2012 NFL Mock Draft: WAG Version
Every NFL hopeful will be glued to the television set on April 26th when the 2012 NFL draft begins and lives will be changed forever. Hundreds of young men hoping to make it onto an NFL roster will find themselves sitting quietly in anticipation as they await their name to be called on the podium.
Now that we have a few days to predict who goes where and which team will draft which college prospect, why not have some fun and indulge ourselves with a little WAG draft?
You know, the same mock draft that we have seen a million times all over the Internet, but this time the prospects will be former and current NFL WAGs. I am more excited than a squirrel on a nut farm, and you should be too.
Enjoy the 2012 NFL Mock Draft: WAG Version.
1. Indianapolis Colts: Gisele
Image via InStyle.com
2. Washington Redskins: Kate Upton
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The Washington Redskins wanted a young, talented franchise QB, which is why they gave up most of the farm to move up to the second overall spot in the draft.
You don't actually think they would pass on the second hottest chick in this entire draft either, right?
3. Minnesota Vikings: Gabrielle Union
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The Minnesota Vikings are sitting in a prime spot following the top two picks. They have the chance to select from a list of hotties that would make Hugh Hefner jealous.
Among these women, Gabrielle Union is still available and would be a great pick here. She isn't the greatest pick, but she is the safest.
Rick Spielman is not as dumb as Matt Millen.
4. *TRADE* New Orleans Saints: Lacey Minchew
Image via www.pageantupdate.info
With the many problems the New Orleans Saints have had to deal with over the past four months, drafting a beautiful former Miss Louisiana was a no-brainer.
They traded the next two season's first-round picks to the Cleveland Browns before those are also taken from them. They figured it was now or never, and they can still draft a smoking hot blonde if they make a move today.
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Jennifer Walcott
Image via www.HollywoodTuna.com
Jennifer Walcott was still available at the fifth pick? How so? Did everyone go blind in the top five spots?
Regardless of how she fell into the Bucs' laps, she is now one of them. I am betting St. Louis would have loved to draft her, but they will have to look for someone else now.
6. St. Louis Rams: Brande Roderick
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Without Jennifer Walcott being available, the St. Louis Rams had to settle for the next best thing.
Brande Roderick would be the next best thing.
She would also be the oldest and hottest thing on the list. She might even have earned a higher draft spot if she wouldn't have been such a closet WAG. Who is Glenn Cadrez?
7. Jacksonville Jaguars: Kendra
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The Jacksonville Jaguars have made more mistakes than a one armed sausage maker, so why not draft former Playboy Playmate Kendra?
She is the most obvious choice for this team being as no one would have expected it. Not even the Jacksonville front office.
8. Miami Dolphins: Kim Kardashian
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After already moving into a huge beach house, Kim found herself getting closer and closer to Mr. Bush, once again. He then asked the front office to do him a favor and take her with this pick. If only to keep her from dating more athletes around the country.
We all thank Reggie for that classy move.
9. Carolina Panthers: Meagan Good
Image via www.meagan-good.com
Now that the Carolina Panthers have found their franchise QB, they can now move toward keeping the guy happy.
Drafting a beautiful woman like Meagan Good will keep any man happy.
10. *TRADE* Chicago Bears: Kristin Cavallari
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11. Kansas City Chiefs: Candice Crawford
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12. Seattle Seahawks: Tila Tequila
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Following weeks of negotiating with her agents, the Seahawks finally agreed to draft Tila Tequila.
As part of the deal with her agents, they have to make sure she stays on West Coast time, never travels more than 50 miles from her condo in downtown Seattle, and has her very own suite for the games.
Not for sharing, just for her.
13. Arizona Cardinals: Nadine Coyle
Arizona loves to draft beautiful skinny blondes. And if you have ever been to Arizona, you would agree. That place is full of sexy, tall, skinny, blondes.
It is like a Playboy mansion party every night of the week in downtown Tempe. You should visit—it is worth it.
14. Dallas Cowboys: Kelsi Reich
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Jerry Jones does not want one of his most famous Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders being drafted by another team. He wants her to remain in the blue and silver for now.
Or until he decides to trade her to the Bills for Ryan Fitzpatrick's glorious beard.
15. Philadelphia Eagles: Carmella Decesare
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Once again, I was amazed that a woman of Carmella Decesare's caliber would be available this late in the first round. This will become the steal of the draft thus far.
Good news for Jeff Garcia, Carmella's husband, is that he might be able to get a tryout on the team again. The man just can't give it up. Not yet.
16. New York Jets: Selita Ebanks
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17. Cincinnati Bengals: Evelyn Lozada
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When it is time for the Cincinnati Bengals to draft, they waste no time at all and select Ochocinco's future wife, Evelyn Lozada.
