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Which NBA Star Would Win a 25-Man Every-Man-for-Himself Brawl?

Andrew WallockContributor IJanuary 7, 2017

Which NBA Star Would Win a 25-Man Every-Man-for-Himself Brawl?

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    This year's playoffs have certainly given us a fair share of dirty play and a few suspensions. Obviously, the playoffs are a time when the emotions and pressure are overwhelming at times. 

    During the playoffs, NBA fans get glimpses of which players are fake tough guys and which ones are actually tough. 

    But if you threw 25 NBA stars into an every-man-for-himself brawl (WWE style), who would come out on top? 

    I know everyone has their certain opinion on this topic, but let's take a moment and examine the implications of such an epic event. 

    Either way, I'd be first in line for tickets to see it. 

The Brawlers

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    Before we get into the logistics, here are the 25 guys that will be competing in the epic fight. Names have been chosen based on suspensions and whether or not they have a general reputation as a tough guy. I threw all the general NBA stars in there, along with a few tough role players mixed in. 

    1. LeBron James, Miami Heat

    2. Kevin Garnett, Boston Celtics

    3. Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers

    4. Kevin Durant, Oklahoma City Thunder

    5. Kendrick Perkins, Oklahoma City Thunder

    6. Metta World Peace, Los Angeles Lakers

    7. Carmelo Anthony, New York Knicks

    8. Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls

    9. David West, Indiana Pacers

    10. Roy Hibbert, Indiana Pacers

    11. Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat

    12. Al Jefferson, Utah Jazz

    13. Rudy Gay, Memphis Grizzlies

    14. Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic

    15. Big Baby Davis, Orlando Magic

    16. Rajon Rondo, Boston Celtics

    17. Blake Griffin, Los Angeles Clippers

    18. Chris Paul, Los Angeles Clippers

    19. Deron Williams, New Jersey Nets

    20. Ty Lawson, Denver Nuggets

    21.Al Harrington, Denver Nuggets

    22.Chris Bosh, Miami Heat

    23.Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs

    24.Josh Smith, Atlanta Hawks

    25.DeMarcus Cousins, Sacramento Kings

    Those are the players selected. Obviously, the rules in an every-man-for-himself brawl are...well...there are none! Participants just need to make sure no one dies in 4 Rounds. You get knocked down for more than 10 seconds, you are out. No cheap shots. 

    The arena selected for this particular event will be the court of that place we all love, Madison Square Garden. It's set up as a basketball court, with chairs scattered around. No need for anything else that could be more damaging. The place would be packed with fans of boxing, UFC, WWF, and the NBA alike.

    So without further adieu, lets just get to it...

Round 1

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    Obviously, round one would be the time where the tough guys would distinguish themselves from the "fake-tough" guys. We have a few of those in this round that won't even make it past the first five minutes.

    A few team-ups occur for the earlier rounds. Obviously, we have the Big Three of LeBron, Wade, and Bosh hooking up with Chris Paul, Carmelo Anthony, and Dwight Howard (the diva superstars). Eventually, they'll have to turn on each other. But for now, they obviously want to team up and dispose of those they deem unworthy. We might as well just call this the Hunger Games. 

    Then, of course, we have a few lone rangers roaming around. Kendrick Perkins needs no one's help, Kobe hangs back, Rajon Rondo dashes around avoiding all contact, and Derrick Rose maintains his low-key presence. You barely even know he's there. The same goes for the likes of Al Jefferson and Kevin Durant. Just like their careers, they decide to dominate quietly and effectively without any fanfare.

    Right off the bat, a number of guys go straight for the kill when it comes to Metta World Peace. Before fans can even react, the man formerly known as Ron Artest is out of the match. The same goes for Blake Griffin. Kendrick Perkins makes a beeline straight for the man who put him on a poster and takes him down with one good punch. A real punch. There's no need for Blake to act out anything. This time he really does get hit. 

    Roy Hibbert's inability to use his size effectively becomes quite clear in the early stages of this round. The poor youngster is pounded by an older and much tougher Kevin Garnett before he can run for cover.  

    And unfortunately, a flying metal chair takes down Tim Duncan early-on. The chair, thrown by Rudy Gay, also hits Kevin Durant.

    K-D, with his scrawny build, tries to face up against Rudy Gay, who easily dispatches the superstar. 

    Rudy Gay has teamed up with Josh Smith, DeMarcus Cousins, we can call them the "Under-appreciated Superstar" team. 

    Big Baby Davis also doesn't make it far in this round. In reality, the guy is just a teddy bear. Tough guy David West makes sure Davis is put in his place quickly. After being defeated, Davis is seen crying while walking out of the arena. 

    Others out in this round include Ty Lawson, Al Harrington, and Deron Williams. None of the three are able to establish any sort of alliance or dominance in round one. Poor Deron, who tries to suit up with the Superstar Divas, gets a quick roundhouse kick to the face by Dwight, who never really wanted to play in Brooklyn in the first place. Ty and Al Harrington, get pay-back from a pissed-off Kobe who has teamed up with KG, and are taken down early. 

