20 Completely Ridiculous Awards for the 2012 NBA Season
The 2012 NBA season is winding down, and with that comes the inevitable debate between talking heads over who is the Most Valuable Player, who will win Coach of the Year, Defensive Player of the Year and all the rest.
That's all well and good, but there are a few more categories out there that we really need to sum up the season, and I'm not just talking about expanding the definition of "most valuable" and creating an award for the player who is straight up the best player. No, I'm thinking we need to go deeper.
There are small caveats of this season that will get lost to history if we don't remember some players meddle with metal, so I've come here to do just that.
Some things that go beyond basketball, but change the way we feel about the game and just the great stories that happen as the year goes along need to be given attention more so than just in passing, so here I've compiled 20 awards.
Some would say they're ridiculous, I would say they're completely necessary to remembering the season that was.
Best Summation of the End of the Lockout: Blake Griffin
Let's start with where the season started off.
The lockout ended back in November and the basketball world was abuzz with the season that was to come. Teams were scrambling to get ready, talking heads were talking, but most importantly, players were tweeting.
The best reaction to the end of the lockout came from Blake Griffin, and he won this award by a mile.
This must be how the guys in Space Jam felt when MJ gave them their powers back through that old basketball.
What more could you want from a reaction tweet?
Best "The NBA Is Back" Moment: Kevin Durant
Sticking with the theme of the NBA coming back into action, I got to wondering about exactly when I felt like the NBA was back, and with a vengeance (that last bit should be read in the voice of an overdramatic movie voiceover guy).
I thought about it for about 12 seconds when I remembered that exact moment that I was ready for the season to flow over me and totally dominate the next six months of my life.
It was a few days after the actual start of the season in a game between the Mavericks and the Thunder. Vince Carter had just nailed a three to put the Mavs up by one, a shot that would have given them their first win of the season.
However, with a quick inbound pass to Kevin Durant and a ridiculous turnaround three pointer, Durant buried the Mavericks with a ridiculous buzzer beater.
Moment That Stopped the World: Anything Jeremy Lin Related
Regardless of who wins the MVP Award this season or which team ends up with the best record in the NBA, this regular season will be known for one person. The 2012 season is obviously The Season of Jeremy Lin.
Everything he did, from sleeping on Landry Fields' couch, to dominating the Lakers with 38 points to his game-winning three to beat the Raptors.
Then, in another world-stopping news story, ESPN's now infamous headline lead to a huge debate over racism in sports.
Finally, the world stopped once more when it was announced that Jeremy Lin would be out for the rest of the season with a torn meniscus.
Least Talked About Conspiracy Theory That Totally Happened: Kobe vs. Rubio
With the first meeting between Spain's new favorite son and the Los Angeles Lakers, there was a funny little exchange between Kobe Bryant and Ricky Rubio.
Rubio made a comment about how Kobe should be ready for the U.S. to win the silver medal in the Olympics this summer. Laughs were had, everybody moved on.
However, who was it that Rubio rotated over to defend when he tore his ACL last month? That's right, Kobe Bryant.
No contact was made, but maybe, just maybe Kobe Bryant had it in his mind that he was going to jolt in one direction, taking Rubio out for months.
Most Ridiculous Sudden Star: Steve Novak
Sure, Jeremy Lin's emergence was unlikely, but did it really seem possible that Steve Novak would be the talk of New York at the beginning of the season?
Lin had never been given the opportunity to start, so we were never really sure of what he could do, but we've had a pretty good idea on Novak. He can hit some threes, but he had played in just 84 game in three years.
Now, however, he's hitting every open three humanly possible and is looking like the third biggest offensive weapon that the Knicks have.
"Haters Gonna Hate" Moment of the Year: Greg Popovich
I'm planning on bronzing a statue of this fellow and handing it out to someone every year; it'll be bigger than the MVP Award, trust me.
Greg Popovich knows what he wants to do with his team and he doesn't care what anybody thinks about it.
