After watching Toronto snap a seven-game losing streak against Tampa Bay on Tuesday, Leaf Nation breathed a collective sigh of relief. Unfortunately for Toronto fans, the worst is yet to come. Any objective observer can see trouble brewing in the Air Canada Centre...and when I say "objective" observer, I mean anyone who doesn t get his hockey reports from the ever-polemic Toronto Sports Network (TSN).

In hindsight, it's not like the Leafs' struggles are unexpected. In fact, the signs were all there in the offseason, when a series of key blunders more or less guaranteed their impending implosion. To wit:

Defense: Fats Hal Gill is slow and clumsy and is not cut out for the new ice age. A horrible pick up.

Forwards: Jeff O'Neal showed up to camp this year with a cottage-cheese ass and D-cup breasts. Thunder thighs or not, his best days are behind him. And while Kyle Wellwood is looking good, he can t be the answer all by himself.

Goaltender: Andrew Raycroft was cut by Boston. Do you cut good players or keep them?

Coach: Paul Maurice looks like he hurts cats when no one's looking. That vapid stare creeps me out.

As if all that weren't bad enough, the Leafs management also picked this year to retire the number of the one and only Borje Salming. Yes, the same man who was suspended in 1986 after admitting to cocaine use. The same man who after his NHL career was over returned to Sweden to start a fashion company specializing in men s underwear. Hooray for Borje.

The Montreal Canadiens, by comparison, have chosen to retire the number of the Hon. Kenneth Wayne Dryden this season. Dryden graduated from Cornell before joining the Habs. During his career he won six Stanley Cups, five Vezina Trophies, and one Calder Trophy...and was the starting goalie in the famous Summit Series. He is presently a Member of Parliament and a recent candidate for the leadership of the Federal Liberal Party of Canada.

A quick summary: Montreal is retiring the sweater of a Stanley-, Vezina-, and Calder-winning Prime Minister hopeful. The Leafs (Canada's franchise, according to TSN) are honoring a Swedish coke head who never won a championship and now spends his free time staring at men's crotches. I'll let you do the math.

No matter how you cut it, the Leafs have a long way to go to get up to speed in the new NHL. Trading Mats Sundin is an option...but Toronto fans have to realize that they won't see a payoff on the deal for at least a few years. My only advice to Leaf lovers for this season: Don't get your hopes up. Come to terms with your team. You’ve been hurt too many times since 1967. Call it a rebuilding year and move on.

Also, a word of warning: Avoid TSN, as the network s team of troglodytes will only cause you grief. The notion of Darren Dreger giving me his expert Leaf opinions is the stupidest thing I've heard since K Fed's Save-the-Penny campaign. (Http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,200494,00.html is good for a laugh). And Glen Healy should really stop pumping up the Leafs up at all costs; he s making a clown out of himself. My suggestion? Do yourself a favor and watch a Toronto Marlies game instead. At least they won t let you down.