Yes, the hapless Arizona Cardinals are suddenly no longer hapless. Those “people” are even beginning to hype up Warner as a MVP candidate and potential Hall of Famer.
Of course, in the league’s other conference, the Steelers, as always, are chugging their way through to the top and seem to be destined for Tampa (see what I mean about foreshadowing) and Super Bowl XLIII.
Just when all seems well in sunny Cardinal-land, the stormy winter hits and the Cardinals are the Cardinals again.
“Warner’s washed up!” the people say. “And that Whisenhunt is too ‘pretty.’ This team needs a badass to kick their butts into gear!
Whisenhunt cannot agree more, and after an embarrassing loss in snowy New England, Whizzy goes badass on the team.
“Be here for practice Christmas morning,” he told the team. “Full pads, full contact.”
Badass indeed.
This badass practice is the turning point for the Cardinals. Arizona wins its regular season finale and then their high-powered offense steamrolls past Atlanta and Carolina in the playoffs. The Cards are now just one win away from a date with destiny (and Tomlin’s Steelers) as the red-hot Philadelphia Eagles.
“We need something that will shock the (bleep) out of them,” Whizzy tells his staff.
“What do you suggest?” random offensive coach asks.
Whizzy thinks back to that playoff game in Cincinnati and that game-clinching flea-flicker.
Perfect.
Before the Eagles know it, Kurt Warner is launching a bomb to Larry Fitzgerald for a demoralizing touchdown.
“We’re going to the Super Bowl!” Warner screams after a glorious victory for the Cardinals who are now full of hap.
In this story, Whisenhunt leads his band of underdogs against the mighty Steelers, with Tomlin glaring menacingly at the Whizzy on the Cardinals’ sideline, and pulls off the upset to end all upsets...
Of course, this Sunday’s Super Bowl will not a work of fiction; it will take place in real life: in a real stadium in front of real fans. And, none of those little signs, the seemingly innocuous sentences and paragraphs foreshadowing a happy, storybook ending for the Arizona Cardinals mean a damn thing in real life.
The Pittsburgh Steelers’ defense is indeed too tough, too badass for Whizzy’s flashy offense. Kurt Warner is old, and struggles against good defenses that get in his face.
In short, Mike Tomlin’s Men of Steel are the better football team and will take the Vince Lombardi Trophy back to Pittsburgh for a record sixth time. Period.
End of story.
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