This year, Pop came in with the knowledge that his old folks home that was a basketball team was going to need some rest, and he planned which days he would give them that rest.
That's why you have to be impressed with his fortitude that even in the face of double-digit win streaks Pop decided to sit his big boys as everyone looked on in disbelief.
Whatever, haters gonna hate.
Most Embarrassing Stat Line of the Year: Charlie Villanueva vs. Cleveland
I've always known that Charlie Villanueva is useless, but I didn't know he was this useless.
While the Pistons were blowing out the Cavs a few days ago Carlie V was getting his way back into the rotation, but the unit on the floor wasn't playing very well.
While most of the rest of the team was posting positive +/- numbers, Rodney Stuckey peaking with a plus-46, Charlie V posted a minus-three.
That's right, while the Pistons were out there winning by 39 points, Charlie V and the rest of the Pistons bench just wasn't keeping up.
Most Depressing Draft Pick: Jimmer Fredette
The Sacramento Kings were set on getting an impact player in this season's NBA draft, they even made the smart move to trade down and get the guy they were looking at.
However, the guy they drafted wasn't exactly a home run. Still, they went ahead and picked Jimmer Fredette with that 10th pick in the draft.
Jimmer ended up posting just over seven points and one assist a game in 18 minutes a game. Beyond that, he shot an atrocious 38 percent from the floor.
Not exactly the impact they were looking for.
Best Non-Basketball Moment of the Year: Derrick Rose Doesn't Dance
One of the best things we learned this season is that Derrick Rose only dances when Derrick Rose wants to dance.
During the All-Star Game introductions, LeBron James, Dwight Howard and the rest of the Eastern Conference starters were starting to boogie down as the music blared. Suddenly, the camera panned on over to Derrick Rose, who was standing there with his classic stone-faced look, doing his best statue impersonation.
Biggest Overreaction of the Season: Delonte West's Wet Willy
In case a few people missed the lowest action possible, Delonte West, for some strange reason, gave Gordon Hayward a wet willy during the Mavericks game against the Jazz on Monday.
Sure, Delonte probably shouldn't go around sticking his fingers in peoples' ears, but the reaction the announcers had was more over-the-top than what Delonte did.
On top of that, the NBA gave Delonte a $25,000 fine to which he responded with the hilarious quip, "I probably won't have cable in a couple days."
Most Depressing NBA Team: Philadelphia 76ers
The NBA has had a few extremely depressing teams this season, with the Charlotte Bobcats being the obvious choice for this award, but when it comes down to it, did anyone really expect the Bobcats to succeed this year?
Philadelphia, with their huge fall from grace, has done far more to depress the fans in Philly. A team that once looked like a darkhorse title contender could end up missing the playoffs if Milwaukee picks up steam over the next week.
Annoying Storyline of the Season: Dwight Howard, Dwight Howard and Dwight Howard
All season long the biggest storyline was Dwight Howard moving, Dwight Howard not moving, Dwight Howard wanting to go to certain teams and Dwight Howard discussing his distaste for Stan Van Gundy.
If there is one story that I want to go away more than any other, it's this one. Unfortunately, he'll be a free agent at the end of next season, so we're going to have to go through it all again.
Damn, I'd almost rather go through another lockout.
Biggest Hairline Scandal: Carlos Boozer
This one was a two-man race all year long.
LeBron James has the ever raising and expanding headband, but when it all came down to it, I think that was the award-winner for last year's BHS Award.
This year the winner was obvious. Carlos Boozer has been baldish for the past five years, and suddenly he shows up on the court one day ready to play and it looks like someone colored his head in with a sharpie marker.
Not only do I not have any idea why he would have done it, but I'm also pretty flabbergasted as to what it was that he used to get this look down.
Best "So Who Is That On?" Call: Tyreke Evans and Manu Ginobili
This is a neat little play that happened just last night in the Spurs' bouncing of the Kings.
