Penn State Football logoPenn State Football

Breaking News: Paterno and Bowden Update Their Contracts (Satire)

Mike AlmightyContributor IJanuary 31, 2009

Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden have just confirmed that they have revised their contracts.

They both reached agreements to coach until one of them dies, which could mean they will be coaching well into their 100's.

A few new clauses were added as well.

The NCAA has agreed to allow Paterno the use of a motorized mobile device to help him get around on the sidelines. Paterno was seen recently in State College test driving a Segway and numerous motor scooters out on some practice fields.

Bowden, who just completed another sub-par season at Florida State, has requested and received permission to have large air-fresheners installed around the stadium to cover up the smell of how bad his teams stink. 

Also, Bowden reportedly has hired one of his great-grandchildren as an assistant coach. 

He has already been through all of his children and his grandchildren as coaches and hopes one of his great grandchildren will be a suitable replacement whenever he steps away from the coaching ranks.

Competing with each other for the FBS all-time wins mark is not the only record Paterno and Bowden are after.

Reportedly, they are in competition to see who can get the thickest lenses for their glasses.

Where can I comment?

Stay on your game

Latest news, insights, and forecasts on your teams across leagues.

Choose Teams
Get it on the App StoreGet it on Google Play

Real-time news for your teams right on your mobile device.

Copyright © 2017 Bleacher Report, Inc. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. All Rights Reserved. is part of Bleacher Report – Turner Sports Network, part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Network. Certain photos copyright © 2017 Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Getty Images is strictly prohibited. AdChoices