NFL Future Power Rankings: AFC East (A Memorandum to James Walker)

Jason Clary@IamJClaryCorrespondent IMay 24, 2012

DAVIE, FL - MAY 4: Ryan Tannehill #17 of the Miami Dolphins talks to the media after the rookie minicamp on May 4, 2012 at the Miami Dolphins training facility in Davie, Florida. (Photo by Joel Auerbach/Getty Images)
Joel Auerbach/Getty Images

Good ol' ESPN is at it again. Check out this article by James Walker (after reading my awesome article, of course).

Walker takes a look through his crystal ball at the state of the AFC East in 2015 and leaves us with almost the exact same standings from 2011!

Well Mr. Walker, did I mention that I also have a crystal ball? Not only do I have magical future-seeing tools, my crystal ball is proven accurate for at least a decade into the future. Take that Miss Cleo. 

Now I will use this all-seeing crystal ball to look all the way to the year 2025. James, haven't you heard that you shouldn't bring a knife to a gun fight?

You mention Ryan Tannehill is too much of a question mark to be seen as a sure thing in 2015 (mind you, Tannehill hasn't taken a snap yet).

But in light of that, other players have potential while Tannehill simply has question marks.

Well, given your expertise on the year 2015, I will give you my expertise on the year 2025. Fear not Dolphins fans, there is a giant beam of sunlight on the future of your franchise.

After the first time machine is created in 2023 (sorry Marty McFly), Dan Marino takes his body back in time and begins his second stint as the Dolphins quarterback.

Though anything past the year 2030 is less accurate in my crystal ball, I am getting a 91 percent confidence rating that Marino will be the only player to be inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame twice.

Along with the great Dan Marino, the Dolphins have chosen to use my crystal ball as a tool for scouting players. Though, I feel as if Pop Warner players are a little too young to think about their professional careers.

And if there's any questions of improper benefits at the Pop Warner level, just turn your head. No, it wasn't me that gave little Jimmy the big-wheel with the Giovanni rims and the pimped out audio system.

Jimmy's future jersey is for sale on EBAY though, it doesn't have an autograph because he hasn't learned how to write in cursive yet.

By the year 2025, Mark Sanchez will own the largest hot dog stand in the state of New York, although he will fail to see a profit because of his own love for hot dogs.

Also by the year 2025, Rex Ryan will own a fairly successful foot-massaging parlor, specializing in, well...everything feet.

Tom Brady will use the same time machine that Marino did, except instead of using it to play football again, he will turn back the hands of time so he can form a super-boy duet with Justin Bieber.

Read it and weep, AFC East. Miami will be back to prominence with a still-spry young fella' named Dan Marino. As for the rest of the division, good luck in your business ventures?

If you would like some insider trading or sports betting information from me and my crystal ball, I charge a reasonable fee of $10,000 an hour.