First, nobody, and I mean nobody—not even the lovechild of Dick Butkus and Dan Marino who was raised by Bill Parcells and Ray Lewis in a pigskin-lined apartment at Lambeau Field—can accurately predict that which isn’t obvious about the NFL.
We all know the Cleveland Browns will stink from now to eternity, and that the shade of orange in Gatorade’s new Mile High Majesty flavor will perfectly match the shade of orange on Peyton Manning's Denver Broncos jersey, but who among us can confidently say who will win the Super Bowl or which draft picks will pan out?
That being said, let’s makes some predictions, for this season and beyond, about the most slurped over division in the known world. It’s the four-team conglomerate that’s discussed ad nauseam and that features only one team which actually plays in the city it claims as home: the NFC East.
Tony Romo will win the U.S. Open, of tennis, before winning a Super Bowl.
Following the lead of Pete Campbell, the New York Giants will relocate to Cos Cob, Connecticut.
Robert Griffin III will win the 2018 Super Bowl in Washington...Washington State, that is, as a member of the Seattle Seahawks.
Jason Peters will be universally recognized as the best offensive lineman in football.
Eli Manning’s two Super Bowls will double his Saturday Night Live appearances.
The Redskins’ red-faced head coach Mike Shanahan will find his soul mate in New Jersey tanning mom Patricia Krentcil.
Tim Tebow will start at quarterback for all four teams.
Brandon Jacobs will continue to tweet as if he still plays for the Giants.
Unhappy with his contract, DeSean Jackson will cry about not getting the ball thrown to him while attending a youth soccer game.
Trent Williams and Fred Davis will begin touring the nation with their unique brand of marijuana comedy under the name Fourth and Chlong.
The Washington Redskins will actually play a game within Washington D.C..
Andy Reid will become known as the Black Hole.
(Credit Tony Kornheiser for this one.) The Redskins will change their logo from the Native American to a potato.
Victor Cruz will trade in his salsa dancing for slam dancing. Unfortunately, he begins the routine on the sideline with 350-pound defensive lineman Shaun Rogers and is never heard from again.