No. 7—Kellen Winslow will find a way to get into a third motorcycle accident. Everyone could use work on their motorcycling-in-parking-lot skills, right?
No. 6—The NFL, frustrated by the Cardinals fluke playoff run, makes a new rule: No team beaten by 40 points two weeks before the end of the season is allowed to make the playoffs.
No. 5—Jordan Shipley is granted another year of eligibility to play WR for Texas. On his 30th birthday, he scores the game winning touchdown in the BCS national title game, after the game he states, “I’m coming back for one more!”
No. 4—The Browns attempt to get Michael Vick. Of all the players in the NFL, who would you rather see in the dog pound?
No. 3—Jerry Jones makes himself the Cowboys' Head Coach. Hopefully, he’s as good a coach as he is an owner. Al Davis, seeking more attention, quickly does the same thing.
No. 2—Brett Favre calls the Packers and asks “Is that $20 million retirement plan still available?”
No. 1—Barack Obama, determined to fix the BCS system, requires an eight team playoff for college football. He also requires that the University of Hawaii receives an automatic bid.
In Basketball
No. 10—Kentucky head coach Billy Gillespie goes to a game at the Boys and Girls Club of Lexington. He offers a full ride to Johnny Smith, a 5’5’’ eight-year-old second-grader who dropped 35 on the Flamingos.
No. 9—Shaq gives himself a new nickname, Shaqovich, because of his improved free throw shooting. Shaqbrick then sets the record for most consecutive missed free throws.
No. 8—Tennessee head coach Bruce Pearl turns into an orange. He should have read the warning label:“Warning, spray on tan may turn you into an orange.”
No. 7—Lebron is called for a travel for the first time since high school. He is outraged claiming, “The rule states as long as I make it a cool dunk I can take as many steps as I want!”
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