Manu Ginobili was running in one direction, Tyreke Evans in the other and as the two saw each other at the last possible second they tried to swerve, but it was too late. They slammed into each other and ate a bit of hardwood.
For those of you wondering, I suppose the tie goes to the offense, as the foul was called on Ginobili.
Most Depressing Moment of 2012: The Sprite Slam Dunk Contest
Over the past few years we've had some of the best slam dunk contests ever—and then some of the worst possible. That all culminated as last year's was easily a top-five contest, while this year's was the worst since the late '90s.
The lack of superstars didn't bother me, although a four-man show of Derrick Williams, Jeremy Evans, Chase Budinger and Paul George doesn't exactly tantalize the senses. What gets me is the fact that it's become more of a spectacle, rather than a show.
Kenny Smith is barking on the microphone the entire time, they completely got rid of judges and are continuing to rely on the fan vote to determine the winner. The only thing worse is the fact that everyone feels the need to use props in order to win the contest.
Most Turbulent Season: Stephen Jackson
When is the last time a player was given up on by one team, traded to another, and then shipped to a title contender to become one of the most important wild cards in the NBA?
Actually, that's exactly what happened with Rasheed Wallace in 2004, when he went from Portland to Atlanta, played a game and then got traded to the Pistons.
Stephen Jackson was miserably disruptive to the Bucks, becoming an offensive black hole and eventually benched by the team, who then decided to include him in the Monta Ellis-Andrew Bogut trade, moving him to Golden State, who then decided they didn't want a guy like that, so they shipped him to San Antonio.
Biggest Opinion Change: Blake Griffin
Last year, everyone was basking in the glory of the amazing dunks, the Clippers being relevant and Blake Griffin just doing fun things in general. This season, however, people feel differently.
Griffin has become a heel among NBA die-hards who tend to complain about his constant complaining to the referees and his lack of development from last year to this.
Eventually we have to find an equilibrium with Griffin, who has become one of the best players in the NBA.
Least Valuable Player: Lamar Odom
This was a pretty difficult award to give out this year, even if it seems obvious. Odom moped around all year long and had the worst stats of his career in every freaking category.
His averages of 6.6 points, 4.2 rebounds and 1.7 assists look bad enough as it is, but lump that in with his shooting 35 percent from the field and you've got a bona fide LVP.
However, what about Andray Blatche? His 8.5 points, 5.8 rebounds, 38 percent shooting and league-leading six disruptive actions a week led to Wizards fans booing him every time he touched the ball.
In the end, I decided to give Odom the award for his mopey antics in Dallas, but Andray Blatche isn't going home empty-handed.
Lifetime Achievement Dishonor: Andray Blatche
Every once in a while a player comes around who is so thoroughly unlikeable through his actions and words that we take notice. Once every generation we get an Andray Blatche.
For his triple-double whoring, his failure to live up to lofty expectations, his complaining about his role in the offense one game into the season, tough love about fans booing him coming from his mom and his overall Andray Blatchyness, I have to give Andray a special award.
To the most useless player in the NBA, and a guy who would give any NBA fan a heart-attack were his team mentioned in a trade rumor including his name, I award the Lifetime Achievement Award in Terrible Basketballing to Andray Blatche.
Most Ridiculous Season: JaVale McGee
I would say that JaVale McGee had the most turbulent season, but it's even more than that.
His constant antics got him kicked out of Washington and then led to quite a few endearing moments in Denver, leading to most of the basketball Internet world hoping that he succeeds.
The ridiculousness of JaVale McGee's season can be seen in two polar opposite plays. First there was his moment in Washington when he ran back on defense while his team still had the ball. Second, there was his game-winning putback in Denver when everyone would have expected him to get called for goaltending.
Please, Javale, never stop being yourself, you're the most entertaining man in the NBA for both basketball and non-basketball reasons.
If you are one of those twitterers, you can follow me @JDorsey33.