On her way to the podium, they realize that he no longer plays for the Bengals and hasn't for over a year now. The Bengals front office looks confused. They still thought Chad Johnson was on the roster and had no idea Ochocinco was the same guy.
18. San Diego Chargers: Melissa Molinaro
Image via www.complex.com
It is time to separate Kim Kardashian and Melissa Molinaro. Yes, they look more like sisters than Kim and Khloe, but enough is enough. It is time to send her packing.
Now that Kim is in Miami, drafting Melissa to San Diego keeps them as far apart as Kris Humphries is from an apology.
19. *TRADE* Buffalo Bills: Bridget Moynahan
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Thinking that Kelsi Reich would still be available here was a huge mistake. Following a trade with the Bears that also included the rights to anyone else dating Brian Urlacher next season, the Bills dropped too far down the draft to select Reich and had to settle for Tom Brady's leftovers.
Bridget Moynahan might be his ex, but she is still a 10.
20. Tennessee Titans: Elizabeth Hasselbeck
Image via www.People.com
On the advice of Matt Hasselbeck, the Tennessee Titans were forced to draft a woman that holds only one connection to the organization. She is the sister-in-law to their quarterback.
When Matt was asked why he advised this choice, he simply replied, "Have you watched The View?"
21. Cincinnati Bengals: Jessica White
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One screw up by the Cincinnati Bengals front office is OK, but doing it twice is not.
After screwing up and drafting a WAG to a player who no longer plays for the Bengals, it is time to right the ship and take TO's former woman, Jessica White.
Wait a second...
22. Cleveland Browns: Heather Kozar
Getty Images/Getty Images
The Cleveland Browns have nothing left to lose so they draft a beautiful Heather Kozar, wife to one of the most legendary Browns QB's ever, Tim Couch.
She was purely a fan pick. They think she will bring in bigger crowds to the games.
Yeah, only if she is wearing something similar to the outfits in her Playboy shoots.
23. Detroit Lions: Jamie Lynn Sigler
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If someone dates Mark Sanchez, chances are they will not turn down an offer to move anywhere else in the country.
With that said, Jamie Lynn Sigler happily moves to Detroit to start a fresh new life away from Hollywood. But now that she is within a few feet of Calvin Johnson, old habits die hard.
24. Pittsburgh Steelers: Missy Peregrym
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Yes, Big Ben is married. Yes, he has had quite a few problems since his relationship with Missy Peregrym ended.
However, Pittsburgh cares very little about personal problems and drafts Missy anyway. They go after the most talented hottie on the list.
25. Denver Broncos: Jessie James
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If the Denver Broncos fans needed something more to cheer for, they just got it with the 25th pick in the draft.
Eric Decker's fiancee, Jessie James, will add a sex appeal not felt in Denver since the, since...
Uh, well, never.
26. Houston Texans: Carrie Prejean
Image via www.MissUniverse.com
How did Kyle Boller land this incredible hottie? How did that happen?
It seems much crazier when you see her in person. The Houston Texans draft her with the 26th pick because they need to ask her themselves.
27. New England Patriots: Anna Burns
Image via www.guyism.com
How do you honor a WR that has given a team so much? Well, minus the whole ball dropping thing in the Super Bowl, but other than that, he has done more for the Patriots than anyone not named Tom Brady.
So why not draft his wife? It seems only fair.
28. Green Bay Packers: Heather Mitts
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Aaron Rodgers is a jealous man. He is so jealous of other men and their beautiful wives that he asks Green Bay to draft Heather Mitts, forcing her far away from A.J. Feeley and well on her way to his heart.
Little does he know, she is demanding a trade and will not sign with the Packers.
He weeps in his condo.
29. Baltimore Ravens: Alicia Sacramone
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With the summer Olympics just around the corner, the Baltimore Ravens patriotically draft Alicia Sacramone.
They decide that she would be closer to London if she lived in Baltimore than in Cleveland or LA. Great idea, but poor decision making on their part.
30. San Francisco 49ers: Jessica Simpson
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No one else wanted her. Not even Baltimore. So she ends up in the one place that her husband used to play football, San Francisco.
If the 49ers can find a way to like Jessica Simpson, maybe we all can.
31. New England Patriots: Hayden Panettiere
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They wanted Gisele, gone.
They wanted Kate Upton, gone.
They wanted Jessie James, gone.
Now that they are left with only a few choices, Hayden Panettiere becomes the only person worthy of the 31st selection.
32. New York Giants: Angie Harmon
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You might want to believe that somewhere along the line Jason Sehorn had a hand in this selection.
Well, he did. He was hired onto the team as a female WAG correspondent, so naturally, he has to choose his wife first, right?