    By the end of round one, we have officially lost Metta World Peace, Blake Griffin, Tim Duncan, Kevin Durant, Deron Williams, Al Harrington, Ty Lawson, Big Baby Davis, and Roy Hibbert. 

Round 2

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    Round 2 is much more intense and heated than the first round. The Superstar Divas team is still intact, as well as the Under-appreciated Superstar team. In the background, a few lone rangers still roam around. 

    The Superstar Divas decide early to cut loose a few of it's members. Wade and James finally realize that they need to expose their pet dinosaur (Bosh) and throw him out completely. Once Bosh is out, Carmelo becomes the next easy out, with LeBron seeing to his dismissal personally. Anthony never was on the same league with those guys. Wade and James then take off to become their own faction, leaving Dwight and Paul to fend for themselves. 

    Rajon Rondo is caught by a roaming David West (who happens to be working with Kendrick Perkins at this point). Rondo, trying unsuccesfully to get into West's face, is knocked out from behind by Perkins' massive fist. 

    A similar fate befalls the oft-forgotten Al Jefferson. KG and Kobe are the perpetrators of his demise. Once Al Jefferson is eliminated, casual NBA fans ask around wondering who the heck Al Jefferson even was. 

    An internal struggle eventually begins within the Under-appreciated Superstar team. Cousins has a problem with something and nobody knows what it is. In a fit of immature rage, he clocks Rudy Gay and sends him packing. Smith decides to cut all ties and takes off for the outskirts of the arena, followed closely by a blood-thirsty West and Perkins.

    We never hear from Josh Smith again.

    Derrick Rose, whose knee gives out during a fight against Kobe, is evacuated for medical reasons.

Semi-Final Round

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    Let's take a step back and figure out who still is in the arena by round three.

    At this point the competitors include:

    1. LeBron James

    2. Dwyane Wade

    3. Dwight Howard

    4. Chris Paul

    5. David West

    6. Kendrick Perkins

    7. Kevin Garnett

    8. Kobe Bryant

    9. DeMarcus Cousins

    A theme has definitely been established in the first two rounds.Players are showing their true colors. They are the same people in this brawl that they are on the NBA court.

    Let's do a quick recap: Roy Hibbert was sent out due to his softness, Rajon Rondo got tossed for emotion, Blake and Metta both got destroyed based on reputation, and Chris Bosh was proven to be the least important member of the Big Three. 

    Once Round 4 starts, a brutal and epic fight erupts between four players. DeMarcus Cousins, KG, Kobe, and Kendrick Perkins all engage in a fight to the death war that only finds two victors: KG and Perkins. Kobe takes an ill-advised punch to the groin and falls immediately. Cousins, who says something ill-advised and unnecessary to KG receives payback right away. KG will have none of that.

    On the other side of the arena, David West is tracking down Dwight and Paul. Eventually catching up to them, Dwight bails on Paul and leaves him to the graces of the tough and resilient West. He doesn't stand a chance. That Dwight Howard shows no loyalty. 

    By the end of the fourth round, only a few remain. They are:

    1. LeBron James- Can he come through in the clutch this time?

    2. Dwyane Wade- Can he perform without LeBron at this point?

    3. KG- Of course he's still around.

    4. Kendrick Perkins- This guy ain't no softy. One of the toughest guys in the NBA.

    5. David West- See Kendrick Perkins. 

    6. Dwight Howard- I wonder what would've happened if Stan Van Gundy was in the arena. 

Finals

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    You may be shocked to hear this but LeBron is the first person out in the final round. Kevin Garnett makes it his dying wish to make sure the flopper LeBron doesn't sniff the title. Sorry, Heat fans, it's just the way it ends up. 

    Wade, now finally able to fly free, becomes a new man entirely. Sadly, this doesn't last very long. Engaged in a battle of fists, he lands a few good ones on Dwight before the bigger and stronger Howard essentially pushes Wade out of the way, knocking him out. 

    Once Dwight Howard turns around, he finds himself face to face with a bloodthirsty Kendrick Perkins. An epic battle of strength begins, with Perkins barely coming out on top (he landed a good blow to Dwight's shoulder). 

    Eventually, Kendrick Perkins turns on David West and the two nearly kill each other before Kevin Garnett steps in and helps Perkins finish off West. 

    In the end, a bloody and fierce battle breaks out between Kevin Garnett and Perkins, former teammates in Boston. The victor, after a very satisfying and gritty battle, is the younger and bigger Kendrick Perkins. 

    It might not be a satisfying ending, but hey let's be realistic. Kendrick Perkins, despite being dunked on by Blake Griffin, is easily one of the toughest and scariest guys in the NBA. 

    Either way, I'd pay to see this fight. Get me nosebleeds, anything, I'd be there. 

    Anyway, hope you enjoyed my take on the 25-man NBA Brawl! Leave in the comments why you think LeBron and/or Kobe should've won! 

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