UFC 146: 5 Simple Reasons Why Alistair Overeem's Test Was High

Oliver Saenz@PdW2kXCorrespondent IApril 18, 2012

UFC 146: 5 Simple Reasons Why Alistair Overeem's Test Was High

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    As a big fan of Alistair Overeem, I’m honestly sick of all these rumors and speculation regarding Overeem’s recent drug test failure. “The Reem” is one of the best fighters walking the planet, and it appears that people are so jealous of him that they’ve started inventing crazy theories to discredit his success.

    So I’m here to tell you: There is an abundance of good, sound reasons why Overeem tested positive for that whatever it’s called—the ratio thing. Who cares what it’s called? Do we even know what it means?

    Anyway, there are too many good reasons to choose from, but I picked five. Let’s start from the top.

5. At the Prime of His Career and in the Prime of His Life, Overeem Needs TRT

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    Here’s a spoiler: The other four reasons all have something to do with Overeem being a badass.

    But what if it’s all a ruse? Perhaps Alistair Overeem needs testosterone replacement therapy, which is why his ratio thingy was too high. I mean, he’s obviously been struggling with aggression for a while.

    In his last few fights in particular, it’s become very obvious that he’s lacking the killer instinct and energy necessary to really make a name for himself. Because that’s what you think of when you see a hulking 260-pound behemoth coming in and tossing other heavyweights around like rag dolls before brutally pummeling them into submission; that guy’s lacking an edge.

4. He’s Manlier Than Any Man, so of Course Everything About Him Is off the Chart

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    Also known as “The Chael Sonnen defense.”

    This defense is simple: He’s better than you in every single way, so of course his tests were off the charts.

    I don’t see the Nevada State Athletic Commission members going into the Octagon, or the cage, or the ring, or the K-1 ring and reducing fighters to quivering pools of jelly. This is basically what we all know as the “shut up, you fat lazy slob, say it to his face, you step into the Octagon and see how you like it” argument.

    And it’s been proven time and time again that that’s an ironclad defense against all criticism.

3. He’s Becoming a Super Saiyan

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    Think about it. Just think about it for a second. Overeem keeps getting better on a per-fight basis. He’s put on a lot of muscle since he first debuted as a bright young star. Every time he’s defeated, he comes back stronger. He’s traveled across the world seeking only the strongest of combatants and the toughest of challenges.

    The man is a Saiyan warrior.

    And now, on the verge of the biggest fight of his life, I propose to you the following: Alistair Overeem is fulfilling his destiny and is in the process of fully turning into a Super Saiyan!

    If he does fight Junior dos Santos and JDS seems to have the upper hand, I fully expect Overeem to transcend these paltry physical limitations of us earthlings and become one the fabled legendary golden-haired warriors of old.

2. He Eats Horse Meat from the Wild Horses He Kills with His Bare Hands

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    You already know that Overeem loves his horse meat. What you may not know is that Overeem actually goes out into the wild and chases down stampeding stallions, isolating one or two or even three (maybe more!) and then systematically hunts them down and tires them out before killing them with his bare hands.

    The meat is so jam packed with vitamins and nutrients that of course Overeem tests higher than the average man. He doesn’t eat the meat raw, though. Just ask Brock Lesnar what happens when you don’t properly cook a kill.

1. The Man Is, Quite Literally, a Greek God

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    Everyone always says the Overeem is built like a comic book hero, or a Greek god, or a Greek statue…and what if that’s all true? What if Overeem really is a forgotten deity?

    In that case, we should all be groveling at his feet and thanking him for being merciful! We should admire him especially: He’s out there fighting the best competition in the world when realistically, he could probably call down lightning from the sky and incinerate them with a touch of his finger.

    So the next time you want to accuse Overeem of having an unfair advantage, remember that it could be so much worse. And remember that as a deity, he can probably hear you. And you don’t want to know what happens when an angry god strikes back at his non-believers.


    INTERNET DISCLAIMER: This was all done in good fun. Every once in a while, I like to take a break from the super-serious and just make a post that’s designed to poke some light fun at an otherwise serious situation, with the goal being to simply get you to laugh. Hopefully, you did.