Last Minute Red Sox Musings: aTek of the Bad Puns

FenWestCorrespondent IJanuary 30, 2009

With just a few hours left, MLB.com offered us a reminder of one more hugely important reason for the Red Sox to re-sign the Captain, Jason Varitek:

We need the puns.

The new headline attached to Ian Browne's article about 'Tek's approaching deadline, as splashed across the MLB main page, reads, "'Tek it or leave it: Deadline today to stay with Sox."

I never did see a sportswriter who could resist a pun as bad as that. And while the Sox roster has plenty of material ("Jed-i Knight: Lowrie fitting in just fine;" "Masterson Just-in Time;" "R-Bay-I Machine: Jason Got the Sox Off and Running;" "Les(ter) is More;" "Great A-Wake-ning;" etc., and those are all authentic, Bay-bee), losing 'Tek would be a devastating blow to the many inveterate, incurable punsters of the press who have more fun with his name than with any other.

Tek Support!

Tek-nical Difficulties!

Tek-Sector!

Tek-Boom!

SpecTekular Bid! (Really. I kid you not.)

Tek Me to Your Leader! (Again, I wouldn't lie about a thing like that.)

And early this morning, "Tek it or leave it"...

We've already said goodbye to "Mannyfest Destiny," and we lost out on receiving the "Tex Message" (which was fine, though, 'cause trading Mikey would have been a Lowell blow). Coco Crisp patently was a pun before the writers ever came near his name, and he also is gone.

Can we afford to lose Varitek too? I put it to you, Red Sox Nation: The risk is too great! And I haven't even touched on all the great plays on "captain," the ship metaphors, and Whitman references...

Theo, you'd better not have blown this. There's too much at stake. 'Tek it from me: We need our captain back.

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