141. Cena plugs JR's BBQ sauce and he makes Cole plug it.
142. Hahahaha. Cole says "It's Slobber Knocker good."
143. Cena says he wishes he had some of JR's sauce and King magically produced three bottles of the stuff.
144. Cena hits Cole with the mic right on the top of the skull and then goes to grab the bottles from King.
145. He pours it all over Cole. This is going overboard now. The last thing I want to see is Cole in his underwear, rolling around in hot sauce.
146. Now if it was Alicia Fox...
147. Cena adds insult to injury with the fire extinguisher and as he goes for the AA he gets ambushed by Tensai.
148. Tensai hits a two-handed chokeslam on Cena and Cole covers him, but Cena manages to kick out.
149. Lawler almost had a heart attack when Cole nearly won.
150. MC Underwear grabs the fire extinguisher and tries to hit Cena only to get put up for an AA.
151. Cena wins.
152. That was ridiculous. I don't even know what else to say on the matter.
153. The show ends with Cena spraying Cole with the extinguisher some more.
154. Other than the final match between Cole and Cena, I have to say that I enjoyed tonight's show.
155. Sheamus and Ziggler performed really well and the tag team match was exciting as well.
156. I was a little shocked I enjoyed Kane and CM Punk as much as I did, and Sin Cara and Hunico did not do too bad, either.
157. Once again we had a Divas title-free show and I was a little surprised Eve was not behind JL's rascal tonight.
158. AJ is becoming a very intriguing character and I am looking forward to what WWE does with her, so long as they don't ruin what they have built up with her nut-job image.

Thanks for reading and feel free to share your thoughts and additions to the list below. Also, please make sure to vote in the poll for the image that will appear at the top of every recap going forward.


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