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What Were They Thinking? 5 Most Annoying MLB Uniforms

Rudy TarkusContributor IIMay 3, 2012

What Were They Thinking? 5 Most Annoying MLB Uniforms

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    Athletes have enough on their minds already. They've spent their professional baseball careers trying to be taken seriously.The last thing they should be worrying about is putting on a clown-suit devised by a crack team of clothing designers and marketing execs who, incidentally, have no idea what it's like to be on the field wearing the uniforms they design. 

    Indeed, there's something to be said for trying to incorporate colors that embody a city or region, but there's also something to be said for simplicity.

    Just look at all the uniforms leading up until the 80s—a "B" for Boston, a "D" for Detroit, "KC" for Kansas City, etc. Couple a city name with a grey or white background and you get a clean-cut, non-flashy uniform that distracts neither the batter nor the fielder from the job at hand.

    It's difficult to believe that the following five uniforms do not make the players wearing them question the sanity of the organization they're playing for.

    On a more simple level, some of these guys must feel like clowns at times, because they sure look like them.

    Here's a look at my picks for the five most annoying uniforms in baseball.

     

Houston Astros

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    These uniforms are just plain boring.

    For a team born in 1962, you'd think a tiny bit of tradition might shine through; unfortunately not for one of baseball's worst clubs.

    The pinstripes don't work with the font (see New York Yankees, Chicago Cubs), and there seems to be a disconnect between the vertical lines and the cursive "Astros" scrawled across the front of the jersey. 

    The overall design might have worked better for a bag of salt and vinegar chips, or a candy bar—if it were 1965.

Arizona Diamondbacks

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    While the D-backs uniforms aren't nearly as obnoxious as the others mentioned in this list, there is something incredibly wrong with the font. The typeface on the front of the jersey looks like it might be used on the poster for a horror film—or a package of sauerkraut.

    It has a very Frankenstein feel to it.

    Another thing wrong with this uniform is the shade of red used. Again, it's not obnoxious, but it doesn't have a very baseball feel to it. It's subdued, boring and it's the color of blood. 

    If a designer came to my office and handed me a draft of this jersey, I'd say, "Turn around, go out the door and come back in here with something completely different than that."

    And while we're at it, "D-backs" is a bit too close to a modern derogatory abbreviation. Let's just say, Diamondbacks.

Baltimore Orioles

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    Another example of "too loud." What is it with the rash of loud tops? While the Baltimore alternate jersey is less hideous than Colorado's, it seems like an homage to the trashy, blaring tops sported in Denver. 

    There is something very commercial about this design, as though we couldn't see the players on the field and we needed a bright orange jersey to help us follow them. 

    Dear Birds, you have a classic jersey, there's no need to screw it up now.

Colorado Rockies

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    I get it. Purple. But honestly, there's more to life than purple.

    The Rockies second alternate uniform is an abomination of color and, to put it plainly, isn't very well thought out. The font stays the same on this jersey but it seems as though someone in the Colorado front office had something better to do when deciding what this alternate jersey would look like. 

    It's really a shame because their third alternate jersey has a very slick look with black cutoff arms and white pants. Their home and away jerseys follow tradition, white and grey. 

    The overall design of this jersey isn't bad, but this poor design calls far too much attention to itself.

Miami Marlins

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    It couldn't get worse than this.

    With all the excitement the reborn team generated during the offseason, their blaze orange disaster of a jersey was all it took for baseball fans to roll their eyes, or cover them. It's almost too much to look at.

    Marlins management wanted to include colors that embodied the Miami area and that they did. But in my lifetime I've never seen a blaze orange Marlin, or a multicolored trim so obnoxious.

    To make matters worse, the Marlins decided to dress up their star acquisitions and prance them around on a stage in an extremely uncomfortable fashion show.

    These jerseys look like what might happen if Walt Disney threw up.

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