Ah, Melky Cabrera...
This is a humorous article about the rise and fall of a baseball prospect/player. You can fill this story in with any name you want...Richie Sexson...Phil Hughes...whoever!
Anyway, this in variations happens to many players. It is a serious problem and is really annoying, as any Mainers or Yankees fan would tell you. We have to foresee these flunks and trade them off before they cause any harm.
Without further ado, I present:
The Rise and Fall
Of a Baseball Star!
Our future star is born. He is raised by a family who loves him and strongly encourages him to golf. He never, ever, ever speaks of his childhood.
Actually, a press member met his untimely death yesterday asking:
"So, during your childhood...did you play golf?"
We'll miss you, E.M. Wickman.
Our Star tried to start off bright. He went to Citizens Bank Park in Philidelphia and filmed a video of him hitting a high pop fly, and then running to catch it. Actually, the video's still on YouTube:
He got into some trouble when MLB figured out it was fake.
After someone else filmed the star hitting what looked like a monster homer, the Yankees let him try out.
As the Red Sox happened to know, the homer had been hit in "Mini Fenway," so although the shot looked like it actually went out of Fenway and off the Citgo sign, it really went less than 100 feet.
Our Star tries on his shirt, and it fits!
However, the Cubs release him the next day.
And then, his dream comes true! The Yankees sign our Star to a 40-year deal, at $40,000 a year, and he can be released at any time.
His first year goes okay. He hits .220 in A, AA, and AAA. He plays in no major league games and gets very little attention, until next year...
A star is born! In his first game that year in AAA, he hits four home runs and is called up to play center field the next day.
He goes on that year to be a breakout player and wins Rookie of the Year and a batting title.
Suddenly, it all goes wrong. He comes to spring training fat. He had two offseason surgeries and is in horrible shape. He is in the majors for three games and then is released.
After fines, loan paybacks, and apologies, our star is left with $20 and an old dirty hat.
Playing a pick-up game of soccer, our star hits his head and tragically dies. Google hits on his name rise, because the news won't release the exact cause of death.
Our star is honored on a mural of fallen people no one will really miss, but is mostly covered by Hitler finishing a Heil Hitler!
As you can see, pursuing a career as a sports writer is much safer than a player's career!